


The Brighter the Stars

by Hamliet



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Action/Adventure, Anger, Angst, Childhood Memories, Childhood Trauma, Coming of Age, F/M, Force Bond (Star Wars), Forgiveness, Friendship, M/M, Mother-Son Relationship, Redemption, Romance, Slow Burn, Stormtrooper Rebellion
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-04
Updated: 2016-05-29
Packaged: 2018-06-06 05:21:29
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 26
Words: 68,615
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6740008
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hamliet/pseuds/Hamliet
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kylo tries to complete his training, Rey tries to begin hers, and Finn tries to figure out where he belongs. When Kylo and Rey both start to lose faith in their respective mentors and a devastating attack leaves Finn directionless, their lives collide. Reylo & Stormpilot.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> A few weeks ago a friend requested that I write a story with a certain take on Kylo Ren's character. This story is the result! I hope you enjoy.

**All we know is distance**

**We're close and then we run**

**Kiss away the difference**

**I know you hate this one**

" **Where the Story Ends," The Fray**

* * *

The clouds swirl and splice above, making way for some rays of sunlight to fall through. Rey can only focus on the man she thought was a myth, now standing in front of her, eyes sunken and haunted. A mechanical hand— _so, it's true his own father cut it off?—_ stretches towards her, and then he retracts it.

The lightsaber in Rey's own hand starts to tremble. What if he doesn't take it? She needs him to. His sister needs him to. The _galaxy_ needs him to.

"Luke Skywalker?" she asks.

"Where did you get that?" His voice is softer than she imagined, crackled with age. He nods at the device in her hand.

"It's a bit of a long story," Rey hedges. "It's yours, isn't it?"

"It was. And my father's." Luke steps towards her and holds out his hand for it. He takes the hilt and examines it, brow swooping so low it looks to be crushing his eyes. His shoulders droop.

 _Yeah, I knew him. I knew Luke._ Rey swallows. "Han Solo is dead."

"I know." Luke exhales.

The Force. Rey tries again. "Your sister—"

Luke's gaze snaps up. "How is she?"

"She lost her husband at her son's hand. How do you think she is?" Rey can't help but ask. The question rankles. If this Luke is everything the myths say—if he's as important as Leia and the Resistance believe—if he had been there, if he hadn't run, maybe none of this would have happened.

Or, maybe Kylo Ren would have killed him too. And she would still be on Jakku, scavenging and selling to Unkar Plutt for meager half-portions on good days.

"You saw it," Luke observes, and Rey takes a step back.

_You imagine an ocean. I see it… I see the island._

"No, I'm not—" Luke sighs. "I can tell. From the saber. Not from your mind."

"Oh." Rey clenches her fists and relaxes them. "Chewie's here. And R2-D2. Down the steps."

"Indeed." Luke holds the saber back out towards her. "Take it."

Rey cocks her head. "I don't—"

"It called to you, didn't it?" Luke asks.

"Yes. And, I need a teacher." And just like that, Rey sees _his_ face, flashing with blue and scarlet light, riddled with half-mad delusions and rage and so much fear.

_You need a teacher! I can show you the ways of the Force._

Kylo Ren may not have been right about much, but he was right about that. She needs Luke.

Luke's lips curve into a joyless smile. "That didn't go so well last time."

"I know about your nephew. I fought him. With this." Rey grabs the hilt and holds it up.

"And you won."

The ocean air wraps around her. In her dreams, it was never this chilly, this damp. "Do you think I'd be standing here if I hadn't?"

Luke studies her, eyes flicking up and down. His mouth twitches, and Rey remembers Han's words when she had just met him, about how a boy had destroyed all Luke had worked for, and she imagines the shame and the horror Han must have felt. _His own son_.

_Luke… felt responsible._

_Still,_ Rey thinks. _You still do, don't you_? "We need you to save the galaxy. It's not about just me, or just your sister."

"Exactly," Luke tells her as he strides past, heading down the steps. Thunder rumbles overhead. "I came here to save the galaxy."

Rey's patience starts to fray, and all the hope she's been holding, the hope that's gotten her through Finn's injury, through Han's death—it was supposed to come in the form of this man, and he's walking past her and it's pulling tight, so tight, and she's going to snap. "How does running away—"

"You," Luke informs her as he turns to face her. "Have much to learn, child." His tone is gentler than his words, which crash into her like the waves against the craggy rocks below. "The first Jedi temple is no place to run away to."

"Well then, why did you come?" Rey demands, determined not to cry. She's not used to being chastised. She doesn't like it.

"Because I wanted to see where I went wrong, where the Jedi went wrong, even." Luke shakes his head.

"Did you find out?" Rey ventures.

"You're a curious one, aren't you." Luke smiles, and she relaxes, uncrossing her arms. "What's your name?"

"Rey."

"Rey," Luke repeats. "I always knew someday someone would come for me, when it was time, when the Force would wake up and send someone."

"Really?" Rey's heart starts to pound.

"Mm-hm." Luke starts back down the stairs, and she hops behind him. "It sent you."

 _I'm no one._ Rey tilts her head towards the clouds. _The Light… it's always been there. Close your eyes. Feel it. Let it in_.

* * *

"How're you feeling today, buddy?" Poe chirps as he saunters into the medical ward.

"Better," Finn answers as BB-8 spins along behind his friend. Finn's spine still aches, but he can walk normally, and Dr. Kalonia says that a full recovery's not far off.

"Excellent." Poe grins at him, crossing his arms over his orange pilot uniform.

"Have you heard from Rey at all?" Finn ventures.

Poe presses his lips together and shakes his head. "Not yet. They should be reaching Ahch-To soon. Like, today soon. So we'll probably hear… soon." He grimaces. "How many times can I say 'soon' in one sentence anyways?"

Finn laughs. "That wasn't one sentence."

"Hey, good." Poe winks. "She'll be fine. We are talking about the girl who kicked Kylo Ren's ass, after all. Considering what that bastard did to me—and to you—well, the girl can hold her own."

"I'm well aware of that." Finn shakes his head, remembering the moment he met Rey and watched her destroy those thugs with a staff. BB-8 whirs as if it knows precisely what Finn's remembering, and Finn smirks at the droid.

"Oh! I almost forgot." Poe claps Finn on the back. "We fixed up your jacket."

" _Your_ jacket, you mean?"

"It suits _you_ , remember?" Poe grins. "So you can start wearing it again."

"Poe, we're waiting for you!" calls Jess Pava, sticking her head into the med bay.

"Be right there!" Poe hollers. "Flying drills," he explains. "If we hear anything from Rey, though, we'll land right away. She's our new hope and all."

Finn nods.

"And what you did on the Starkiller—you were both so brave." Poe bites his lip. "I just wanted to make sure you knew it."

"I don't feel brave," Finn says aloud. "I was terrified. And angry." It wasn't righteous determination when he taunted Kylo Ren, telling him to _come get it_ ; it was rage, the sickening fury threatening to crumple him if he didn't fight the monster who killed Han Solo, who kidnapped Rey and threw her into a tree like she was a thing to be tossed around.

"Hey, you think I wasn't scared?" Poe scoffs. "When you said Ren wanted me for something, good grief, Finn, I thought you were taking me to my execution."

Finn snorts.

"See you later." Poe vanishes, leaving Finn to stretch alone, to think alone.

In his mind, Finn sees Kylo Ren's lightsaber slice up through Han's body yet again. His _father_. _How could you do it?_

In those moments on the bridge, when Kylo Ren's voice wobbled and Finn saw the boyish face of the masked man he and all the other stormtroopers had been taught to fear, to respect, the man who ordered an entire village murdered and then spared _him_ mere moments later—Finn hoped. He hoped Han would convince his son to come home. If Finn changed his mind, changed his loyalties, why couldn't Ren?

_How much have they changed, though?_

_I'm just here to get Rey._

_People are counting on us! The_ galaxy _is counting on us!_

Does he want to fully commit to the Resistance? If he does, Finn fears it will just be to honor Han Solo's memory, to honor Rey, Poe, Dr. Kalonia.

Maybe loyalty to people is enough. Finn hopes.

* * *

"Feeling better?" Hux mocks as he soldiers past Kylo Ren in the hallway. He smirks when he studies the man, because now he's seen Kylo's face. He's seen Kylo bleeding out in the snow, too weakened and torn apart by the scavenger girl— _Rey_ —to do anything but writhe in the snow and wait for the planet to implode under him.

At least Hux can't see that, in those moments, Kylo wasn't sure whether he wanted to die or not. He watched the girl run after the earth split and knew it was over, until all of a sudden it wasn't, and Kylo hadn't fathomed surviving.

"Get out of my way," Kylo growls, stalking past the obnoxious general and to his chambers. He clutches the armchair in his room, feeling his side throbbing under his ribs, his shoulder smarting, his face burning. He grabs his lightsaber and powers it on, staring at the furious red sparks. He goes to slam it into the chair and can't.

_You're a monster! Rey spat at him._

Really, is he that shocked she refused his proposal?

Kylo doesn't have a mirror, or anything reflective in his chambers. The metal is dull. His fingers rise to his face and he traces the scar. He now had a reason to want to use a mask, and he looks the part. He looks like her accusation. He looks, at least somewhat, like what people feared was under the mask.

And he wants to punch something, slash things, at the thought. But he can't. because the blasted saber—it—it's not—

Kylo howls and throws it against the room. It clunks against the wall. Not even a satisfactory bang.

He's supposed to feel stronger, and he doesn't. How is he going to explain this to Snoke? The Light was supposed to be eradicated, and it's still stirring inside of him.

Kylo glares at the helmet. _Help me, Grandfather._ How many nights had he pleaded with that helmet, with its energy?

_You… you're afraid._

He is. He's more afraid now than he's ever been. _It's too late_.

"I did what you couldn't," Kylo finally manages. "And I'm still—I'm still—what's the matter with me, Grandfather?"

_I can show you the ways of the Force!_

If she refused, he planned on taking her again, away from Snoke, who wants to kill her. He never expected her to beat him at his own game. Kylo's fingers trace his temples. How powerful, how strong, is she? How could she do so much, so soon?

What if Snoke knows that Kylo thought about betraying him in that forest? Was that the Light, urging him to take her? No, it couldn't be.

_He was weak and foolish like his father, so I destroyed him!_

_Weak_ and _foolish_ are precisely the terms Kylo would use to describe how he feels about himself right now.

He can't stay here. Not when the power of the dark side isn't flooding his soul. Not when all he sees is Rey's face, horrified and then infuriated, hears her voice calling him a _monster_ , sees the loneliness chafing at her all those nights when she couldn't sleep.

He almost feels her presence, but that's impossible. She's not here. She might not have even made it off the Starkiller.

_She did. You know she did._

And Kylo does know. But how, he can't say. The Force, somehow. And he's _glad_. He's glad an enemy of the First Order, the girl who slashed up his face, who humiliated him, escaped alive, even if it means she's with Skywalker by now.

He never wanted her to die.

"Sir," a stormtrooper interrupts his thoughts as he exist his chambers.

"Yes?"

The stormtrooper flinches as if expecting the monster to unleash. Kylo clenches his fists.

"General Hux said to alert you that we will be arriving at Supreme Leader Snoke's location within the hour, sir."

Kylo stalks away, back into his chambers. This time, he powers up his lightsaber and plunges it through the chair.

_Snoke will know._

_He'll know I almost betrayed him._

_He'll know about Rey._

_He'll know the compassion's still there._

_He'll know about the Light._

A feral scream erupts from Kylo's throat. If anyone hears it—and he'll never know—they'll likely scurry away. Which is good, because he doesn't mind them seeing him punching his bowcaster wound yet again, but he does not want them to find him on his knees, because he's too weak to stand up, and the pain isn't coming from his wounds.

* * *

Frustration streaks through Rey. Chewie warbles. _It's okay. I'll contact the Resistance._

"Chewie and Han weren't working with the Resistance either, until recently," Rey says to Luke. "I thought you were all war heroes." Okay, so she's only recently learned of Han Solo as a war general and not as a smuggler, but she's seen him as both. "What made you want to run?"

"Full of questions, aren't you?" Luke tosses her a small smile as R2 bleeps that he needs to contact his sister. "There are things you don't understand yet. Things my sister doesn't understand."

"About what happened to her son? About the temple?"

"Both."

"So what _did_ happen? And what's the deal with the temple?"

Luke frowns. Wind whips around them, and he peers at the sky. "We might want to head up to the hut I've been staying in. The first Jedi built them. It's going to rain."

"Rain?" Rey can only remember a few days of rain in all the years she spent on Jakku. She stares at the sky with its brewing blue and gray clouds, the color of the new outfit Leia had given her.

Luke smiles at her, almost like Han did, and Rey's heart warms. Han, Finn, and Chewie—the only people who found Rey worthy enough to risk their lives for. And Han lost his life to Kylo Ren, and Finn almost had.

She won't let Kylo Ren touch another of her loved ones. Now that she has them. Fury binds itself up and down Rey's spine, to her brain, to her heart.

"Why does he want to find you?" Rey asks as she follows Luke up the steps, R2 blooping as the droid slowly makes its way up. "Your nephew."

"I imagine he wishes to do what my father almost succeeded in doing. Wiping out the last of the Jedi."

"But why? So the Dark Side will take over?"

"It's more complicated than that." Luke sighs as he leads her into a small hut.

"Your sister told me that even Darth Vader couldn't kill his family. Your nephew—"

"My father also had a lot more choice in the matter than Ben did," Luke interrupts.

"He had a choice on that bridge," Rey counters.

"I don't doubt it. Choices spring from past choices, but they also spring from things that have been done to us, Rey." A tapping noise echoes through the hut. _Rain_.

Rey watches water stream down outside the hut. R2 whirs, teasing her. It almost never rained on Jakku, and when it did, the skies never split apart with fire and thunder, and the clouds never gave up this much water.

Luke finds them a bread-like substance to eat. It's hard, and Rey has to gnaw at it.

"Leia says I should become a Jedi," Rey says as her teeth start to ache. "That I can. Because I have the Force. And I don't want to use the Dark Side." _Not again._

"Hm." Luke studies her. "We'll see."

 _What_? Rey almost chokes on the dust of the bread. _No. You can't be serious. I'm not like Kylo Ren! Don't treat me like I'm potentially another monster_.

"You resisted the Dark Side," Rey says. "I know you did. You can teach me to, too."

"We'll see," Luke repeats, his voice hard.

Rey focuses on her food. It clumps to the back of her throat. Rain rushes outside, and she wishes she could sit out in it like she used to on those rare days in Jakku.

That night, as she curls up and tries to sleep, the cold damp and embedded in her bones—different from the biting cold of Jakku nights, a cold that was at least separate from herself—Rey's mind won't let her rest.

And she hears _his_ voice.

_You're so lonely… at night, desperate to sleep._

_You're so lonely…_

She somehow imagined that, after those few precious days on the Resistance base, after those days feeling like she had a family, that Luke would be the belonging she sought, complete and whole. Rey bites her lip, trying not to cry. Somewhere inside of her, fear erupts, and she doesn't understand where it's coming from.

_You're so lonely…_

She still is.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> If Luke is supposed to save the galaxy, why is he so reluctant to do anything? Rey wonders.
> 
> And if Kylo's supposed to finish what his grandfather started, why can't he banish the scavenger girl from his mind?

"Kylo Ren," Snoke rasps, and his voice blows into Kylo's ears like cold puffs of wind. "You passed the test. I must admit, I had my doubts."

"I was not seduced," Kylo states, voice empty, the way Snoke likes it. He keeps his fists clenched, a habit he's employed since childhood so no one, not the Supreme Leader, not his parents, not his fellow padawans, would see his fingers shaking.

_When he gets what he wants, he'll crush you. You know it's true._

_Now?_ Kylo wonders. _Do you_ want _him to crush me?_

Not if his father's last gesture is any indication. Kylo clenches his fists tighter. His palms strain.

"You're still feeling," Snoke says.

 _Yes. Yes, I am._ And hate floods him.

Hate for Snoke.

 _You made me do it. You told me that it would work. You_ believed _it would work. And now I'm being torn apart and there's no hope left._

"Block your hatred. It won't get you anywhere," Snoke informs him. "The Sith were just as weak as the Jedi, focusing on passion and hate and fear. Emotions aren't going to make you into what you could become, Kylo Ren. To master the Force, light and dark, you must not allow yourself to feel."

Kylo hates the crevices lining his mentor's face. He hates the croaky way Snoke speaks, the way his head bobs when he nods, the floaty look of his fingers. He hates that Snoke uses a hologram and in person, while Kylo's always found him intimidating, he only sees a pathetic, wizened creature.

_I want him back._

_You have no more choices._

_The Force? Her eyes closed, and she made her choice._

She thinks he's a monster, and Kylo's terrified she's right.

" _Try,"_ Snoke commands, and Kylo squeezes his eyes shut. _Don't feel. Don't feel. Concentrate only on what be done. Destroying Skywalker._

"Supreme Leader," Hux's oily voice slides in, and Kylo hates him for interrupting, for saving him, for existing.

"We are conferring, General, _without_ you," Snoke snaps.

"But sir, we've received word that Captain Phasma has survived the Starkiller explosion."

" _How?"_ Kylo demands, eyes flying open.

"We're not sure. She says she will inform us when she arrives." Hux folds his hands behind his back and casts Kylo a snide glare as he bows.

"You may leave," Snoke dismisses him. Hux scowls but obeys.

"Your injuries are healing?" Snoke inquires, and Kylo doesn't understand. He knows the Supreme Leader doesn't care about him. He's always known.

But when he was younger and scared, lying on a thin mattress and missing his parents, and Snoke was there, he imagined Snoke cared.

"Yes," he answers. "The bacta is… working."

"You will leave that scar," Snoke directs. "You must remember your defeat."

"If it's to motivate me—" Kylo starts, because he doesn't understand. Motivate him through shame? Through anger?

"It is not to motivate you. It is to serve as a reminder that once, you failed. You won't fail again."

 _I failed through sentiment,_ Kylo thinks. _For her. For Rey._

He needs to exorcise it.

* * *

Finn watches as Poe chats with General Leia, who crosses her arms and sighs. Other members of the Resistance mill about. Jess Pava waves at Finn but doesn't approach him.

"Luke's not being cooperative?" Finn inquires when Poe passes by.

"Not exactly." Poe shakes his head.

 _So where does that leave the Resistance? The_ galaxy? Finn wonders. He thinks of Han and nausea bubbles and fizzes behind his ribs. If Han's death devastated him—Finn, after only knowing the man for a couple days—and motivated him to take up arms against Kylo Ren, why wouldn't it motivate Luke Skywalker?

"What about Rey?"

"He _has_ agreed to train her," Poe confirms. "Reluctantly, according to Chewie, but if we can get the Jedi back… we're not as screwed as we were a day ago." He flashes Finn a grin.

BB-8 zips over to them both, peering at Finn. "What?" he asks the droid as it bleeps.

"BB-8's happy to see you up and about," Poe translates. He leans against the wall, his fingers tracing the roots spread over the stone. "So how do you like it here? With the Resistance?"

"It's good," Finn says quickly.

Poe cocks his head.

 _Dammit_. "It's just—you know. A change. A shock. Going from one side to the other. Trying to figure out where I fit, what I believe in."

"Makes sense," Poe observes.

"Right after defecting—and then meeting Han, and Rey, and the Starkiller—it's like there was no time to think about it, and now there's too much time, 'cause we're waiting around." And he wishes there wasn't so much time. Everyone expects him to fight for the Resistance—he's the only who helped lower the shields. Without him, the Starkiller would have wiped them all out.

And once again, his choices are being made for him, and Finn's not sure he likes it.

Poe grimaces. "I know what you mean. It's kind of terrifying, to think of what the First Order will be planning in retaliation."

"Yeah." Finn blows out his breath. "Poe, do you want to know something?"

"What?"

"I didn't know how to disable the shields when we landed on the Starkiller. I know I said I did, but I had no idea."

Poe shrugs. "Well, you figured it out, so it all worked out in the end." He's not fazed, and it's strange to Finn, to think he might not have to pretend for the first time in his life.

"I just went to get Rey," he adds, and now Poe's eyes skitter away.

"Too bad you missed her. She was… upset. That you were hurt." Poe bites his lip. "She said to tell you she'd see you again."

Finn nods. "Thanks." He sighs. "It's kind of strange to me. That—like, with the stormtroopers, if I felt uncomfortable or had the wrong motivations, I couldn't share it."

Poe faces him, his brow creased. "Did you think I was going to get mad at you for saying you went on that mission because you wanted to get Rey? Or that you improvised your plan?"

BB-8 chirps.

"I'm guessing the droid is saying _probably, yeah_ ," Finn says, smirking. "But yeah."

"You know that you still went. To save someone. And you saved us all—you and Han and Chewie and Rey." Poe shrugs. "We don't look to micromanage every stray thought in our members here. Like, we've all got our own reasons for being here, and they're probably as different as we are."

"Seriously?"

"Yeah." Poe grins. "I'm here because my parents were good buddies back in the day with Leia and Luke. They were part of the Rebellion. I like to imagine I'm honoring their legacy. That they'd be proud of me. I used to work for the New Republic, but that wasn't quite working for me, so Leia found me."

"You wanted more danger," Finn states, shaking his head and snorting. "I think we're opposites."

"Hey, that's not a bad—I mean—whatever." Poe glowers at Snap Wexley as the other man strolls past and gives Poe some kind of message in his grin. "It's okay to be scared here. And, you know, if you wanted to leave the Resistance base, you could. We're not holding you here as a prisoner, and we kinda trust you."

"I don't," Finn says, knowing that he means it even as he says it. "Want to leave. I don't."

"I'm glad. I think you're good for us." Poe grins.

 _I hope so,_ Finn thinks.

* * *

"Again," Luke says, backing up and pointing his green lightsaber at her.

Rey staggers to her feet, powering up her saber. _The Force._ She closes her eyes and channels all of the energy, the same energy she pushed into Kylo's Ren's mind, into a stormtrooper's mind, the same energy she channeled to defeat that man.

Luke comes at her again, and Rey deftly sidesteps him, dodging his blow and countering with one of her own. Blue sparks against green. She spins her saber and attacks, slicing at the green, that color she's always loved, the color she's dreamed of, the color she suddenly feels enraged towards.

The green saber flies out of Luke's hands and smacks against a grey rock. Luke raises his hands, his lips hovering apart.

R2 squeals, cheering her on.

"I did better," Rey chirps, her anger melting away.

"Who taught you to fight like that?"

"What?" Rey blinks. "No one taught me. I used the Force."

"The Force?" Luke repeats, jogging over and retrieving his saber. "You used… the Force."

Rey wrinkles her brow. "Isn't that the point?"

"Well, yes." Luke pauses, leaning against a jagged boulder. "But I'm curious."

 _About what?_ Rey wraps her arms around herself, feeling the softness of her sweater under her fingertips. "On the Starkiller base. When I fought Kylo Ren, I—used the Force. To defeat him. He had me on the edge of a cliff, and I—"

"He didn't push you off?" Luke questions.

The sun sizzles against her hair. "No, he offered to be my teacher. Show me the ways of the Force. And then I remembered that I _had_ the Force, and—"

"How did you find out?" Luke questions.

Rey doesn't like how he's talking to her, as if she's done something wrong. "From his head."

"What do you mean?"

"He was probing my mind, looking for the piece of the map that led _here_ , to you. He pushed, and I—I guess I pushed back. I didn't even know how or what I was doing, but then I was in his head, and he thought I was strong with the Force, and then—that's what happened," Rey finishes. "Anything seemed possible."

"Indeed." Luke nods, studying the lightsaber hilt in his hand. "It's interesting, and perhaps somewhat tragic, that you defeated him with his own tricks… and his grandfather's lightsaber."

Rey glances at the weapon in her hand. The hilt suddenly seems contaminated, and she resists the urge to drop it. "It's yours and your father's too."

"Well, it was mine, and my father's before me," Luke allows. "But my father was Anakin Skywalker, who was also Darth Vader."

"I know," Rey says harshly. "Your nephew idolizes him."

Luke sighs. "A farmer found it, apparently, after my father cut off my hand and the lightsaber vanished into space."

"And Maz Kanata found it."

"Well, stole it," Luke amends.

Rey stares at the weapon. _How are you worth a hand, or a life?_ "It called to me."

"It did," Luke affirms.

"It flew into my hand, when Kylo and I were both reaching for it." Rey frowns and shudders as something like pain shoots through her, and she doesn't know where it's coming from or why. "Summoning it," she adds, trying not to flinch.

Luke studies her again with those eyes, so layered and impossible to read.

* * *

"Again," Snoke directs, and Kylo grips his restored lightsaber, readying himself. He slashes at the lightning rumbling through the air, soaring towards him—and then it gets past, it stings and stabs and electrocutes, and Kylo thinks of the Emperor and Luke Skywalker and how he understands how Luke screamed for mercy, because he's screaming now, and then he's on the tiles.

"You," snarls Snoke. "Sentiment? Still?"

 _Shit_. Kylo presses his face against the cold tile, agony still rippling through him. The wounds from Rey burn with new intensity. _He knows._

"Still?" Snoke repeats, voice undulating with threats that don't need to be spoken. Kylo yanks himself up from the floor, struggles to his knees. If he's about to die, he does not want to die like a dog. He will face Snoke, and hate him.

And then Snoke wrenches into his mind, digging and twisting and searching, and Kylo grimaces, biting down on his tongue to keep from screaming again. Blood dribbles down his lips, fills his mouth, salted and bitter.

_I'm not giving you anything._

It's useless for Kylo to protest like she had. In the grips of this skull-splintering pain, he admires her all the more for her resistance.

_The Resistance will not be intimidated…_

The Resistance was. But she, the scavenger, was not.

"The _scavenger?"_ Snoke rages, releasing him. Kylo gags as he drops back down, hands clasping the flat floor. "Do you understand the implications of this?"

"She's the one we felt awakening in the Force," Kylo manages. "She's strong—stronger than she—"

"Oh, I think she'll know soon just how strong she is," Snoke snarls.

"Supreme Leader?" Kylo gasps.

"Her mentor will figure it out, of course." Snoke presses his fingertips together. "But as she gets stronger, you, too, will get stronger."

"By the grace of your training—"

"Indeed. And by the grace of _her_ training."

Frustration builds, straining against Kylo's skin. "I don't—"

"You don't realize that everything she's done—defeating you twice, using your lightsaber—she learned from you?"

_What?_

_You need a teacher!_ But she refused.

"Your mind probe—and her resistance to it," Snoke informs him. "Has caused some sort of bond between you."

 _A Force bond?_ Kylo's heard of them, but he knows very little about them—only that they usually form between master and padawan _. With Rey?_ "How?"

"The Force," Snoke says, as if it's obvious. It is not, and Kylo's annoyed.

"What can I—"

"We'll work this to our advantage," Snoke muses. "We will."

"Supreme Leader," Hux interrupts. Kylo clenches his fists to avoid smashing choking the general. His rescue of Kylo only made him more insufferable. "Captain Phasma is here."

"Bring her here at once," Snoke orders. "Stay, Kylo Ren."

Hux's lips curve into a sneer as he leaves, returning moments later with the tall, chrome-clad captain.

"Phasma," Kylo greets the woman, unmasked and still somehow more intimidating that Kylo looks without his mask, even with his scar.

"You survived the explosion," observes Snoke.

"I did. I escaped the trash compactor—"

 _My father must have done it. That's how the shields were lowered,_ Kylo realizes. The trash compactor was certainly among Han Solo's favorite story's to tell. How many times did he hear that story, sitting on the _Millennium Falcon_ 's bunk and watching Han Solo perform it as if it were a one-act play?

"—there was a ship, and I climbed into it and barely made it off in time. I headed for here immediately, although my ship flew at a far slower pace than did the _Finalizer_ ," Phasma finishes. "Supreme Leader, it was the traitor. FN-2187. And Han Solo, and his Wookiee companion."

"We're aware," Kylo informs her, fist probing his throbbing side.

"Han Solo is dead," Hux states, casting Kylo a sly look.

"Good," Phasma says, clearly oblivious to anything but her own indignity. Kylo grits his teeth. "And the traitor?"

"He escaped," Snoke puts in. "Presumably he's back with the Resistance."

"I injured him," Kylo adds.

"Good job, Ren," snips Hux.

"Injuring him isn't enough. He knows—he's brash, Supreme Leader, General, Ren. I think we need to neutralize him. As quickly as possible."

" _How_ is that possible?" Kylo demands.

"We don't have the precise location of the Resistance base; only the system," Hux confirms.

"There may be a way," Snoke says, leaning back.

"I suggest we hire bounty hunters as quickly as possible," Phasma says.

"We could send the Knights of Ren," Kylo suggests.

"No," Snoke dismisses him. Kylo hates it. "You yourself know that they'd need you for command," he adds, as if to lessen the blow. Kylo hates this pattern of Snoke's whiplash inducing sentences. "In the meantime, bounty hunters may do well," Snoke continues. "Go. General, you will assist Captain Phasma in this. Ren, we will continue to work on… your condition, in addition to our training."

Hux's eyebrows jolt almost to his hairline. Kylo doesn't need to invade his mind o know what the General's thinking. _Condition?_

If he wasn't in Snoke's presence, he would smash this entire room with his lightsaber. _I'm not weak!_

"Leave me. All of you," Snoke commands.

 _Don't push me back with them!_ Kylo wants to cry out. But he lowers his head and swallows his fury, storming out without so much as a glance at Hux or Phasma. By the time he gets back to his quarters, every breath hitches from pain. He yanks off his gloves and hurls his lightsaber hilt into the wall. He needs bacta. Now. His fingers shake as he unscrews the cap and places the salve against his wounds.

Kylo stumbles towards Grandfather's helmet, towards his holy shrine.

 _A Force bond_.

He tries to tap into it— _there_. The part of him that's not quite a part of him.

She's nervous right now. Like Kylo remembers being when his parents first dropped him off. And yet, she's hopeful. Kylo settles in front of the helmet, silent instead of confessing this time, listening.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all so much for reading!


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> If the Force is supposed to bind everything together, why is everything falling apart?

"Kylo Ren," Snoke says when Kylo shows up for training. "Tell me what you have observed. In the girl."

_Tell me about the droid._

Kylo starts speaking rapidly, hoping to spit it out fast enough before Snoke gets impatient and starts tearing his mind apart yet again. "She's hopeful. Training. With Skywalker, no doubt. But she's angry, too—and frustrated. Under the surface." At first, when Kylo found those traits throbbing in their connections, he assumed they were all from him. They aren't.

"She doesn't yet know about the bond."

"No." Though Kylo knows just as well as Snoke does that it's only a matter of time before Luke Skywalker figures it out. If he hasn't already.

"And no clues as to their location?" Snoke stretches out his hand, skeletal fingers roving towards Kylo's face. He cringes as his mind, his thoughts, start to bleed from him.

"No," Kylo chokes out. Except—he sees it. The island. _You imagine an ocean._

"Hm." Snoke reclines and Kylo gasps as the threads recede from his mind.

"There are millions of oceans in the galaxy. Maybe billions," Kylo says.

"The girl's been having visions of this island since before she met you," Snoke observes. "Search through the records. Do not turn to the Knights of Ren to help you. See if you can narrow it down. We need to find that temple. And the girl."

"What will you have me do with her?" Kylo asks, carefully disguising each sound he makes. He clenches his fists.

"Bring her to me."

* * *

"I'm so tired, Chewie," Rey complains. The Wookiee snorts as she closes her eyes. Something unsettling prickles at her, and her eyes fly open.

Fear. Real fear, the kind that chases you down and won't relent. The kind bearing down in Kylo Ren's mind that time she pushed in and saw his desperate, gnawing fear of inadequacy.

Chewie grumbles.

"I'm fine," Rey ekes out, as the fear starts to ripple into something like panic. _The sky. Look at the stars._

Rey peers up and watches the lights, yellow and blonde against a deep blue, wink at her. She places her lightsaber hilt to the side and waits for Luke to join them.

_The stars._

The panic starts to die down.

"Stargazing?" Luke asks as he settles down across from her, offering her and Chewie plates of more stale bread and vegetables. Rey's not complaining.

"I always used to wonder what it was like to fly up there," Rey says. "When I was back on Jakku. Now I know."

"Ben used to like stargazing, too," Luke observes.

Rey flinches as Chewie growls. Why does he have to compare her to that monster?

"Don't say that, Chewie," Luke says. "He's still Han's son."

"He _stabbed_ Han," Rey shoots back. "You weren't there. You didn't see. You don't know _what_ he's become."

"I know what my father became, though," Luke answers gently. "I know that Ben idolizes him. I can imagine."

"If you still care about him, then why aren't you trying to reach him?" Rey demands. She's not sure where this anger, where this sense of righteousness, is burning from, but she can't stomp it out. "Because you're afraid he'll stab you too? Because you _know_ he's gone?"

"He's not gone. Snoke poisoned his mind, Rey. And I should have seen it happening. How do you face the families of those you've failed to protect?" Luke's voice cracks. "There is still light in him. He never had much of a chance, and Leia and I kept passing him between us, thinking one of us could save him, and neither of us could."

Chewie cocks his head.

"Yes, Chewie. Snoke was in Ben's mind practically from the time he was born. It was Snoke. Always." Luke shakes his head. "Han didn't know. Leia didn't want him to know."

Chewie groans and tears into the bread.

"All Han wanted was for Ben not to use the Force. He didn't know what to do with him, and he certainly didn't want Ben to train with me."

 _What's worse?_ Rey wonders. _Growing up knowing that your parents abandoned you, or growing up knowing that they wanted you to be something other than what you were?_

Rey stares at her hands, bread coating her tongue and teeth like dust. _What if that's why they abandoned me?_

"My sister's lost so much," Luke says, staring up at the sky. "Too much."

"Then why won't you go back to her?" Rey asks. "The galaxy—"

"The first Jedi temple was built here, Rey," Luke interrupts. "Can't you feel it? This whole place—it's strong with the Force."

She can feel it. The moss and grass beneath her thrum. "So—"

"I thought I could be a teacher," Luke says, crunching down on the bread. "I forgot how much I still needed to learn. I came here because I hoped—I needed to learn where I went wrong."

"And that took you how many years?" Rey retorts.

Luke bites his lip. "I didn't trust myself to leave until there was a new reason to hope. Something to keep me from the Dark Side."

"I don't understand."

Luke shrugs.

"And you're teaching me."

"Am I? You seem to be doing pretty well for yourself. Using mind tricks and defeating a Knight of Ren without any training."

Rey can't believe this. "Then what have we been doing the past few weeks?" she demands.

"I'm helping you. Teaching, I suppose."

"Yes. So we can defeat the First Order. _Save_ the—" She's pleading now.

"So you can defeat my nephew." Luke stares at her. "I'm not sure you know what the cost would be."

 _Kill him_. Rey remembers standing on that edge, watching him writhe on the ground, flounder like a butchered animal. And she thought of Han, and Finn, and herself, and also of pain and fear. Once she fell when scavenging, at ten, and knew no one was coming to help her, and she'd broken her leg and it _hurt_ and all she wanted was for someone to help her. And someone did come, and she truly thought they were going to kill her. Instead, they walked on by, leaving her to drag herself back to her speeder.

And as she stood there, watching Kylo Ren expect death, she didn't want to do it. Of course, she assumed the Starkiller exploding would do the job for her, but there was a prickle in her conscience nevertheless. "I don't want to kill him." _I just want him to… stop._

"Good," Luke observes. "You know, I thought I'd never want to kill my father, but there were moments—moments when I did. He threatened Leia, and I almost gave in. The Dark Side is hard to resist. My mentor tried to warn me. And I think I assumed my resistance to it would assure Ben of the same."

 _And you were wrong._ Rey closes her eyes and tries to imagine this family's anguish. It mirrors her own.

"There's something you should know," Luke begins.

"What?" Rey opens her eyes and puts more of the bread into her mouth.

"Try to feel the Force inside you. Is there anything that feels out of place? Like it's not quite a part of you?"

Rey closes her eyes again and concentrates. "Maybe. It's like—there's something there. Something—" Rey's eyes snap open. "Am I—is that the Dark Side?" _How does Force thing this even work?_

If this place is strong in the Force, why does she feel like she's falling apart?

"Not exactly." Luke studies her. "What exactly happened between you and Ben? He invaded your mind, didn't he?"

"Well—yes, but I pushed back and then I was in his mind, and I have no idea how that happened," Rey confesses. Chewie grunts. R2 bleeps in alarm.

Goosebumps skitter up Rey's arms. "What—"

"I think you and Ben share something called a Force bond," Luke informs her.

"What?" _What did he do to me?_

"Unintentionally created, by him probing your mind and then by you pushing back," Luke clarifies. "I doubt he's ever probed a Force-sensitive mind before… and when you pushed back, that cemented it."

"How do we break it?" Rey cries, all too aware of a pebble under the surface of her thoughts, a pebble of despair and rage and _sadness_.

She wraps her arms around herself as Luke tells her he doesn't know whether they can break it.

_You. You're afraid._

_He still is,_ Rey realizes. _He's terrified._

* * *

Rey's anxiety feeds into Kylo's mind. He clenches his fists so tightly it's a wonder his knuckles haven't shattered.

"She knows," Snoke muses, letting Kylo go. "And her mentor—he must know, too."

"Clearly," Kylo wheezes.

"The Force did this for some reason," Snoke says. "You must retrieve her."

"As soon as I—"

"I don't think you'll have to track that location after all." Snoke leans forward, a grin splicing his face, revealing blackened gums and the still-flicking tongue of an otherwise dead man. "The bounty hunters we hired have paid off."

 _No. No_. Kylo grinds his teeth against his tongue. The door opens, and Hux strides into the room.

_Can this get any worse?_

"A strike team is already on their way, with Phasma leading them," Hux reports. "They left three days ago, Ren." _And you didn't notice_ , slithers the message in-between the words. "They should be arriving soon."

"And you," Snoke says, turning back to him.

 _You were plotting with Hux?_ Kylo's blood boils. _Behind my back?_

"You will fly there," Snoke says. "I think we can count on their compassion, on her sentiment, luring both of them out. "

"To look at dead bodies? Skywalker is smarter than that," Kylo snaps.

"I've given orders not to utterly demolish them. Not yet. Not until you have the girl. Do with Skywalker whatever you must. But take her, and bring her to me. Do not fail me this time."

This _time_. Kylo flinches, and Hux's smirk grows even as his lips stay flat in a line.

"Yes, Supreme Leader," Kylo says, and leaves. He makes it to his room before he screams and smashes the walls, leaving scars that don't matter. _It's too late._

_Mother._

_It's too late._

_No, it's not. She has the Force. Maybe—maybe—_

_The Light's still here!_ "Grandfather," he ekes out.

Nothing. Silence, and Kylo slashes at the helmet. He misses, and he's glad and enraged.

 _Rey_. He feels her in his mind, a cool and scared and hopeful presence.

It's not too late for her.

_You have compassion for her._

He does, and he doesn't want to scrub it away.

Is compassion corrupted still Light?

He can get her, and they can start over.

 _Away_ from Snoke.

* * *

Finn's the one who recognizes it first. Just blips in the radar that aren't quite right., but he knows. A knot forms in his stomach.

"They've found us," Major Ematt declares moments later.

"Oh, goodness gracious me!" wails C-3PO. "We're _doomed!"_

"What do we do?" gasps Lieutenant Connix. "All our equipment—all our plans—"

"Aren't worth our lives," Leia says grimly. "Nor are they worth anything to the galaxy if we're dead along with them."

"Where the hell are we going to go?" demands Jess Pava. She casts Poe a look Finn knows well. The look of someone who shouldn't be scared, but is.

Finn feels someone grip his arm and sees Poe smiling at him. His dark eyes storm with trouble, but Poe gives him a nod. "We'll take several of our X-Wings and try to hold them off. Get as much as you can onto the ships, and get out of here."

"And go where?" Lieutenant Connix asks.

"Coruscant," Leia answers.

"What can I do?" Finn asks, blood and adrenaline surging through him, eclipsing his fear just like when he held that lightsaber on the Starkiller Base, when he faced Han's murderer and Rey's kidnapper.

He has people he cares about—he always had. But unlike Slip and his other stormtrooper comrades, these people care about him too.

And they're worth fighting for.

"I believe we could use help downloading files," 3PO tells him as Poe holsters a blaster.

"C'mon, BB-8." The droid rolls after him.

Finn claps Poe on his shoulder. "Don't get killed."

Poe nods, biting his lip. "You too. I mean—stay alive, okay? Dr. Kalonia's not going to want to patch you up again."

Finn snorts. Poe hesitates.

"Shouldn't you get going?" Finn asks.

Poe's eyebrows fly up. "Uh—yeah." He offers Finn one last grin before he leaves.

 _Please,_ Finn thinks. _Don't get killed_.

"Hurry!" barks Admiral Ackbar. Finn scuttles to work, downloading files as sirens start to wail overhead.

And then the first low shriek, and a shudder. The roots quiver and dirt falls from the walls.

"Let's go! Everyone out!" Leia's voice carries through the chaos. And then there's more screaming, and Dust soars through the air, clogging Finn's nostrils. He gags and realizes that part of their bunker's collapsed. And judging from the hysteria, people are trapped.

"Come on!" Finn charges towards the rubble, seeing Statura squirming and grimacing, his leg under a huge rock. "Hold on." He thrusts every ounce of his weight against it, and the rock moves.

"I've got you!" Dr. Kalonia rushes over and helps Statura to his feet.

"The others—"

"Under that much dirt, they're dead," Dr. Kalonia says harshly, but with tears in her eyes. "We need to get out of here before we die, too."

Finn nods, coughing, and scrambles after her. The dirt sticks to his windpipe no matter how hard he hacks to free it.

He allows himself one glance up at the sky. X-wings and TIE fighters swoop and soar, and unlike on Takodana, unlike on the Starkiller, Finn knows it's a hopeless endeavor. The goal is delaying, not preventing.

An X-Wing plummets towards the green mountain, exploding in a burst of garish orange flames. _Please, Poe, be alive,_ Finn prays.

"No!" screams Ackbar, and Finn turns to see another explosion right near General Leia's ship, which was about to take off. The ship flies through the air and smashes into what's left of the bunker.

"Dammit!" shouts Statura as Dr. Kalonia drags him aboard another ship.

"Leia!" Finn surges towards it and sees Ematt racing after him, and other Resistance members—none of them ready to give up. Acrid smoke pinches at Finn's lungs, but he and Ematt manage to wrench the sdoor open.

Lieutenant Connix shrieks when she sees them. She's crouched over a crumpled figure, ignoring her own painfully twisted leg.

"Oh, do help us," laments 3PO.

"Get off this ship _now_!" Finn commands, and the golden droid obeys without a word.

"I've got you," soothes Ematt, grabbing Connix and carrying her away. Finn places his fingers on Leia's neck— _please, please—oh, thank heaven, there's a pulse, a_ pulse _, she's_ alive. But with blood trickling from a laceration to her scalp.

"You're gonna be all right," Finn promises as he heaves Leia into his arms, carrying her like Chewie must have carried him, as he races for the ship that will take them away from all of this. All around him, ships take off. Another one is shot down and spirals into the verdant forest. _No!_

"Let's go!" barks Ematt, and the doors shut.

"Forget me," gasps Connix. "I can wait. The General—"

"She's alive. A head wound. I think," says Finn, laying her down on a bunk.

"Poe, do you copy?" their pilot shouts into the transceiver.

"Copy!" Poe's voice cracks, and Finn tenses, half-expecting to hear his friend die in seconds.

"Pull out! Head for Coruscant. The General's wounded!"

"How bad?" Poe demands, but Finn hears him barking orders into another transceiver, and what sounds like Jess Pava's voice affirming that they'll follow Poe's lead.

Finn glances at Leia, her face gray and streaked with blood.

" _Bad_ ," states Dr. Kalonia, her jaw set.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the cliffhanger!


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Oh no, Rey thinks. He's here.

Rey wakes to something furry grabbing her shoulder. She jerks upwards, arms poised and ready to fight.

Chewie groans.

"What?" Rey scrambles to her feet, blinking away sleep. Dawn's orange and gold streaks glow on the horizon, creeping over the indigo night. "What are you—"

Chewie howls. _Leia_.

"What?" Luke echoes as R2 shrieks.

 _Finn._ Rey races towards the _Falcon_ , plunging down the steps. She slips on the dew and tumbles down several of the steps, slamming her elbow into a stone, her shin smacking the edge of one stair.

" _Rey!"_ shouts Luke as Chewie yowls.

"I'm okay," she ekes out, trying to gasp in air. She moves her arms and then her legs—she's fine. "Just a few bruises." And they don't matter. Not when her friends could be dead or dying _again_.

Rey pushes herself back up and continues down, watching where she steps. She rushes up the _Falcon's_ ramp and into the cockpit, where she fiddles with the transceiver. "Hello?"

"Rey!"

" _Finn!_ You're okay," Rey gasps, shaken by just how grateful she is. "You're—what happened?"

"The First Order. They found us," Finn says as Luke and Chewie enter the cockpit. "They called in an airstrike. They—the bunker collapsed, Rey, a lot of people died. We got several of the files we needed out, though."

"And my sister?" Luke demands.

"Skywalker!" Finn exclaims.

"Yes, that's me," Luke says drolly. "Now what happened to—"

"Her ship—an explosion—not the ship itself, but near it. She hit her head. She's alive, but Dr. Kalonia says it's bad." Finn's voice shakes.

"Dammit," Rey breathes, squeezing her eyes shut.

Chewie groans a question.

"You know I don't speak that!"

"He asked where you're heading now."

"The rest of the Resistance—what's left—we're heading to Coruscant," Finn replies.

"We'll come too," Rey promises. R2 appears and whines.

"I'll call back soon," Finn promises. The line goes dead.

" _We're_ coming?" Luke questions.

Rey's jaw drops. "Yes?"

"Don't you think the First Order will think to—"

"I don't care! Those are my friends! That is _your sister!"_ Rey shouts. She gapes at him, tears burning and stinging behind her eyes, and in the back of her brain, she feels intense fear and an agonizing sense of loss from Kylo.

 _Of loss? Where did that thought come from?_ Rey shakes her head. _Are you happy your mother might be dead, too?_ she thinks bitterly.

If his emotions are any indication, he's anguished.

 _Why?_ Rey blinks back tears, trying to maintain eye contact with Luke even as her mind tugs her towards someone else.

"Please," she manages. "Please, Luke. We have to go. They need us."

Chewie concurs. _If the Resistance has suffered heavy losses, your presence could give them what they need to keep fighting._

"What's keeping you here?" Rey asks again. "You said the Force sent me to you. Maybe it sent me to drag you back into the fight." Maz's words from Takodana swirl in her mind. _There's someone who could come back. With your help._

"The temple," Luke says softly, tears in his own eyes.

"But they need you. _Leia_ needs you." Rey's hand closes over Luke's. She shifts and winces. Her shin aches.

"I know," Luke whispers. He turns to Chewie. "Let's go."

* * *

Kylo scowls at the stormtroopers manning his shuttle. He'd much prefer to truly be alone. Apparently Snoke doesn't count stormtroopers as people. Not that that surprises Kylo. He'd suggested taking the rest of the Knights of Ren, but Snoke refused.

If Kylo completing his training is supposed to give him more power, why does it feel like Snoke's stripping it away?

_When he gets what he wants, he'll crush you._

Kylo tries to tap into his bond with the girl again, stretching his thoughts, feeling for Rey. She's furious—scared—sad. She knows.

 _I didn't want this. None of it,_ Kylo thinks. Not that she'll be able to hear. Maybe, if she accepts his invitation this time, they can work on telepathy. Because he can't flat-out kidnap her. Not again.

Good thing Snoke doesn't know that.

" _If she doesn't arrive back within an hour, we can use the kid to find her, can't we?" demanded a senator. Ben's head snapped up. Mother left a week ago, on a diplomatic mission, and she was supposed to be back yesterday but she hasn't come._

" _It doesn't work like that," Ben says over his father's own protest. He's been playing on the floor of the_ Millennium Falcon _, and from his father's face, things are about to get ugly._

" _He's a kid. What would he know of how the force works?" scoffs the senator._

" _What would_ I _know?" Father retorts. "He doesn't know how to do that. He said so, and that's that. Leia will be all right."_

_The senator glares at Ben. "What good are these abilities if you can't use them?"_

_Ben backs up on his knees. Father glances at him, but he doesn't answer._

It's good! _Ben wants to scream after the senator._ It is!

_Mother arrives back an hour later, blabbering about asteroid fields. Ben runs into her arms and she cradles him to her chest._

_That night, when he's supposed to be asleep on the bunk, Ben creeps out closer to the cockpit to listen to his parents discussing the galaxy, politics, the weakness of the New Republic, how Mother's support of the New Republic is wavering. And then they talk about him, and Father shares that Ben's had another nightmare._

" _I don't know, Leia. I don't like this. I wish he were like me. Force-less. It'd make everything simpler. Too many people are going to want to use him, even if he follows in Luke's footsteps and sticks to the Light Side."_

" _If?" Mother's mad now, and Ben wants to cry. He wants Chewie back, but the Wookiee's been gone for months, visiting his own family. "How can you—"_

_Ben can't stand it. He doesn't want them to fight. "Mother?" he calls, getting to his feet and padding into the cockpit._

" _Did you have a nightmare?" Father asks._

" _No," Ben insists. "I just can't sleep."_

" _Come here." Mother reaches for him, and Ben crawls in her lap. He looks out at the stars._

" _I missed you," Ben mumbles._

" _I missed you too." Mother places a kiss on his forehead and tosses Father an I-told-you-so look._

_Meanwhile, Ben can tell from his father's raised eyebrows that Father doesn't believe that he didn't have a nightmare. Ben points to a green planet they're flying past. "What's that?"_

" _Not sure, kid," Father says. "Never been there. Could have anything living on it, or nothing at all."_

" _Maybe," Mother says. "It's a planet for Hutts."_

" _Or Wookiees," Ben says sleepily. He can hear her heart beating, and the stars calm him. Even Father smiles._

" _Or Wookiees," Mother humors him. "Or giants, or…"_

Fury builds inside of Kylo. He can't stand the thought that she might be dead. He should be able to feel it if she was, shouldn't he? Or has killing his father separated him from all of that?

_We miss you._

_I miss you, too._

* * *

Rey's eyes snap open on the _Falcon_ , her brain swimming with dreams—memories—that aren't hers.

_Did I just dream about Kylo Ren as a child?_

Sitting right here? In the co-pilot's chair? Rey swallows.

He's feeling—much the same as her right now. Confused. Anxious.

Rey doesn't like it, because she has no idea what to do with it. She can't shove him into a dark place that she has no part in. Their minds are literally entwined, and she's having bloody _dreams_ that are his memories.

Has he seen her memories? In his dreams? Rey gulps.

Chewie moans. They're landing on Coruscant, a planet Rey heard of once, when she visited Tuanul, a village she thought creepy then because of their devotion to the Force. Rey smirks at the memory. So much has changed.

"If it's so populated, won't we attract attention? The Resistance?" Rey inquires.

"It's certainly not where I'd have chosen to go," Luke gripes.

R2 bleeps. _There's a faction of Resistance there._

"Oh," Rey says.

"Makes sense," Luke grunts. Rey sees his face taking on a gray sheen. She almost wants to reassure him, but she isn't sure what to say. For all they know, Leia could be dying right now.

Rey gawps at the huge, towering buildings, silver and blue and black. She's never seen anything so huge, so flashy. It reminds her of the Starkiller in some ways, although the buildings here, although clearly once magnificent, appear somewhat dilapidated as they fly closer. Glass hangs in broken shards from one building's windows, and red rust creeps across the metal on its neighbor.

Luke and Chewie aim the _Falcon_ directly at one of the buildings, indigo in hue. The walls start to open like jaws swallowing them as they fly directly inside it, settling.

" _Rey!"_ Finn shouts the moment she disembarks.

"Finn!" She throws her arms around him. "You're okay—last time I saw you—"

"Yeah, I'm doing well," Finn says with a smile. His dark eyes appear sadder than Rey remembers, but more open too.

"How is she?" Rey quizzes.

"Alive, still. For now." Finn swallows as Chewie comes over and embraces him.

Rey glances behind Finn to see that pilot—Poe Dameron—standing there in his orange uniform, a stricken look on his face as he watches Finn, and then his gaze flickers to Rey, and she frowns.

"Luke Skywalker?" Poe asks, clearing his throat as he steps forward.

"Shara and Kes's son," Luke says, taking Poe in.

"Um—yeah. That's me." Poe tries to smile, but his voice trembles.

Rey slides her eyes towards Finn, whose brows swoop together in concern.

"Your sister's a few floors below. Dr. Kalonia will be happy to see you," Poe tells Luke. "Actually, we all will be. We need this."

Chewie asks how many were lost. Rey translates.

"Eighty," Poe says grimly as he leads them below.

"Were you close with anyone who was lost?" Rey questions Finn, who shakes his head.

Poe definitely side-eyes them. Rey makes a point to catch his eye, and Poe glances away.

Does Poe love Finn? And if he does, does he view Rey as an obstacle? But Finn doesn't love her. At least, Rey doesn't think so. Not like that. She doesn't feel anything for Finn in that way. He's her _friend_. He came back for her.

What if she's just screwing things up by being back here? What if they don't want her? Rey bites her lip, clenches her fists.

What will they think when they find out she's Force bound to Kylo Ren?

Rey wraps her arms around herself as Resistance members rise all around them, as if she and Luke deserve respect. _What if we don't?_

"Rey!" Jess Pava runs to her, but Rey's stiff, her mind whirring with all sorts of possibilities and fears.

"I'm glad you're okay," Rey says to her.

Jess nods. "I'm glad to see you."

"In here," Dr. Kalonia beckons, and Rey slips into a room where Leia lies under a sheet, her face so still and bandage, stained with crimson, standing stark against the pallid hue of her skin.

_Rey? May the Force be with you._

Rey blinks back her tears. _Don't die, Leia. Please. Please don't die._

Finn pulls her into his shoulder, where she sobs.

Chewie roars.

"Leia," Luke says, his voice weak. "Leia, Leia, please. I'm here. I'm back. Leia—" He grabs her hand, and Rey can't stand it. She can't. It might be too late. It probably is, because it always is, isn't it?

Why bother hoping, when there's no point?

 _Because you need to._ Because the Resistance needs to win. Because she and Luke can help them do it. Rey pulls away from Finn, swallowing. Poe offers her a look of sympathy.

"What does Dr. Kalonia say exactly?" Rey wants to know.

"That there's nothing we can do except wait and see whether she wakes up," Poe reports. "She will. She has to. She's strong."

Rey closes her eyes and searches for Kylo Ren, wondering if he can feel her agony, wondering how that makes him feel.

Determined _._ Trepidation. They mix, and mix, and the determination— _for what?—_ unsettles Rey.

* * *

"You okay?" Finn asks Poe late that evening, as he sits with Poe and Rey outside of Leia's room.

"Not exactly." Poe exhales. "This just reminds me a little too much of waiting for my father. I thought he would wake up. He didn't."

"Too bad the Force can't heal," Finn jokes.

"Not magically," Rey comments.

"So," Poe says, smiling at her as if he's trying to warm up to her. Finn doesn't understand why his friend was so cold to Rey when she first arrived, but Finn's certain he wasn't imagining it. "What cool Force tricks have you learned, Jedi? Or are you still a padawan?"

Rey laughs. "I'm definitely not a Jedi."

"But you will be," Finn puts in.

"Yeah." Rey bites her lip. "It's a lot of self-control. Meditation. And, some lightsaber training."

"You did pretty well for yourself last time," Poe teases.

"Yeah, I did. But…" Rey swallows.

"Hey, I'm done with those weapons," Finn declares. "Sticking to blasters from here on out."

Rey cackles. "You were brave on the Starkiller, though. I appreciate what you did for me. I was—when you weren't moving, I was so scared."

Poe runs his hands through his hair.

"Hey, next time we'll take down Kylo Ren together," Finn promises. "You with a lightsaber. Me with a blaster. Poe from overhead with his X-wing." At that, even Poe grins.

Rey doesn't. "He _is_ still Leia's son."

"A son allied with the people trying to kill her," Finn spits.

"She still loves him," Poe says softly.

"I know," Finn admits, shaking his head. "It's just hard to fathom." Do his parents—whoever they are, if they're still alive, still love him? Do they know what became of him? If they've died, did they think of him as they were dying? "Have you heard much from Luke? About how—or why—he turned to the Dark Side?"

"Snoke," Rey answers. "The First Order's leader. That's all I know. Luke hasn't been… especially forthcoming."

"But he has been training you," Poe states.

"Yes. Not much. But yes."

"Not much?" Poe's eyebrows shoot up, and he tosses Finn a look of shock.

"He's a bit reluctant. He's coming around, though," Rey insists.

"I don't understand," Finn says. "I thought Luke Skywalker was supposed to be this big hero. Instead, he's…" _Like me?_

_I'm looking into the eyes of a man who wants to run._

"I'm going to get some sleep," Rey says, leaving Finn to look at Poe and wonder. Just what makes someone brave, anyways?

He looks back at the closed door and thinks of Luke clutching Leia's hand behind it.

* * *

Rey tosses and turns on her little cot. She wanted to tell them. She wanted to tell them the real reason she suspects Luke's hanging back—because she's bonded to the Dark Side. To Kylo Ren.

But she doesn't want them to look at her like she's diseased. Like she's evil. Now that people care about her, Rey needs them to keep caring. She _needs_ them.

Sleep eventually tugs at Rey, pulling her down into the dregs of a city she's never been before, but which seems awfully familiar. Rey's heart starts to pick up pace. She sees azure buildings—green. Streets. People chattering. "Hello?" she calls.

A figure in black emerges from an alleyway. Rey fumbles for her lightsaber, but before she can click it on, she jerks awake, gasping.

"Bad dream?" Jess Pava asks sleepily from across the room.

"Yeah. I'm fine." Rey lies back down, pressing the back of her hand against her mouth. She digs through her mind, looking for Kylo Ren, for the familiar fear and sorrow.

There's something else, this time. Rey's heart starts to pick up pace.

_Oh no._

He's _here_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey all! So, there is a slight chance I won't be able to post tomorrow--I'm doing a bit of travelling, and depending on when I get back, I may/may not be able to post, or may post a little later than normal. I'm sorry! If I don't get to post, I will definitely post the next chapter on Monday.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "We aren't done yet."  
> This time, Rey chases Kylo down.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Made it back in time to post! :)

**Trying not to lose your own**

**Boxing up everything**

**You've got all you ever knew of home**

**The Fray, "This is Where the Story Ends"**

* * *

_She's coming._ Kylo grips his lightsaber. He can't tell whether she hopes to kill him, or talk. He hopes the latter. He suspects the former.

"Leave me," Kylo says tersely to the stormtroopers. His heart pounds and the lightsaber shakes in his hand.

_I'm not going to let you crush me, Snoke._

"Sir, we have orders from General Hux not to—"

"I'm in charge here," Kylo snaps. "Do you see Hux here? You obey _me_. Leave me for—three hours. And then come back." The Knights of Ren never questioned him.

"Yes, sir," says the man quickly. He looks at the other stormtroopers, who all hesitate.

"One more thing," Kylo calls.

"Sir?"

"You'll need to take off your stormtrooper armor. Keep your blasters on you. But don't dress like stormtroopers. It's conspicuous. And we don't know who's around."

"But sir, if—"

"You're obeying my orders right now, _not_ General Hux's," Kylo repeats, clenching his fists.

The stormtroopers shrug and take off their white armor, their masks. Kylo's stunned by how young two of them are, and how old the leader is. _He must have seen the Galactic Empire rise and fall_. "Three hours," Kylo commands.

"Three hours," a woman with red hair repeats.

They're gone, and he's alone. Kylo can't help but hope they don't get in too much trouble.

He feels her in his mind. Her fear's escalating. Kylo bites his lip. He doesn't want her to be afraid of him. Respect, sure. Fear? Not so much. Because he's afraid of Snoke, and he would never treat her like Snoke treats him. She's not something he wants to use and then crush.

And then she's here. Kylo waits behind the door, pulse throbbing in his neck. His mouth feels dry, and his fingers move towards his face, tracing his scar.

The door flies open, and she glares at him, blue saber illuminating her skin, spotted with freckles, her eyes, her bow-shaped lips. She's wearing a new outfit—a gray sweater and trousers, though her hair's the same. Kylo takes a step back.

"You came," she says, taking in his scar.

"We aren't done yet," he repeats, because he doesn't know what else to say. N _ot that, Kylo Ren._

"You've killed your father and you've probably killed your mother too. What will it take for you to be _done?_ "

Pain explodes in Kylo's chest. He shakes his head wildly. "Is she—"

Rey lunges at him, and Kylo deftly swerves to the side, blocking her blow with his saver. Red and blue flash across the room. She swipes at him again, and he narrowly avoids losing an arm. Rey kicks him in the chest, and he blocks another thrust of her saber, gasping. She's _good_.

But then she sees an opening and goes for it. Kylo acts faster, slashing at the saber close to her hand, but far enough so that he knows he won't actually hit her.

The blue saber flies across the room. Rey scrambles for it, but he blocks her. He won't call the saber to himself. Not yet. "I want to talk!"

"What?" Rey's jaw drops.

"I don't want to fight you," Kylo says. "Or hurt you. Rey, I want to talk to you."

"If you really do, let me get my saber."

 _No way._ "So you can slash my face again?"

She scowls. "So I can defend myself if you're lying."

"I've never lied to you."

"No, but you've kidnapped and tortured me. And you've lied to your father." Rey's eyes fill with bitter tears.

"I didn't," Kylo insists, stepping back because her words strike him more than any kick, any blow. "Get your saber."

She darts over to it, glaring at him as if expecting him to intercept her. He doesn't. Instead, he switches him off and drops to the dusty floor.

Rey remains standing, but she doesn't ignite her lightsaber. "How did you not lie to him?"

"What's happening with Leia Organa?" he returns, heart thumping.

Rey cocks her head. "She's in a coma. Head wound."

Kylo bites his lip.

"Are you actually sad about that?"

"She's got Darth Vader's blood," Kylo says simply, even though it's not simple—it's far too complicated for him to explain. There are parts of him that need to remain buried. "You know about our Force bond."

She nods. "Did you do it on purpose?"

" _No_." She believes him. He senses it.

"I want to teach you," he says.

Rey laughs. "I'm not interested in your murderous First Order or your blasted Supreme Leader."

Kylo's lips twitch. He likes her spunk. "Neither am I."

"What?" Rey's jaw drops.

"I'm leaving Snoke. I'm—my—Han Solo was right. He's just using me, and then he'll crush me. I thought the—what I did—would get rid of the Light, and it hasn't." Kylo shakes his head. "With you in my mind, it never will. I don't—I can't stay with Snoke. I hate him."

"Because he made you do it?" Rey whispers, clearly stealing his thoughts. Their bond is getting stronger. Kylo doesn't know whether to rejoice or cower.

He doesn't have to confirm anything, but he nods.

"You made your own choice," Rey says harshly. "Regardless of what he wanted you to do."

Kylo shakes his head. "The Starkiller was already going to fire. The light was gone—the sun was gone. There wasn't any more hope."

"You didn't _want_ it to fire?"

He lets their bond confirm it this time.

Rey can't tell what to make of him.

"I want to teach you," he says again. "You can't tell me that my uncle has been a satisfying teacher. Not unless all his years of exile have changed him."

"I think they've changed him," Rey snaps. But she also frowns as if he's right.

"I don't want to bring you to Snoke. He wanted me to. On the Starkiller. To kill you." Kylo bites his lip. "I won't, though. I wouldn't have then, and I—we don't have to. I don't have to teach you just the Dark Side. I have training in both. I _come_ from both."

"You just told me you were willing to murder your own father just to get rid of the Light. Now you want to teach me it? I think I can do better." Rey shakes her head. "You know, I don't have a family. If I did find my father again—or my mother—I sure as hell wouldn't murder them. I'd give _anything_ to see them."

"You're _not_ angry at them for a—leaving you?" Kylo asks in surprise.

"No."

 _Yes, you are,_ Kylo realizes. Something squirms in his belly—he hadn't intended on telling her now. But he can feel her pain—raw and bleeding even though she's trying to smother it.

_Ignore your feelings, Snoke snarled._

_They just want the best. Trust your parents, Luke encouraged._

Two different mediums, the same meaning. Kylo doesn't buy it. "Has he told you about your parents?"

"What?" Rey clutches her lightsaber, and Kylo flinches. "What are you talking about?"

"He knew your parents," Kylo confesses.

"You're lying."

He shakes his head.

"Who—what—" She marches over to him. "You have to—how—"

"They were a part of a clan, on a planet in the Outer Rim," Kylo says quickly. "Rumor has it one of them—I don't know whether it was your mother or your father—was a descendent of Obi-Wan Kenobi."

"Who?"

"He didn't tell you that, either?" _What the hell?_ Kylo doesn't understand. "Obi-Wan Kenobi was Luke Skywalker's mentor. Darth Vader's, too, for a time, before…"

"What happened to them?"

"Your parents didn't have the Force, and they were going to—they were afraid, and they didn't trust Luke, and—they were attacked. The clan."

"By _you_ ," Rey snarls.

He shakes his head. "The Knights of Ren—I wasn't a part of them yet; I've just heard it after the fact, and through Luke—the Knights wanted to help your parents. Luke knew where they were and he wanted to help them too—he'd been to see your parents, and they chased him away. The Knights weren't going to hurt them, but the clan—the rest of the clan—they were already suspicious of the Force, and they went after them, and after your family."

Rey watches him with tears streaming down her face.

"The clan leader was going to kill you—your parents were hiding—they barely got away." Kylo swallows. "And your parents fled. With you. Luke heard and he was so distraught, and I went with him to try and find you, but we never could."

" _Why did they leave me?"_ Rey demands.

"I don't know." But he does, because he just needs to guess. And Rey does too.

_They thought she wasn't worth the trouble._

"It's all your fault," Rey chokes out, but he knows that she doesn't really believe that. Partially, yes. Completely? No.

"I am sorry," he tells her, voice wobbling. The horror of it—they're never coming back, and they never intended to—slams into her afresh, and it rocks Kylo like it rocks Rey, except not with the same weight.

"Luke knows?" Rey hisses.

Kylo nods. "I think so."

He can sense her grappling, trying to scrounge up any evidence at all that he's lying. He thinks of his parents sending him off—how his father was so mad he wouldn't talk to his mother even as Ben said goodbye, how his parents visited sporadically and his father grew to accept that Ben had to train as a Jedi, even when Ben cried and screamed that he didn't _want_ to be a Jedi, how that didn't matter and how it all felt hopeless, pointless.

How much worse would it have been if his parents had dropped him off on a planet like Jakku without a second thought for his welfare? Unless they did plan to come back, and something happened. Kylo can't rule it out, and he tells her this.

"Either way, they _left_ me!" Rey cries.

 _I'm sorry,_ he thinks, because his throat's too tight to force out the words.

They really might not have left her if it weren't for him.

_I'm sorry._

_Come home. We miss you._

Words are weak. Kylo clenches his fists, closes his eyes. "Do you want to kill me?"

"I don't know _what_ I want," Rey says brokenly. And he hates it. Her voice shouldn't be broken. She should be strong, like she was in the interrogation chair when she resisted him. _I'm not giving you anything._

Kylo waits as she inhales, shuddering. He waits for tens of minutes for her to collect herself. He knows she doesn't want her enemy to see her cry any more than he would like that. Because Kylo knows she sees him as her enemy.

_But, Rey, I don't want to be._

"I'm leaving," Rey declares, wiping at her nose.

"I'll wait."

"What?"

"If you decide you want a teacher."

"I have one."

"If you decide you want a _different_ one," Kylo corrects himself. "For three days. I'll stay here."

"If I see you anywhere near the Resistance," Rey says, igniting her lightsaber. "I'll make sure to beat you this time."

"Take care of my mother," he says, surprising even himself. "Please."

Rey casts him a strange look, and then she's gone.

* * *

"Where were you?" Luke demands the moment she enters the main room where surviving Resistance members congregate.

"What?" Rey blinks. "I went for a walk. Everything's a bit stressful, you know."

BB-8 squeals and races over to her. Rey drops to her knees to greet the droid, which chatters about how worried Luke's been.

 _You were worried for me?_ Rey wonders. Any other day she would have been touched. Today… with all the news from Kylo Ren, she's infuriated. She wants to scream, grab him by the neck, beg him to tell her _why_ he wouldn't have told her.

_They left me._

_They thought I was dangerous._

Rey gulps. Of all the people to finally be honest with her, to tell her, she wouldn't have guessed it'd be Kylo Ren.

"Hey, Rey." Finn crouches down next to her. "It's going to be okay."

"Any change in Leia?" Rey chokes out.

"Not yet." Poe's voice is kind today. "But she's still hanging on. Dr. Kalonia says that says a lot."

Oh, hell, she can't even _tell_ anyone. Finn and Poe wouldn't understand that she went to meet Kylo Ren, that she fought him and lost and he let her go, that she's bonded to him.

_I'm not like him._

Except maybe she is.

"I'm going to lie down," Rey mumbles, pushing her way past her friends. BB-8 whirs and follows.

She can't sleep, though. Every time she closes her eyes, she feels him in her mind. He's nervous, and hopeful. And desperate.

 _Whether I come or not, you're leaving the First Order, aren't you?_ Rey thinks. _But you're not brave enough to come back to your mother._

She dozes and wakes hours later. Daylight streams through clouded windows. Rey emerges from her room and pauses when she hears Luke's name thrown around.

"He was supposed to be our great hope! And all he's done is… mope."

 _What?_ Rey freezes. No. She marches forward to see Jess Pava sitting with another pilot, a girl Rey doesn't know. Jess cringes.

"I think you'd mope too, if it was your sister," Rey snaps, although what does she know? Why is she even bothering to defend Luke?

_He lied to me._

Rey stumbles away. She sees Luke sitting with Chewie. The Wookiee's eating, and Rey's stomach rumbles. Chewie beckons for her to join them, and she does. The entire time she eats her soup and bread, she glares at Luke.

When she's finished, Luke rolls his eyes. "Chewie, can you give us a minute?"

The Wookiee grunts and walks away.

"Well?" Luke prompts.

"People are mad because they think you're supposed to be more inspiring," Rey blurts out.

"People always have their own assumptions. I don't know how a man who's failed his own nephew, who's been hiding for years, can be considered inspiring." Luke shakes his head, his face tortured.

"Because you're supposed to be the last Jedi. A war hero. Who defeated the Death Star. The Galactic Empire. All of that's true, so—"

" _Was_ true," Luke corrects.

 _You have the chance to make things right, and you're not doing it!_ Rey screams in her mind. _Tell me! Tell me what you know!_

"I can't be trusted to teach," Luke informs her. "I had grand ambitions, and that was what people wanted me to do, before—and look how that turned out."

"But you're teaching _me_!"

"Am I?" Luke shakes his head. "Half of what you know comes from that bond. All I can do is try to teach you the Light side."

 _But that didn't work for Ben,_ Rey thinks. _And you're letting me down—you're lying to me_ —please, _Luke!_

Nothing.

Rey rises, shaking her head. She's crying, and Luke sees. Everyone sees.

Luke doesn't go to her. Finn and Poe do, and Rey wants to wail. She thought she had a family. She thought she had a place, a purpose, and now she doesn't. She doesn't matter enough to Luke. She matters to Finn, maybe to Poe and BB-8 and R2 and Chewie, and Leia, but Leia's dying, and the others—they won't understand her bond.

_No wonder you abandoned me._

"I'm going to see Leia," Rey says, straightening and sniffling.

"I'll go with you," Finn assures her.

"No." Rey squares her shoulders. "I need to go alone, okay?"

She slips into the room and watches Leia's face. The General's breath is so quiet she has to creep closer to hear it. It's raspy. Rey hates the sound.

"I'm sorry," Rey tells her. "I think we've—failed." And if she's to help the galaxy, Luke isn't going to be any help to her. Not enough.

_Rey? May the Force be with you._

"May the Force be with you," she whispers.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "She's gone," Luke breathes.

Kylo's heart starts to pound. Her determination surges into him. He rises, clenching and unclenching his fists.

_This is it._

_No more Snoke._

She opens the door and the stormtroopers aim their blasters. "Stop!" Kylo shouts.

Rey's eyes widen when she sees the stormtroopers, and Kylo immediately realizes what she's thinking. "You're going to leave here," Kylo commands, voice steady and calm. "And go—"

"Surrender to the Resistance," Rey finishes. "And tell no one about why you came here."

That isn't what Kylo had in mind. But she's not going to obey him, and he kind of likes that.

"Were you planning on killing them?" she snarls at him the moment they all leave.

He shakes his head. "Just—not helping the Resistance. Not directly."

"What do you have against the Resistance anyways?" she demands, wielding her anger as a shield. But Kylo can feel her despair in her mind.

 _Don't despair,_ he wants to plead. But he felt the same way when he first left. "It's complicated. They have no long-term plans, for one. No way to sustain the galaxy."

"We should probably get going," Rey interrupts. "Before they come after us."

"Are you afraid of them?"

" _No_." Rey scowls. "I'm just—I don't want to face them."

Kylo heads down a flight of stairs, heading for his shuttle. He can't believe she's admitting that.

"Why are you looking at me like that?" Rey asks.

He shakes his head and opens the ramp. His fingers dig into his waist, and he yanks his belt off. Rey opens her mouth.

"A tracker," he explains.

"Snoke's _tracking_ you?"

He nods, face flushing. A million scenarios, all partially true, flash into her mind. He doesn't need to see them to know they're there.

"Let's go?" he offers.

Rey climbs inside. "Is it going to annoy you if I call you Ben?" she asks, voice hard as if expecting him to smash things.

He pauses. "Call me whatever you like."

* * *

"Where's Rey?" Luke demands, charging up to Finn.

"I—don't know," Finn stammers.

"I haven't seen her since she went to see Leia," Poe puts in.

"She's gone," Luke breathes.

"What?" Icy water rushes through Finn's veins. "She's not gone—that's—"

"She's gone; I can sense it. She's _gone_."

"Gone as in _dead?"_ Finn screams back at Luke, everything coming unglued, his joints, his heart, his mind, his tongue.

"Worse." Luke clamps his hand against his forehead. "Again. _Again_."

"Like to the Dark Side?" Poe whispers.

"That's not possible," Finn insists. He knows Rey. She's got the Light. She's not Dark.

"She's bonded to Kylo Ren," Luke explains.

" _What?"_ Poe's jaw drops.

"Bonded _how?"_ Finn demands. Vomit surges up his throat. His head pounds and his scalp aches.

"By the Force," Luke says, squeezing his eyes shut. "How could I have been so stupid?"

"What the hell does this mean? Is this how the Force works?" Finn exclaims. "Explain! Now!"

Chewie howls as he runs up to them. A group of pilots glance in their direction.

"Keep quiet," Poe hisses, dragging them all into Leia's room. Dr. Kalonia nods and steps out. R2 and BB-8 roll in.

"Okay," Poe says, dragging his hands through his hair again and again. "Come on now. Tell us what the hell is going on, and how in the blazes the Force bonded Rey with Kylo Ren. She _defeated_ him, for fuck's sake."

"He pushed into her mind," Luke says, studying Poe, who pales.

"Not surprising," Poe manages, glancing at Finn and grimacing as if the memory itself sears him.

"And she pushed back into his."

"Because she's stronger in the Force," Finn says.

"Maybe. But when she did that—when they both—being Force sensitive—they're bonded."

Chewie snarls.

Finn throws his arms out. "What the blast does that _mean_?"

"They're connected! On a spiritual level, a mental level—she learned how to defeat him from his own mind! That's how she won on the Starkiller without training! That's how—"

"I like her," Poe declares. Finn glares at him. "Sorry, I'm just—Rey might be bonded with him, but that doesn't make her of the Dark Side."

"We're all of the Dark Side," Luke says softly, going to Leia and touching her hair. "We've all got the Light, and the Dark."

"Why do you think she's gone to the Dark Side?" Finn asks. Because he won't believe it. They need Rey. He believes in her.

Luke shakes his head. "I've searched my feelings. I know it to be true."

"Yeah, well, I spent twenty-three years having people tell me not to trust my feelings, so I—"

"And how'd that work out for you?" Luke counters, eyes sympathetic.

"Knock it off," Poe interjects, not caring that Luke isn't trying to hurt Finn, because he did hurt Finn and Poe can clearly tell.

BB-8 bloops and lowers its head. R2 fires off an angry message.

"I agree, R2," says C-3PO, who Finn hadn't even realized was here. _Has the droid left Leia's side_? "She did tell Leia that may the Force be with you before she… left."

"What?" all three men ask.

"She was in here, and she seemed quite upset, and she told the Princess 'may the Force be with you,' and she left," 3PO reports.

"Pardon me," interrupts Admiral Ackbar. "But it seems we have several surrendering stormtroopers below."

"What?" all three men ask again.

Poe shoots Finn a look with his mouth hanging in an 'o' and his eyebrows pinched together.

"Surrendering?" Finn questions.

"It appears so. Kind of. It's complicated," Snap Wexley calls as he jogs into the room. "Finn—Poe—Luke—we might need all of you."

Chewie moans. "He'll stay with Leia," Luke translates.

"So will I," chirps 3PO. "R2, you better report back to me after!"

The droid whirs out of the room, sounding off with a series of sarcastic bleeps. Finn grins in spite of himself.

"How many are there?" Finn asks. Could they be defecting? Like him?

"Six."

"They're starting to get angry. They're confused," reports Statura as they pound down the stairs. "It's like they've been mind-tricked."

 _Oh, shit._ Poe and Finn exchange a glance while Luke groans. _Rey._

"Well, if they were," Finn hisses. "She sent them to us. She's _helping_ us."

Poe nods.

Apparently several of them recognize Finn, because as soon as he enters a room and sees all six of them—two women, four men—with their hands bound, three gasp and one shouts: "Traitor!"

"Your reputation precedes you," Poe whispers in Finn's ear.

Finn isn't sure whether he should be grateful or not. Had his simple act of desertion really had that much impact? Or was it just because he was implicated in the destruction of the Starkiller? Although he can't imagine the First Order letting that get out.

"It seems he's not the only defecting stormtrooper," Snap snarls, crossing his arms.

"I don't know why we're here!" whines one of the men, an older fellow. "I don't understand how—how—"

"We were—I don't know. I can't recall how we got here. It doesn't make sense." Fear crumples the face of one of the women, a redhead.

"Another Force user? Dark Side or Light?" wonders Statura aloud, turning to Luke.

"Or Rey," Finn speaks up. They can't hide it forever.

"What?" Admiral Ackbar squeaks.

"Let's talk outside the room for now," Poe interjects, glancing at the scowling stormtroopers. Ex-stormtroopers, because they'll never be allowed to go back now. At least Finn had a choice.

"What did you mean, _Rey?"_ hisses Statura the moment they're outside.

Finn looks to Luke, who gives him a slight nod, and that's all the encouragement Finn needs. "The Force has shown Rey where she needs to be," he says, voice even, even as it wants to shake.

"She's _left_ us?" gasps Snap.

"Not exactly. She's on a mission—to help us," Finn finishes, glancing pointedly at Poe, and Luke. Poe nods. _She is. She sent us the stormtroopers._

"This isn't going to be good for morale," proclaims Ackbar.

"How isn't it?" Finn demands, craning his neck to peer into the creature's eyes. "The Force is guiding her." As Finn says it, he believes it. He trusts Rey.

"The Force isn't on anyone's side. That's what the General always says," interjects Statura.

"The Force wants balance," Luke says. "That is one thing I learned at the Jedi temple. And balance is one thing we've gotten away from, through the Jedi and the Sith…" His voice trails off. Statura rolls his eyes.

"The Force will guide her," Poe says firmly. "In the meantime, we have six ex-stormtroopers that she's sent to us. We can question them."

"Using what techniques?" Finn asks, images of Kylo Ren's torture chair coming to mind.

"Humane, kind techniques," Poe insists.

"They likely won't be cooperative," Finn admits. "They didn't make this choice. Unlike when I left."

"At first," Poe agrees. "But later—"

"We'll treat them with kindness," Snap says. "Like they're individual beings. Because they are. As for whether their loyalties change—we can't really control that. But we can at least present them with the information they need to make a choice."

"Yes," Finn says, heart leaping. " _Exactly_."

When the conversation is over and Ackbar orders soup and rations given to the stormtroopers, Finn pulls Poe aside into a small room. "I need to talk to you."

"What secret adventure do you need a pilot for now?" Poe asks.

"You know?" Finn blinks.

"This _is_ eerily reminiscent of how we first met," Poe reminds him.

"I'm going after Rey."

"What? I thought you said—the Force—"

"I said it, and I believe it," Finn declares. His spine sizzles with phantom sparks. "But I know Kylo Ren. _You_ know Kylo Ren. I don't trust him. Rey's defeated him once, and they're bonded, but what if Snoke gets ahold of her? That man's utterly devoted to Snoke. It's creepy. I mean, I know Rey would never work with Snoke, but if Kylo's manipulating her—"

"But if we leave…" Poe bites his lip. "We can do it."

"We can?"

"Yeah. I'll just—say we're connected to Rey's mission." Poe nods to himself. "One questions, though: where do you suggest we look?"

"I think we might be able to ask these stormtroopers."

"But if they don't remember anything—"

"No, but they know common First Order… planets. So do I. But they might know of ones that I don't know of."

"So we'll be perpetually in and out of enemy territory until we get some leads," Poe says.

"Well—yeah. Unless you have a better plan?" Finn cringes.

"Your plan is full of danger. I like it." Poe winks. "BB-8 gets to come."

"Of course."

"And we have to check in with Luke and Ackbar and Leia, when she wakes up." Poe swallows. "Because she _will_ wake up."

Finn nods.

"We're leaving in the morning." Poe frowns. "So you should probably talk to those stormtroopers. Former stormtroopers. Like soon." He starts to smile, the same roguish grin Finn remembers from when Poe assured him that they were going to do it, they were doing to escape, and Finn began to realize his crazy plan might actually work. "And I have an idea for how we'll avoid detection."


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Who's teaching whom here? Kylo wonders.

"You're still hungry?"

"Aren't you?" Rey asks as she finishes the dried meat Kylo had on board.

Kylo's lips curve as he opens another packet of dried fruits and holds it out to her.

"Thanks." Rey bites into one of the fruits. "It's so sweet." She doesn't know why she's talking to him. Maybe because there's a fist twisting in her stomach, and Finn and Luke keep invading her mind, and she doesn't know whether she's lost her mind.

Kylo almost laughs—a strange sound, muffled and confused.

"I didn't get much food on Jakku," she reminds him. "Unkar Plutt kept restricting how much I earned. The only time I ever had something like this was when I found a downed ship… but then some friends stole it."

"I'm sorry."

Rey reaches for another. She doesn't know how to take his pity. "We should probably get a new ship, if we can."

"What's wrong with this one?"

"You're on the run from the First Order, remember?" she asks. "Don't you think this shuttle is a little conspicuous?" Lost mind or not, Rey doesn't want to die.

He shrugs.

"I didn't ask you to teach me how to die, _Ben_."

"Okay," Kylo snaps, clenching his fists.

"Do you know much about this bond we have?" she asks as she pops a third fruit in her mouth.

He shakes his head and gets up, moving towards the cockpit. Rey follows, frustration with herself tumbling and recognizing a new target. "Did your father teach you how to fly?"

Kylo stiffens. "Can we not talk about him?"

"For now," Rey acquiesces. "But you've got to face it sooner or later. I'm not going to the Dark Side like you." _I'm not. I won't._

Kylo faces her, the light of the stars they're passing spotting his face. "I don't want you to."

Rey has no energy to contemplate his vague responses. She leans back in a chair, her mind swimming with thoughts of Finn and Chewie and Luke.

 _What do you think of me now?_ Rey's stomach churns and fear tingles in her fingertips. What if Finn hates her?

 _He came back for you, and you're leaving him? He's your_ friend.

The only friend she's ever had.

Rey presses her hand against her eyes so Kylo won't see her crying.

Dusk falls over her mind, and then she's standing in Cloud City.

_A boy of no more than eight peers out a window, up at the sky. The boy—Ben—glances over his shoulder repeatedly, as if expecting someone to barge into the room._

" _Where are they?" Ben finally asks._

" _They'll be back soon, Master Ben," assures C-3PO. "Do you need anything?"_

 _He shakes his head and drops down, against the glass windows, hugging his knees to his chest. He's_ sorry _. Mother and Father are so angry, and they've been screaming at each other, and it's all because of him._

" _You know where he comes from!" Father had yelled the night before._

" _That's where_ I _come from!" Mother retorted._

_Ben doesn't understand._

_Mother wants to send him to train with his uncle. "Luke's new padawans are gathering at a temple. It'd be safe for him, and—"_

" _That'd just get him more involved with this Force shit!"_

What about me? _Ben wants to cry every time he hears this argument_. Don't you want me around?

 _Ben can't imagine leaving his parents. The idea fills him with so much terror he can't move. He presses his face into his knees and cries._ Why is everyone afraid of me?

It's okay, _a voice whispers in his mind, the guiding voice that always comes when he's scared._ You're made for the Light Side, and the Dark, and they don't understand that. They don't understand the Force. Especially your father.

_For years, Ben wanted this voice to go away, leave him alone, because after it comes he has terrible dreams. But the voice stays a constant presence when nobody else will._

I can show you the power of the Dark Side.

_Rey looks, and she sees a teenaged Ben running through a desert—not Jakku—and smacking into a dark-clad figure._

" _Shh," the man says. "We won't hurt you. We come from Supreme Leader Snoke."_

* * *

Kylo has no idea where he is, and panic seeps through him.

" _Where'd you get the girl?"_

He turns and sees her. A girl with her hair in three-buns, crying, and a bloated creature sharpening metal nearby.

" _Parents said they'd be back soon. Said they'd pay me."_

" _How much?" asks the other creature, spindly and gray and haggard._

" _Not enough."_

" _How long ago?"_

" _Two weeks."_

" _They aren't coming back, then, Unkar. You know it. I know it."_

" _They_ are _coming back!" Rey insists, climbing to her feet. "Soon. They'll be back soon."_

" _I'll buy her," offers the creature._

" _Hm." Unkar lays his knife down and studies the being._

" _You can't!" shrieks Rey. "I need to—my parents are coming back! They need to—"_

" _Quiet, girl," Unkar orders._

" _No! I'll work. I'll wash your things. The knives and the scraps. And you can feed me for it instead of for free. Don't give me away!"_

" _Fine," Unkar grouses. The other creature sneers and scuttles off._

Kylo gasps and jerks from the dream, blinking as he turns and finds Rey gaping at him.

"Cloud City?" she questions.

"Unkar almost _sold_ you?" The things Kylo could do to that disgusting—

Rey's face flames as if the memory humiliates her.

"I'm so sorry," Kylo manages. He can think of a million ways to end that creature. None of which would reassure Rey, because the damage has been done. _  
_

"Snoke was after you," Rey says. "Always."

Kylo nods.

"Is he still?" she demands.

Kylo shrugs. "I think if he finds me, he'll crush me." Bile stings his mouth. "He's got no further use for me now that I'm not serving him."

"If he wanted you to be a creature of the Dark and the Light—why are you so desperate to get rid of the Light?" Rey demands. "I don't understand."

"It's not so much the traditional Dark or Light." Kylo hesitates. "How much do you know of the Jedi and the Sith?"

"Only myths and legends," Rey answers, staring at him. Eager. Like she's curious, like she wants to know.

"It's—traditional Sith, and traditional Jedi—they all draw from a wellspring of emotions. Jedi repress hate, anger, fear, in favor of peace and compassion. The Sith encouraged… passion." Kylo scuffs the toe of his boot against the floor. "Snoke encourages none of it."

"I'm confused," Rey states. Kylo admires her for it. She's not ashamed to admit when she doesn't know.

"Snoke admires the Jedi's appreciation for knowledge, for defense. But when knowledge is limited to the Light Side, it's just that—limited. So he wants me to use both, but I can't—as long as there's Light, using the Dark Side—it doesn't quite work. I can't fully realize my powers then." He sounds petty and he knows it.

"But _why would you want to?"_

"Because emotions are weak. They make you foolish." Rey's face blanches and Kylo cringes, remembering that she's heard this before.

"How many times," Rey asks. "Have you been told that feeling things—that compassion and passion and all of it—make you weak and foolish, _Ben?"_

_Don't cry. That's weakness._

_Don't be afraid_ , Snoke whispered, and all the while Ben insisted he wasn't, he wasn't afraid, he was terrified and Snoke always knew. And he played with Ben's fear, luring him. It's crystal clear to Kylo, and he wants to scream.

He knows his eyes give her the answer, and their bond just confirms it. Rey shakes her head.

"So does Snoke think that if you repress all emotions, all feelings—you'll be wiser and better able to use the Force?"

Kylo nods. "And that there's no chance of clouded judgment."

"So he's never been angry?" Rey asks sarcastically, folding her arms across her chest. She scowls and uncrosses her arms, picking at a loose thread on her sweater.

 _The scavenger… resisted_ you?

 _Who's teaching whom here?_ Kylo wonders.

"For the record," she says, leaning forward. "Not feeling things is a pretty poor decision. Hoping kept me alive in Jakku. Hoping, and loving my family." Her breath hitches. _Even if they didn't love me._

"Wouldn't it be less painful if you didn't care?"

"Did you think your parents cared?" Rey asks. "Where did that get you?"

Kylo flinches. His breath comes in quick gasps, and he turns back towards the cockpit window.

"You wish you hadn't done it," Rey squeaks.

 _Shit. Damn bond_. "See? Weakness."

Rey snorts, but when he turns to face her, his stoic mask, the same mask he always wears around Snoke, stiffened on his face, he sees that she's looking at him like he's someone completely new, someone she's never met.

* * *

"Stop one," Poe announces as he guides the _Millennium Falcon_ to the planet's surface. All around, Finn sees tawny rocks and gray gravel. The closest sun is so far away that the planet's light is terribly, terribly dim.

Finn punches in their location, transmitting it to Luke. Last they heard, Leia still hadn't woken up, and Finn's beginning to think she never will.

And then, the Resistance might truly die. Unless they can find Rey.

"Ask if Chewie's still pissed we stole the Falcon," Poe says.

"He was not pissed. He wanted us to have it," Finn corrects. "For Rey."

Poe shrugs. "Seemed pretty angry to me."

"I think that's just how he comes across."

Poe studies him and gives a quick nod. "Okay then."

"Last time I was on this ship," Finn says. "It was to rescue Rey from the Starkiller. With Han."

"In all luck, she'll have decided to ditch that piece of shit," Poe says. "And we won't have to do any rescuing. Because, let's face it, it's a lot more likely we'll need her to rescue us, Jedi that she is."

Finn grins at his friend's faith in Rey. "Thanks, Poe."

"No problem, buddy." Poe climbs out of the pilot's seat, from where he's been giving Finn directions on how to co-pilot. Sort of. "Now I need some help."

"With what?"

Poe nods at the stormtrooper armor they brought with them. "How the blazes do you put this on?"

Finn chuckles. "Let me help you. Clamp them around your legs; it's got hooks in it."

"Um, okay." Poe bites his lip and watches as Finn changes in front of him. He copies Finn. When everything's on except the masks, Poe reaches out and touches Finn's shoulder. Even through the armor, Finn can tell Poe's hands are shaking.

"You ready for this?" Poe asks.

"Are you?" Finn asks.

"Danger's never meant anything to me." Poe smirks.

 _Your hands tell a different story_.

"Although I'm more worried for you," Poe admits. "I think—you know, for someone who doesn't consider himself brave, you're constantly rushing back into danger. Not just danger even, but like—the things that you fear most. I don't even know if I could do that."

Something stings in Finn's eyes. Poe _means_ it. He wraps his arms around Poe in a hug. He doesn't say anything, because he doesn't need to. "What are you most afraid of?" he inquires, joking, as he pulls back.

Poe doesn't laugh. "I'll tell you when we leave this place. Hopefully with information on Rey," he adds.

* * *

Luke sees how everyone looks at him. A disappointment. A let down. And yet, he can't conjure up the emotions he should have, the shame, the embarrassment. Because they should have known. They should have expected this. Everyone in the galaxy should have, after his padawans were all slaughtered because he was too preoccupied with his own pursuits.

And the Dark Side pulled Luke himself closer and closer, and when he found everything gone, everything dead, when Ben was gone, Luke screamed and screamed and fled. Because he knew if he went to Leia—if he stayed—the Dark Side would consume him. He was too angry.

The only reason these Resistance members look up to him still is Leia. Leia, who still believes in him. Not even Yoda, Obi-Wan, or Father have appeared to him in all his years of exile.

 _If once you start down the dark path, forever will it dominate your destiny_ , _consume you it will._

It might have done just that, Luke fears. And he knows what fear means. He might have turned from the Dark Side, but the consequences—they haunt him. The ghosts shriek at him from Rey's eyes, and every memory of Ben sears the inside of Luke's skull.

Leia sent Ben to him to save him. And Luke might as well have pushed him into the fire, because he ignored the boy. He showed him precious little compassion, not truly. He loved Ben, but he never gave him what he needed.

How can he tell her? How can he tell anyone?

Luke buries his face in his hands. For years, he was a nobody, and then he was a hero, and then he was a hero trying to be a nobody, and now he's expected to become a hero again, and he doesn't know that he can. The Jedi temple has only shown him how wrong he's been, and how much he has to learn.

Luke envies the days he charged into Cloud City to confront Vader, to save his friends. He wishes he knew less. What he knows torments him.

And the worst part is that from being around the Jedi temple, Luke's learned that maybe all he was teaching his padawans was wrong. Misguided.

Chewie notices first. He roars, and Luke whirls around, fearing the worst. 3PO's gasping: "Oh, my—oh—Master _Luke!"_

Leia's eyelids flutter, and Luke rushes towards her, freezing before he can grab her hand.

Her eyes fully open, and her gaze hardens on her brother.

 _I'm in for it,_ Luke realizes.

But none of it matters. Leia's _awake_ , and Luke grabs her hand and presses it to his streaming eyes.

* * *

"I'm following your lead," Poe whispers when Finn pauses outside a mound of rocks and stones. Something squawks back in the forest of pine trees they emerged from.

"If we get into town," Finn murmurs. "We can sneak into the headquarters. See if we can find any information on where Kylo Ren is."

"How likely do you think that is?" Poe inquires.

Finn wishes he could see his friend's eyes through the stormtrooper helmet. "Not terribly likely. Not here. But we can maybe find something on—someone. Hux. I know it's not a foolproof plan; I'm sorry."

"There's no such thing as a foolproof plan anyways," Poe says confidently, armor-clad hand resting on Finn's shoulder. "And we won't stop until we find her."

In town, the common Rodians and humans look at Poe and Finn with respect. Other stormtroopers march past, apparently unaware that anything is suspect. _Good_. With each step, Finn's chest relaxes.

The metal doors of the headquarters, garish in the sunlight, swallow the two of them up. Sweat drips cold down Finn's back. The sudden dimness tugs at his hope, threatening to tear it to pieces as familiar numbers and orders echo from a robotic voice.

"This way." Finn marches up a flight of stairs, Poe's footsteps echoing behind him. "We can do this. We can do this."

"Yes, we can," Poe reassures him.

Under his mask, Finn smirks.

"Where are you going?" interrupts a voice. "You don't have permission to be in this area!"

Poe's blaster starts to jerk upwards, but Finn steps in front of his friend. "Since when? Stromtroopers can always—"

"Are you part of the new arrivals?"

"Yes," Poe says quickly. "Yes, we are."

"Oh." The stormtrooper lowers his weapon. "New rules. Captain Phasma's taking no chances."

 _Phasma—she's alive?_ Horror winds its way down Finn's throat, into his stomach. "Is the stricter security a result of the Starkiller disaster?" he manages to ask.

"Considering it was just implemented a few days ago, not quite." The stormtrooper snorts.

"We'll get out of here, then," Poe says, turning and walking away oh-so-calmly. Finn follows.

"What in the hell is going on?" Finn hisses to Poe. "That's not normal."

"We have to break into that transmission room," Poe declares. "Something's up. Something big."

"Do you think it's the stormtroopers we captured? That surrender to us?"

"You have better insight than me," Poe points out, lowering his voice as three other troopers march by.

"No," Finn decides. "Something much larger."

"But if the Resistance is weakened, it can't be something we've—unless there's another pocket of—could it be related to Rey?"

"Maybe." But the general energy sizzling around the base seems to be turbulent, boiling with unease and fear.

"Maybe Rey struck out to battle them on her own?" Poe whispers.

"But then what about Kylo Ren?" Finn asks.

"Have you heard anything new?" demands another stormtrooper. A woman this time.

"About…?" Finn prompts.

"The rumors."

"We've heard a few rumors about Kylo Ren, yeah," Poe says, sliding smoothly into the conversation. Finn's windpipe freezes. He coughs.

"Do you know if it's true he's deserted the First Order?" the girl asks, leaning forward. "Everyone's wondering."

 _Deserted?_ It takes all of Finn's self-control not to turn to Poe in shock. "We're not sure," Finn says.

"It can't be true," the girl says, voice wavering.

Finn's mind swims and he can't think straight. _What does this_ mean?

Poe directs Finn back the way they came. "Let's get out of here."

"That doesn't make sense," Finn breathes.

"I have no idea." Poe shakes his head. "I just—we need to go. And I need to take this frickin' helmet off. Like, how the heck did you survive in this thing for hours, Finn?"

"I hated it," Finn admits. "Makes me feel claustrophobic."

"I can see why." Poe slows his gait as they round a corner. "Luke might be able to give us some insight. I think that man knows more about—about this whole mess that the galaxy's in—than he's said."

The moment Poe says those words, Finn knows they're true. "You're right." They emerge from the bunker and the sunlight splashes down on them. BB-8's waiting for them in the _Falcon_ , and maybe more answers too.

They're not any closer to Rey, though. But at least, if Kylo Ren isn't working with the First Order—that's something, and Finn will cling to anything.

"Hands up, or both of you die," comes a voice, a voice so familiar, a voice that barks inside Finn's skull every night when he tries to dream of the future and can only dream of the past.

_Shit._

If it were just him, Finn might have fled. But it's not, and he can't communicate with Poe without them noticing, and they can't both fire blasters and expect to get out alive. Not when a swarm of troopers is closing around them, white armor glinting like malevolent snow.

"Put down the blasters," Phasma orders. A dozen blasters aim at Poe. Two dozen aim at Finn.

Poe looks at him, and Finn groans internally as he drops his blaster.

"Take off your masks."

Finn removes his. Poe does likewise, setting his jaw in a look of defiance, and Finn copies him, glaring at Phasma in what might be his last moments.


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "So tell me, FN-2187," Phasma commands. "Who's in charge now?"

Rey doesn't even try to sleep. She doesn't know where Ben's taking them. Ben, not Kylo. She won't call him that again.

Her dream… his memory. Having that awful voice grating in his mind, grinding the Light out of him, twisting it into something that's not quite Light at all…

_The Light. It's always been there. Close your eyes. Feel it._

Rey closes her eyes, and instead of feeling peace, comfort, purpose, she feels possibility. She feels the potential for chaos.

Rey straightens and studies Ben, hunched over in his seat, hands clenched, surrounded by darkness.

 _If Snoke knew about me,_ Rey wonders. _Would he have gone after me like he went after Ben?_

_Would he have invaded my mind? Would he have seduced me?_

_I could have been you,_ Rey thinks, feeling Ben pulsating in her mind.

_And you could have been me._

_Who are you?_ Rey asks herself. _Not a Jedi. Not of the Dark Side, either._

When she looks at Ben, she sees an angry, bitter murderer and a terrified child, desperate to please someone who never even knew he existed.

Just like she wants to please her parents. Or wanted to, for so many years. _I'll wait here for you, just like you told me,_ she'd think, as she scratched lines in a wall, so many lines she couldn't even count them all anymore.

_The belonging you seek is not behind you. It is ahead._

"Ben," Rey says, climbing to her feet.

He glances over to her, hair flopping in front of his eyes.

"You said you wanted to teach me," Rey says, gripping her lightsaber hilt. "Why don't we start now?"

"We're not—"

"I need to better my lightsaber skills," Rey tells him, igniting hers. She swings it, and his eyes widen and his lips almost move into something of a smile.

"Did my uncle spar with you?"

Rey nods. "Did Snoke? With you?"

"No. The other Knights of Ren did." Ben swallows.

"Who are they?"

"I joined them when I left my uncle's training."

 _I won't make you tell. Not yet,_ Rey thinks, and he nods as if he heard her, or at least understood.

Red light sparks from his saber, and Rey lunges at him. Ben deftly avoids her and she tumbles to the floor.

"You're using it like it's a stick or something,"

"I'm trying not to use our bond. I want to train as I am, myself," Rey says.

"That's wise," Ben advises her.

"And I'm using it like the staff I used to use on Jakku. Whenever thugs came after me." Rey gets back to her feet. She doesn't think she has any bruises.

Ben coughs—or laughs? "Try holding it like this." He holds out his hand, showing Rey how he's gripping his lightsaber.

She lunges again, and he strikes back. Rey stumbles.

"Don't ever leave your flank open."

Sweat dampens along her hairline as Rey copies Ben's moves, all of which he shows her slowly. It's so tempting to just tap into their bond, defeat him—but she doesn't want to do that. She wants to beat him _herself_. "Block. Then strike—not like that!"

Rey watches as he spins, tensing up for the blow coming at her, watching how he aims at her, how he flexes his wrists to avoid hurting her. She hits his lightsaber back with the same move, but lower down on the blade—and it flies through the air. He stumbles and tumbles to the ground, his legs flying up and knocking her down too.

Rey grunts as she slams into the floor—although some of what she's landed on is too soft to be the floor.

 _Oh._ Rey presses up, halfway lying on top of Ben, who gapes at her, bangs strewn across his forehead.

"I learn from watching as well as listening," Rey informs him.

"Hm." He's searching their bond. Rey smirks when his eyes widen in shock when he realizes she didn't cheat. Shock, and—he's impressed. He's lying under her, warm and with his heart beating inches from her hand, and he doesn't look angry at all.

Rey's eyes trace the purple scar jutting up his face. She knew she didn't have to hit him in the face when she did it. She slashed him there because she wanted him to look the monster he was. "Does it still hurt?"

Ben shakes his head.

* * *

"So tell me, FN-2187," Phasma commands. "Who's in charge _now?"_

 _How the hell did you even escape that death trap?_ Finn wonders. He thinks of Poe on Jakku and draws strength. He grins. "I am."

Phasma slaps him with her hand still armored. Finn's nose feels like it's been split in two, and he spits out blood. Salt stings inside his mouth.

He's not lying, though. He _is_ in charge. Because he won't do what she wants. He won't give her anything. He's in charge of his own destiny, no matter what Phasma does to him. And there's no Kylo Ren to tear his thoughts from his mind.

"What are you doing here? How many more of you are there?" A fist collides with his sternum, and Finn tries to suck in air, but it won't come. Finally, a few puffs fill his lungs, but they scrape his throat.

"It's just us," Finn croaks.

" _Liar."_

Finn rolls his eyes. It's hard to maintain this bravado, but he's not giving in. Not this time. "Have you even known me to lie, Phasma?"

"I've known you to betray everything and everyone you know," she sneers. "Betray the First Order, which—"

"Which kidnapped me as a baby?" Finn snarls.

Phasma slams her fist into his jaw. This time, the world smacks into him, black and airless.

When he wakes up, Finn's alone in a cell, strapped to a chair that lacks the specialized torture devices of the one on the _Finalizer_.

"You okay?" a voice rasps.

 _Oh. Not alone._ Finn cranes his neck and realizes there's a separate chair directly behind him. He cant see Poe's face, see how badly he's been hurt. "Did they torture you, too?"

"I've been through worse," Poe manages. "Anything's better than that Kylo Ren mind thing."

"I think I've got a few broken ribs," Finn says.

"Shit," Poe groans. "How are we going to get out of this one?"

"Working on it. Is BB-8—did they mention the droid at all?"

"Nope, but it's only a matter of time."

"Dammit." Finn strains against the restraints. No go. Why can't he have some of this bloody Force?

* * *

Kylo leaves Rey to eat more of the dried fruit and pauses by the computing equipment near the front of the shuttle. What will she say when she finds out he wants to go to Corellia, his father's home planet?

Snoke won't think to look for him there. At least not right away. Kylo flicks on one of the transceivers he has, an untraceable one, and listens like he does every few hours, checking to make sure that no one's coming after them.

The chatter he picks up, however, burns in his scars. His shoulder, his arm, his side, his face—they all throb. _Shit_. Kylo switches it off, pulse pounding in his throat.

"What is it?" Rey's voice, softer and gentler than he deserves, leaks through the air. Kylo wraps his arms around himself, squeezing as if he'd like to crack his ribs like he cracks his knuckles in his too-tight fists.

"Someone's coming after us?"

He shakes his head, still unable to face her.

"I can feel something's wrong, Ben! Or else why are you so afraid?" Rey's hand lands on his arm, and she yanks him around to face her.

His fear bleeds into her, and Kylo hesitates. He can't lie. She'll know. "I think some of your friends have been caught by the First Order."

"What?" Rey's eyes widen. "Luke?"

" _No_." Kylo doesn't want to tell her. _Dammit_. "The—the escaped stormtrooper. And the pilot."

"Finn," Rey breathes. "And Poe."

Kylo nods. He knows their names, of course. Finn from Rey's mind. Poe from his own.

"Where?" Rey demands, earth-hued fire sparking in her eyes. "Do you know where they are?"

"Rey—you can't—"

"Are you kidding me? They're my friends. They helped me. Finn—" Rey's eyes fill with tears. "Finn _came back for me_. When no one else ever had."

 _After you kidnapped me_.

She agreed to let him teach her. She _is_ letting him teach her. And their bond's getting more powerful, and when they sparred earlier and she learned, she learned all on her own—that was exhilarating. So many sparks jolted through him, envigorating and healing, seaming all the fissures he knows he has and ones he hadn't even acknowledged back together.

And yet, he hurt her.

He made her cry.

He took away her father figure—and oh, she couldn't see his face, she didn't know they had a bond yet, she didn't feel the agony that spliced him open the moment Kylo pushed his father off the bridge and realized it was over, and he wasn't just weakened—he was _sickened_ , sickened with _himself_.

"Are you going to go to them?" he asks, voice cold, but he's screaming inside. His knuckles pop.

"You're going to let me."

"You're my…" He can't say _guest_. Not again. "Apprentice. Sort of. You're _not_ a prisoner."

_Don't go._

_Please, Rey, don't go._

He could make her stay. He could beg her. But that wouldn't be right, and he knows it, and he wants to scream, cut things, destroy something, because he can't face Corellia without her because he's about to lose _again_. _Dammit, shit, fuck!_

He'll have to go back to Snoke, suffer. In which case he might as well bring her, too. Kylo clenches his jaw and it cracks.

_Never._

He can't, and he wants to slash his own face with a lightsaber, burn his own shoulder. _No. No._ Every muscle in his body tightens, and even in fists, his hands shake.

"I'll take one of the escape pods," Rey says. "You should come."

"He'll kill you. They'll kill you," Kylo tells her. This time his voice shakes.

"Come with me. I can learn and—"

He shakes his head, because he knows he won't. "I'm never going back."

Rey cocks her head, and even though they're both awake now, he sees Finn in her mind, Finn telling her that he's running because there is no fight against the First Order. The traitor's smarter than Kylo thought.

"You'll die for them," he says. "Why?"

"Because they were willing to die for _me_ ," she reminds him. "They're my friends."

 _You mean the murderers, traitors, and thieves you call friends?_ "Of course," Kylo can't help saying. His father fills his mind, the memory stabbing and burning and sending bitter sparks to prick Kylo's lungs. They shudder. _He came for you, but never for me._

"That's bullshit," Rey spits. "He _gave_ his life for you."

* * *

"It's so wonderful that you're awake, Princess—er, General," crows 3PO. "I daresay, another day, another piece of bad news—and finally, some good news!"

"What bad news today?" Leia interrupts. Luke's heart palpitates. His sister can always read his expression. Which is presumably why she hasn't scolded him yet for leaving, or for letting Rey go. Although when she found out the latter news, she squeezed her eyes shut and moaned. Although he can see her fury sparking below the surface, and it's only a matter of time until it erupts. 

_I failed again, Luke thought. He didn't understand why his early life was characterized by successes against all odds—the Death Star, Endor, all his adventures with Lor San Tekka—and now his life is characterized by failures._

And with the knowledge of the Jedi temple, he knows just how badly he failed.

Chewie groans.

"Dameron? And—Finn?"

Luke nods. "We haven't been able to reach them. Intelligence from Brance suggests that they've been—captured."

"No." Leia clenches her jaw. "That can't—not again. Do we know where they are?"

"Our forces are severely weakened, General," 3PO murmurs. "I'm afraid that even if we had forces to deploy, they're too dispirited to—"

R2 squeaks in indignation.

"Well, of course I agree they should be willing to—I know how important—don't you talk to me like that!" 3PO squawks.

R2 squeals and darts over to Chewie.

 _Some things never change,_ Luke thinks. He looks at his own hands—one mechanical, the other wrinkled flesh, lined with veins and graying hair. _And some things change too much._

Chewie groans a message.

"I _know_ we need Rey back," Luke says irritably. "But we've no idea where to even—and if this has happened to Finn and to Poe—"

"I promised her she wouldn't share the fate of my son," Leia snaps, and the gaunt agony haunting her face cuts Luke in the gut. _This_. This is why he ran.

When Ben started spending long hours away, Luke didn't check in with him as often as he should. He trusted the boy, quiet though he was. Sure, the Dark Side simmered within him, just as it simmered in Luke, because their hearts pumped the blood of Anakin Skywalker, and they had the possibility to become Anakin or Darth Vader.

Luke knew of Leia's concerns when he took his nephew as a padawan. He saw the boy's enthusiasm, kept under the surface at times, and trusted him because he wanted to.

But how could he train a generation of Jedi, without much training of his own?

In his determination to make for a perfect teacher, he failed each and every one of his students. He failed his family—his nephew, his sister, his father. He failed Yoda, and Obi-Wan, yet again, and watched the temple on Tatooine go up in ash as his students lay murdered around him.

All because he thought he underestimated the Dark Side, thought that if Obi-Wan and Yoda had been wrong about his father's destiny being consumed by it, it might not be as dangerous as he thought.

But the Dark Side hadn't consumed him. It just consumed everything from him.

And then Rey appeared, holding out the saber, and he was too afraid, too lost, to help her because the temple and its relics showed him just how wrong he'd been.

Now, Luke knows what he needs to do, but he doesn't know if he has the strength to do it.

His mouth opens anyways. "I'll find her."

"Good." Leia grasps his hand, her eyes glittering. "You need to do this, Luke." There it is. Her anger. 

"I'll come back, this time," Luke promises.

"I know you will," Leia tells him, an unspoken threat in her words that makes Luke almost smile. "And Luke. If you see Ben…"

"I'll slap him silly," Luke jokes.

Leia shakes her head. "Don't hurt him. That's all I ask." That's all she feels she has the right to ask, Luke realizes. And if she were well, she would assuredly be coming with him.

But she's not, and perhaps it's just as well. Because Ben might kill her.

Somehow, Luke thinks Leia believes it a worthy way to die.

Thank goodness the Resistance needs her.

"Take Chewie and R2 with you," Leia tells him.

"Will _you_ be okay here by yourself?" Luke asks.

"A few months ago we had nothing," Leia says. "We have _something_ now."


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> And just thinking of asteroids makes Kylo clench his fists. He thinks of C-3PO detailing his mother and father's time spent trapped in an asteroid field, when they were rebels.
> 
> I'm lost.
> 
> He says it aloud too, but no one responds. The sound doesn't even echo.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning for a brief mention of suicidal thoughts.

**Trying not to lose my head**

**But I have never been this scared before**

**Tell you what I'll do instead**

**Lay my body down on the floor**

**To forget what I've done**

**Silhouette till the good Lord come**

**The Fray, "The is Where the Story Ends"**

* * *

"All right, all right," Poe grumbles as a stormtrooper shoves him back into the chair with so much force Finn's chair rattles. "Dammit!"

There's a slap, and Finn flinches.

The stormtrooper marches out. The door clicks.

"How bad?" Finn chokes out. Phasma isn't playing around with them. Surely they only have another day or two before she realizes they aren't going to crack. And then—and then she'll either kill them, or transport them to Snoke.

"Not that bad," Poe mumbles.

"Are you—"

"Hold on." Poe groans. "Come on—yes!"

"What?" Finn demands, twisting around in his chair and coming face to face with Poe. Dried blood cakes Poe's nose and cheek, but his eyes sparkle.

"I tricked the guard. He left one of my hand restraints untied."

"Yes!" Finn exults.

"Hold on." Poe groans as he kneels and undoes the straps securing Finn's feet. And then his wrists are free, and he and Poe both scramble to the door, hope carrying them along and dulling the pain of their bruises.

It only takes them a half hour to realize there's no hope of escaping.

"Well," Poe says. "We wait."

"And try to jump armed stormtroopers?" Finn snorts.

"You got a better idea?"

"Nope." Finn shakes his head. "They're going to kill us anyways."

"I know." Poe's tone is bleak, far bleaker than any tone Finn's ever heard from the man before. Finn slides his eyes in Poe's direction.

"It's not a bad way to die," Poe mutters. "I mean, I expected to die on the _Finalizer_."

"You got a brief reprieve," Finn jokes morbidly.

"Didn't mean to take you with me," Poe grumbles, shaking his head.

"What?" Finn's heart seizes. He grabs Poe's shoulder. "Don't say that! This was my idea. Good grief, if either of us should be apologizing, it should be me, for dragging you—"

"But you don't regret it. This mission," Poe interrupts, searching Finn's face, his cheeks and his lips and his brow, for—for what? Finn's stomach clenches in a knot, and something warm drifts into his brain.

He shakes his head. "No. Rey's my friend."

"You're brave," Poe tells him, swallowing.

"Phasma always told me my empathy would get me killed," Finn says, and shrugs. His rib aches, and he winces.

"Yeah, but your empathy saved me. Saved a lot of people, with the Starkiller and D'Qar." Poe bites his lip and leans closer, head pressed against the locked door. "The Resistance will continue without us. Leia _will_ recover, and Luke—"

"We don't know that."

Poe shrugs. "We're about to die. We can believe anything we want to."

"You don't think Rey's gone completely to the Dark Side, do you?" Finn questions.

"No. She'll come back."

Finn can't tell if Poe's just proclaiming this because he wants to believe it, or because he actually does, or even if there's a distinction. "Why were you so antagonistic to Rey when she got to Coruscant?"

Poe reaches a bloodied hand up to his hair. "I was—I didn't meant to be."

"But you were."

"I was jealous," Poe confesses, cringing as if he expects Finn to judge him.

"Why? Of what?" Finn blinks, but his heart starts to pound, and everything within him clutches the last shreds of life. Everything's so vivid—the pink of Poe's lips against the crimson of the torture he's been through, the tingling in Finn's belly and in his fingertips, the soft feel of Poe's breaths against his face.

"You," Poe whispers. "Finn—I—"

Finn's always liked girls. Rey, for one. But now… he looks into Poe's eyes, glistening and the hope within, and he wonders. He leans in and kisses Poe because he wants to, because why not, because Poe's been there for him and Poe's the first person who treated him like a human being instead of a number. Poe's mouth opens, and he's exploring the insides of Finn's mouth, and Finn hurtles into it, into this spiraling sensation as the cold reality of their situation melt away.

Poe breaks them apart, gasping. He cups Finn's cheek in his hand. "Are you—Finn, I—you're—"

"Yeah?"

Poe shakes his head, because he doesn't have words to say, and Finn knows everything he would have said anyways. He's never experienced anything like this before—never pictured anyone caring in that way for him, not really, not until now, when suddenly all those quivering sensations in his abdomen when Poe comes near make sense.

Poe's lips take Finn's lower one, and they're kissing again, and Finn might be in prison, might be back where his nightmares all started, but he's not the First Order's.

* * *

She's gone.

_What do I have left?_

Kylo peers out the windows of his shuttle, his fancy shuttle Snoke procured for him. It's a hollow shell now. Stars burn and burn out all around him, planets orbit and spin, and an asteroid field lurks nearby, according to his equipment, even though he can't see any asteroids yet.

And just thinking of asteroids makes Kylo clench his fists. He thinks of C-3PO detailing his mother and father's time spent trapped in an asteroid field, when they were rebels.

_I'm lost._

He says it aloud too, but no one responds. The sound doesn't even echo.

Rey still gleams in his mind, a connection they can't break, but she's not _here_. And without her, without the First Order and without Snoke—he doesn't know. He doesn't know.

 _It's not fair._ Bitter blood fills his mouth. He eases up on biting his tongue.

_Come home. We miss you._

_I am being torn apart. I wish to be free of this pain._

Now he's been torn apart, and he's bleeding out and no one's around the staunch the flow, because he stabbed and pushed one of the only people who would, and another lies in a coma because of him, and one exiled himself after Kylo murdered people he cared about, and the other's now left him, and he can't blame any of them.

Kylo buries his face in his hands. _Grandfather, help me._

There's no reply, and without his helmet, there's no guidance, no sense that the Force is with him. The sense of uselessness bubbles inside of him, stretching him to the point where he can't deal with it, can't _stand_ it, can't stand his own skin.

Kylo screams and slashes at the wall with his saber. It doesn't bring him the satisfaction it usually does, and he throws the saber across the shuttle, crumpling onto the control panel. Dazed, he grabs at the transceiver and switches it on, listening to the First Order. Rey won't be there yet.

He hopes she succeeds.

A familiar name. _Hux_.

Coming for the traitor and the pilot. No doubt to take them to Snoke. Unless Rey gets there first…

Out of the corner of Kylo's eye he spots a large, looming object swirling through space and blocking the bluish light of a nearby star. An asteroid, and it calls to him.

_Do it._

Kylo's hands tighten on the controls, the same type of controls his father taught him how to use. _Like that, Ben._

_Your son is gone. He was weak and foolish like his father, so I destroyed him!_

He could finish the job. Right here. No more Kylo Ren, and no more Ben Solo. His hands shake. Nausea rolls up his throat, and his scalp aches. His eyes blur.

_It's all your own damn fault._

She's still beating in his mind. Rey. A ray of light, and dark too—passion, hope, fear for her friends.

Is fear all Dark? Isn't fear for someone else Light?

Kylo moves the controls, aiming the shuttle.

* * *

Rey lands her escape pod on the surface of a planet covered in trees that have spikes for leaves. She exits, her stomach roiling. She's been eating all those dried fruits, but for the past few hours they've been churning inside her. Churning because she's afraid of what she'll find here. Churning because she's afraid Finn and Poe might not make it out alive.

She might not, either. No matter what Rey didn't have on Jakku, she always had her life. On occasion, she fought for it, because she wasn't going to let her family come back to a skeleton.

 _May the Force be with me,_ Rey thinks. She feels Ben throbbing in her mind, stronger than ever. Maybe he knows she needs to use their bond to survive this. She hopes so.

 _Even if I don't make it,_ Rey thinks. _I hope you go home, Ben._ She doubts he can hear her—he'd mentioned telepathy might be possible, but not just yet—but she thinks it anyways, hopes her feelings translate without words.

Something whirs to her right. Rey whirls and gasps. " _BB-8!"_

The droid races to her, shrieking.

"Shh, shh," Rey hushes it, dropping to her knees. "Where are Finn and Poe?"

 _Where were you?_ the droid demands.

"With—where I needed to be," Rey says, glancing around her, trying to see if monsters lurk in the trees. "But I've come now. I heard—I heard about Poe and Finn."

 _How?_ demands the droid.

"You don't need to know," Rey informs it. "Not yet. Trust me, all right? I've come to rescue them. Like Finn and Han—and Poe—rescued me."

_The First Order searched the Falcon. I hid._

"Are they still on it?" Rey asks.

_No._

"Show me where Finn and Poe are," Rey commands. "And then go and hide near where the Falcon is, but stay out of sight until you hear us calling for you. I'm going to find them. I promise."

BB-8 leads her to the edge of the forest, and then she's on her own, without a disguise. Thank goodness it's nighttime, but from what BB-8 said, nights don't last very long on this planet.

Rey closes her eyes and concentrates on the Force, that well inside of her that suddenly spills over. Hope and determination latch onto her ribs, propelling her forward. She hopes Ben feels it, too. Her hands clutch the lightsaber hilt.

"Take me to your headquarters," Rey orders the first two stormtroopers she sees. "Escort me to the cells where you're keeping the traitor and the pilot. And Escort me as if I was your prisoner."

The troopers fix their blasters on her, obeying without contest. Rey strides into the building, sweat beading on the back of her neck. _I can do this. I can do this._

"Open it," she commands when the troopers stop outside a cell. "And drop your weapons. Leave here and speak of this to no one."

"I will drop my weapon and leave here, and speak of this to no one," both of them repeat.

"Thank you." The door opens, and Finn and Poe lunge for her as if ready to fight.

" _Rey!"_

" _REY!"_

"You're okay!" Rey cries out, throwing her arms around Finn, and then around Poe.

"You're okay!" Finn exclaims. "I—we were—"

"It doesn't matter," Rey says, shaking her head. "You came for me that time. I wasn't going to leave you here."

"Did he kidnap you again?" Finn demands.

Rey shakes her head, grasping onto Ben's presence in her mind. "No." She doesn't know what else to offer Finn, how to explain. Even if they know about the bond—how can she explain the past few days?

"Well, isn't this touching," interrupts a sneering voice.

Rey whirls around, already speaking. "You will—"

"I've alerted the entire base to your presence, so even if you mind-trick me, you'll be shot on sight," the tall, chrome-clad captain informs her. "Chances are pretty high that one of your companions, or you, will die."

Rey steps closer. The other woman dwarfs her in every word, but Rey has the Force. Her lightsaber snaps on.

"All right, little girl," the woman drawls.

Neither Finn nor Poe are armed, but as more stormtroopers flood the area, they charge at them without a thought. Rey swipes at Phasma's tasing weapon, twirling the saber, drinking from her bond, awakening every sense in her body as she fights. Phasma slams a fist into Rey's shoulder, but she twists left and cuts down a stormtrooper.

And then she sees a chance and aims her lightsaber at Phasma's weapon. She follows it, and Rey elbows Phasma in the neck, yanking at the helmet, twisting it. The woman screams.

And she's on the ground, and Rey's lightsaber hovers inches from the woman's heart.

_Do it._

The same voice she heard in the forest. Her own voice, only twisted, saturated and rotting with the Dark Side. Rey hesitates, and in her mind, she sees her own lightsaber flashing red.

_No._

Rey wants no part of this.

"Put your saber down, or I kill your friends," a cool, slick voice rings out.

Rey turns to see a redheaded officer aiming a blaster at Poe's dark head, wrapped in a stormtrooper's chokehold. Poe gags. Cold shoots through Rey.

Finn has a blaster too, pointed at a group of stormtroopers. It wavers it in hands.

" _Both_ of you, put your weapons down," the man says, nose wrinkling in disdain. "Scavenger girl."

Rey switches off her lightsaber, and the woman lunges for it, twisting it out of her grasp and jerking one of Rey's arms behind her back. Her shoulder strains in her socket. She gasps. The woman tosses the lightsaber to the redhead, who examines in with a grimace.

"Snoke will be especially happy to see _you_ ," muses the redhead. She doesn't like how his beady eyes sweep her up and down, how there's nothing at all behind his irises. Not coldness, not hate— _nothing_.

"Rey!" Finn shouts.

"And you, _traitor_ ," snarls the redhead.

"No," Finn says, shaking his head.

"Finn— _no!"_ Rey screams. Poe's voice cries out, garbled and choking.

The redhead opens his mouth and Rey knows what he's about to say, and she _can't_ —she won't—"You will—" she tries even as the woman clamps a hand over her mouth.

"Let them all go, Hux," a voice interrupts. The bond surges inside Rey's head.

Ben stands there, eyes flashing and sweat glistening on his face just like that night on the Starkiller, red lightsaber pointed not at her this time, not at Finn, but at the First Order.


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "You!" Spittle flies through the air as Hux's eyes narrow into slits.
> 
> "Me," Ben confirms.

" _You!"_ Spittle flies through the air as the redhead's eyes narrow into slits.

"Me," Ben confirms. The woman tightens her grip on Rey's arm, but Rey's smiling anyways, because there's _hope_.

The redhead fumbles with Rey's lightsaber, trying to ignite it. Ben's arm shoots out, and it flies into his hand.

_The lightsaber—it belongs to me!_

Rey's gaze snaps to Finn's, and both of them snap into action. Rey drives the back of her skull into the woman's chin, sending her tumbling back and setting Rey's arm free. Finn fires his blaster at the distracted stormtrooper, and Poe wrenches free.

The redhead lunges at Ben, but he easily deflects the blast from Huz's gun, blue sparks exploding through the air. Hux howls as some of them land on his skin.

The chrome woman leaps to her feet, and Rey ducks a blow, grabbing a blaster from a fallen trooper and trying to fire it. She misses and chucks it at the woman, hitting her in the side of her face. A stormtrooper falls behind her. Rey whirls around to see that Finn's shot the trooper, who was about to shoot Rey. _Another weapon._ She grabs it.

"Hey!" Poe shouts, and Finn fires at a trooper who shoots at Ben, who narrowly avoids the blast. Lightsabers fall. Rey thrusts her hand out, and the hilt flies into her hand. She ignites it.

_Oh._

Wrong one.

Red sparks from her hands, and she hopes the crossguards won't burn her, but otherwise, she doesn't have time to think. The chrome woman gets up again and Rey thrusts the saber at her. It cuts through the armor. The woman screams as the red burns her shoulder, but still she tries to point her blaster—aim it—Rey swipes at her legs, grazing the woman's knees. She tumbles, and Rey kicks the blaster from her fingers.

"Let's _go_!" Ben shouts. Rey turns to see the redhead writhing and clutching his side. _Alive_.

"With _you?"_ Poe bellows.

" _Yes,_ Poe!" Rey screams at him. "Do you want to stay here?"

"Not particularly," Poe admits, grabbing Finn's arm and fleeing after Ben.

"Here!" Ben tosses Rey's lightsaber back at her, and she throws the red one back to him.

Blaster fire squeals around them as they charge towards the forest.

"Get on!" Finn suddenly shouts, veering towards the left and jumping on a speeder made for two, but clearly able to hold four. He grins at Rey, and she shudders as she remembers their flight on the Starkiller.

"You drive!" Finn adds, clapping Rey on the shoulder as he aims a blaster, firing back.

"You came!" she yells to Ben.

"Shit!" Poe groans as he clutches his side.

"Poe!" Finn cries out.

"You drive now!" Rey orders Ben, lunging to grab Poe.

"I can—"

"You're not coming near me!" Poe snarls at Ben, grimacing. "Oh, _dam_ mit."

"How bad is it?" Rey pries his hands away. A deep wound, but she doubts it will be fatal. Relief crashes into her. "There's bacta on the Falcon—you'll be okay—"

The speeder lurches to a stop by the Falcon. Rey tries to hoist Poe over her shoulder. He's heavy, and she stumbles.

"Oh, for heaven's sake," Ben snaps, grabbing Poe's other arm. Finn scowls but continues firing at the troopers chasing after them. One of their speeders flips and crashes.

" _Yes!"_ Finn yells.

" _BB-8!"_ Rey screams. "BB-8! Come quickly!"

The little droid speeds out from behind a tree. The moment it sees Ben with Poe, its stingers come out.

"Wait! Not till we're on board!" Rey shrieks, dashing up. The droid obeys, but even without eyes, Rey can feel the fury in it. So much for droids not having personalities.

Finn closes the ramp, and without any directions, leaps down into the gunner position. Ben pushes Poe onto the bunk, Poe glaring at him. Rey rifles through the _Falcon_ , searching for the bacta and not caring what she throws on the floor. "Pilot this ship! _Get us the hell out of this system!"_ she barks to Ben, who nods and darts towards the cockpit.

 _Where is it? Where the bloody hell is—here_. Rey's fingers grab the bacta and she rushes back towards Poe.

"Are you for fucking real?" Poe gasps, cringing. "We have Kylo Ren flying the damn ship. _Kylo Ren."_

"Shut up, Poe," Rey says, unscrewing the bacta cap.

"But for real, Rey?"

"No, clearly the First Order drugged you and you're hallucinating—yes, _for real,_ Poe!" She applies the bacta, hands shaking. He came after her. He saved them. Saved all three of them.

The Falcon jerks off the ground, and BB-8 squeals.

"I'm gonna be fine, BB-8!" Poe groans. "Now go up to that cockpit and keep Kylo Ren in line, you hear me? Sting him if he tries to pull any funny business."

BB-8 chirps about how pleasing it finds these orders, and rolls away.

"Really?" Rey asks.

"Dude tortured me, Rey."

Rey gulps, remembering the pain when Kylo Ren invaded her head. And he claimed he was going _as gentle as possible._ She doubts he afforded the same courtesy to Poe.

She doesn't have an answer for Poe, so she doesn't offer one. Rey finishes applying the bacta and searches through the rubble of the mess she created for bandages as the ship pivots and twists. Rey flies through the air.

" _Rey!"_ Poe yelps.

"I'm okay," she ekes out from where she crashed. Bandages roll in front of her, and she snatches them, darting back towards the bunk. "I think they're still after us."

"Clearly," Poe states.

"Hold on!" Rey hears Ben yell. Finn shouts something intelligible from the gunner's seat.

Rey grabs Poe's shoulder as the _Falcon_ spins, rolling completely over.

" _If this idiot gets us killed, I swear I will kill him!"_ Poe shouts.

"That doesn't even make sense!" Rey counters as the ship rights itself.

Poe raises an eyebrow.

"I think we're all clear!" Finn's voice rings out, and he bounds out of the gunner's position.

"Thank goodness," Poe says, wincing as Rey finishes wrapping the bandages. "Good job. Sorry I got hit."

"Why would you apologize for something like that?" Finn drops to his knees next to the bunk, taking Poe's hand in his own. Rey's jaw drops, and something warm gushes through her.

"You two!" she exclaims.

Poe smirks. Finn shrugs.

"I'm so happy for you!" Rey declares. Finn deserves to be happy. Truly happy. And Poe—he seems like a pretty great guy.

"Kiss me?" Poe asks cheekily.

Finn laughs, but pecks Poe on the lips. "You scared the hell out of me."

"I'll go make sure Ben's doing all right. In the cockpit," Rey says. _And give you two some privacy._

She finds Ben staring out at the stars, looking as if he's trying very hard—too hard—not to look around him. _Did you learn how to fly on this ship?_ she wonders. BB-8 glares at Ben, sitting near his feet.

"You came," she says again, dropping into the co-pilot chair.

"A shuttle flies faster than an escape pod," he says.

"Thank you."

He flinches, turning to look at her, eye tormented and still being torn apart. Rey can feel it in their bond.

"Poe and Finn are dating," Rey announces, for no reason other than that she can. She grins to herself as she thinks about it.

"You're happy about that?"

"Can't you tell?"

He smirks, and then his lips fall.

"What are you thinking of?" Rey inquires, leaning towards him.

He looks back at her, and Rey can suddenly see into his mind, into their bond, and she feels him in hers, only he's there as a guest, not as an intruder.

* * *

" _They're sending me away because they're scared of me," Ben says, taller now, gangly, face all angles. He's peering at a hologram messenger in the Falcon's cockpit. "Aren't they?"_

" _Search your feelings. What do they tell you?" rasps the voice. The_ chilling _voice._

" _They're afraid of me," Ben whispers. He wipes angrily at his eyes, almost slapping himself. "Father is, at least."_

" _He loves you, I'm sure," purrs Snoke._

" _No," Ben insists. "I feel it. He doesn't. He thinks the Force is dangerous and he doesn't even want to understand it, or me. And Mother..."_

" _Ah." Snoke sighs. "But she loves you."_

" _I think so." He sniffs. "Will my uncle love me?"_

" _The future's impossible to predict, child," Snoke tells him._

_The Falcon vanishes, and the sands and suns of Tatooine replace it._

" _My mother said not to go anywhere alone with you," a Twi'lek girl tells Ben, whose jaw drops._

" _Why not?"_

" _Because she said there are rumors your family was part of the Dark Side once."_

_Ben doesn't understand. "My mother's a war hero! A senator! And Luke's my uncle! And my grandfather was murdered by Darth Vader!" Both of his mother's fathers, from what he knows._

" _And his dad's a criminal," jokes another boy._

" _He's a war hero too!" Ben insists._

" _Seems he doesn't understand what a hero is," the Twi'lek says to the other boy, who nods._

" _I heard he tried to strangle someone once," the boy whispers loudly, so Ben can still hear._

" _That's not true!" Ben did Force-choke another boy once. Only for like three seconds, because the other boy had dared him to. He never hurt the kid, and never intended to. In fact, the kid was laughing when Ben stopped. Unfortunately, Lor San Tekka saw it all, and that other boy, a kid Ben hoped would become his friend, wasn't allowed to play with him anymore._

" _Well, can you do cool Force stuff?" asks the boy in front of him now. "I still can't even levitate a damn rock."_

" _You said a bad word!" scolds the Twi'lek._

_Ben remembers Snoke's lessons, the last thing Snoke taught him before he left. "I can stop blaster bolts."_

" _You can't," states the Twi'lek._

" _I can." He hopes. He hasn't practiced since Snoke showed him, the same day Snoke forced his way into Ben's mind, leaving him screaming and crying on the floor._

"I had to make sure you weren't betraying what I told you, about the Knights of Ren," Snoke told him.

"I wouldn't! I told you I wouldn't tell!" These Knights, they sound like they have fun adventures, like dark side Jedi who aren't all exclusive like the evil Sith.

Snoke straightened. "You'll be okay. It doesn't do any real damage. Next time, I'll show you how to do it, too."

" _If I steal Luke's, will you show us?" demands the boy, dark eyes sparkling, eager._

_Ben nods._

_Two weeks later, the three of them sneak out at night, Shen carrying Luke's "borrowed" blaster._

" _I'll fire," volunteers Lili, her orange face curving in a smile. Ben doesn't quite trust her, but he agrees._

_When he stops the blaster bolt, both of their jaws drop. "How?" squeals Shen._

" _You weren't lying!" Lili gapes at him._

" _Nope." He shakes his head. "A friend taught me. Luke's not the only Force-sensitive adult in the galaxy, you know."_

" _He's the only Jedi, though," counters Lili._

_Ben shrugs._

" _Teach us!" insists Shen. "Please?"_

_And in the other boy's eyes, even in Lili's, Ben sees hope for friends. He nods. "Okay."_

_Two nights later, Uncle Luke finds them, and Ben's never seen his uncle so furious. He hauls them all back to camp, grabbing Ben and dragging him into the hut he stays in. He thrusts Ben against the wall. "What did you think you were doing?"_

" _They asked me to teach them," Ben squeaks out, hands grappling with the stones behind him. Something dark flashes in his uncle's eyes._

" _You could have been killed! Or killed one of them!" Luke shouts at him, hand digging into his shoulder. "Then what would I tell your mother?"_

_Ben shakes his head, tears filling his eyes. "I just—we—"_

_Uncle Luke steps back from him. "How did_ you _learn?"_

_Ben peels himself off the wall, heart pounding. "I taught myself."_

" _You taught. Yourself," Uncle Luke states, crossing his arms. "Ben—"_

" _The Force is strong in our family," Ben shoots back._

_Uncle Luke blanches, and it's a few moments before he can speak. "Listen, Ben—you're right about that. And because of that, we all have to face—the Dark Side tempts us all; it's nothing to be—"_

" _I'm not being tempted by the Dark Side!" Ben screams._

_That world melts away, and Ben's a teenager, arguing with Luke._

" _I don't think your mother will be very happy to learn that you've been reading all about the Empire!" shouts Uncle Luke._

" _Me? You have all these scrolls, all these documents from those creepy Church of the Force people. They don't even_ have _the Force!" Ben yells back._

" _Ben, if you don't want to be here, no one's stopping you from leaving! Go be a smuggler. Like your father. Or a politician like your mother, and our mother before her!"_

_The words kick the air out of Ben. He gropes to breathe, scratches for words. "I'm more than that. I have the Force."_

" _So does your mother." Uncle Luke shakes his head. "And if you're to be a Jedi, you need to learn to control yourself. You're not doing so well with that."_

" _Neither are you!" Ben clenches his fists and storms out._

" _Fighting with your uncle again?" jeers Lili, who's been distant since the blaster incident. Ben scowls and stalks away. He tries to holocall his mother._

_She doesn't respond, and Ben throws the thing across the sand as he tries not to cry. His father only visited him once. His mother hasn't visited him in four years, but she at least calls. Sometimes._

You could meet with them. The ones I told you about, _comes an unbidden voice._ I'll send them nearby _._

 _Ben treks over and tries to call again, tears spilling down his cheeks._ I need you, Mother. I need you now. I'm scared. I don't know what to do.

You said you'd always answer.

_She doesn't._

" _If you go," whispers Shen to him a few nights later. "Ask them if I can join, too."_

* * *

" _Get her!"_

_Rey hears the Teedo jargon and realizes what they mean before they grab her. At ten, she's still small enough to be a target. "Oi!" She grabs her staff and tries to defend the haul she's dragging back to Niima Outpost. Another month, and she'll have her speeder working and won't need to make this trek._

_One of the Teedos grabs her by her neck, trying to choke her. Rey falls to the sand. It burns hot against her back, and she's panicking—she can't_ breathe _—and then she kicks it in the groin and wriggles away. One of the Teedos tries to make off with her things, and she grabs it around the neck, trying to yank him around, but he shoves her away._

_The other Teedo gets to its feet, and Rey grabs her staff, whacking it upside the head. It falls._

_Dead._

_She hadn't meant to kill him, but that day Rey learned intent has no impact on grief._

" _I'll make sure they don't bother you again," Unkar growls when she hauls her goods to him, crying because she feels sick._

_When her family comes for her, how can she tell them she killed someone?_

_Rey's older now, but everything else is still the same. Jakku never changes._

" _Useless," Unkar Plutt declares, tossing the simulators Rey scavenged onto the ground._

" _Not worth even one-quarter portion?" Rey tries. She's eleven and starving._

" _Go home," Unkar Plutt orders, and someone pushes her out of line._

_Rey scoops up the simulators she scavenged and stomps towards her speeder, driving back to her AT-AT hideout, the wind tearing sobs from her throat._

_That night, to take her mind off of the hunger that feels like it's dissolving her stomach and her brain, Rey starts to fiddle with the simulator. It takes months, but she gets it to work and practices flying._

* * *

"That wasn't your fault," Ben says instantly, the moment they emerge from their memories. "Not really."

Rey tries to smile. It falters. "What happened to Shen?"

"He did join the Knights of Ren. Along with a few others." Ben bites his lip, eyes falling. "He died a few years ago. Killed by a Resistance member."

Rey thinks back to Finn, leaving because his friend was killed, or so he's said. "What about the other Knights?"

"They work for Snoke. Various missions." Ben shrugs.

"Are you still in contact with them?"

"No."

"Since when?"

"Since I left Snoke." Ben meets her eyes. _Since we joined forces,_ she realizes.

"Thank you for coming," she says, again.

"I'm sorry," he says, again, and this time he doubles over and sobs, hand over his mouth. And she knows he's not just apologizing for what role he's had in ruining her life, but for his father, for Shen, for all of it.

She puts her hand on his shoulder, and he looks up at her, shaking his head. He's confused. He doesn't understand.

Rey does for him what she always wished someone would come along and do for her, those early nights on Jakku when she sobbed and shivered in the nighttime desert cold: she pulls his head against her shoulder. He dwarfs her, and yet she holds him.

"I can't go back," he says, his tone strained and unraveling. _It's too late, he said to Han on the bridge._

"What you seek isn't behind you," Rey says, drawing on Maz Kanata. "It's ahead."

"He'll never come back to life."

"But you saved mine, and Finn's, and Poe's." Rey swallows, feeling their bond, trying to decide whether she should voice it or not. But she's not one to hold back. "Do you miss him?"

Ben pulls back and meets her eyes. "I didn't want to do it."

"But you still did."

He clenches his fists, and a wave of fury pours through him. Rey feels it. Fury at Snoke. Fury at himself. And a glimmer of hope.

And something else.

 _Compassion._ For her.

Not just compassion. Rey can't breathe. Her brow knots. "You—" She can't stop herself from blurting it out, but she can't force herself to complete the question either. Because really there's no question. She can sense it and it's paralyzing her.

And now Ben looks like she's his uncle, catching him, and he's got nowhere to run.

BB-8 bloops.

"I love you," he says.


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kylo hadn't planned on telling her. Not like that. The droid taunts him, and Kylo glares at it.

He looks at Rey with his jaw clenched, as if daring her to deck him or judge him, because he knows she won't believe him. And she doesn't. Except their bond tells her he's not lying, and Rey feels like she's hurtling through space without any pilot at the helm, somersaulting down a void to—to nothing.

_I love you._

She just gapes at him. How can he love her? He's so selfish—he killed his father—if it weren't for him—

Rey needs to get out of here. She scrambles out of her chair, stumbling out of the cockpit. A thud echoes behind her, like Ben slammed his fist into something. BB-8 chirps, shrill in annoyance.

* * *

"I can't believe this is happening," Poe mumbles again, propped up against the bunk.

"We can trust Rey," Finn says. "Albeit not him."

"Mm." Poe's eyes start to drift shut. He jerks back awake.

"You should sleep," Finn tells him. "You did just get shot with a blaster."

"No, I need to be awake in case he pulls something," Poe groans, shifting and wincing.

 _No, you need to sleep._ "Do you want some water?" Finn asks. Hopefully, the moment he leaves, Poe will fall asleep.

"That'd be good. Thanks." Poe smiles at him, and Finn pries his hand away from Poe's.

He heads off to the kitchen and decides to look for some of the rations they have stored. He's hungry, and Rey might be too. Even Kylo. Finn scowls. Poe can eat when he wakes up.

"Finn?" Rey rounds the corner.

"Oh hey," Finn says. "Is Poe asleep?'

"His eyes were shut." Rey clenches her fists and her eyes dart hither and thither. "Are you getting food?"

Finn offers her a strip of dried meat as he tries to cook what look like hotcakes of some kind. Rey takes it and chews.

"Thanks for coming," Finn tells her.

"Were you looking for me? You and Poe?" Rey asks.

He nods. "Speaking of which, I should probably send Luke a message that we found you. Or you found us."

Rey cringes.

"Is there something going on between you and Luke?" Finn quizzes. The pan starts to sizzle.

"He lied to me," Rey states. "Well, he didn't lie. He just didn't tell me. He knows my parents. Or he knows what happened to them—why they left me."

"Did Kylo Ren tell you this?" Finn snorts.

"I can kind of tell when he's lying, Finn," Rey points out. She bites her lip as if she's ashamed of their bond.

"Hey," Finn says, turning to her and putting his hand on her shoulder. "It's okay. You're not—that bond doesn't make you any kind of evil. Nothing like him." He doesn't want her to feel the same guilt he still feels sometimes, when he can't sleep at night.

"There's more to him than you know," Rey tells him. "And there's more to me."

Finn's afraid to ask what she means. "So who is your family?" he asks, because he often wonders about his.

Rey meets his eyes and smiles. "Do you miss yours?"

He nods. "Even though I don't remember them. It drives me crazy—wondering, thinking who they might be, if they think of me, if they even remember me."

"Mine left me. They thought I was dangerous," Rey states bluntly, and Finn's heart seizes. Rey's living his worst fear, the fear he never puts into words but lurks like a shadow in the back of his mind anyways—that he wasn't wanted.

She explains what Kylo told her, about being a Kenobi. Finn recognizes the name.

"I always thought I wanted a name, and now I just—it hasn't fixed anything. It hasn't made me feel any better," Rey admits.

Finn's mind whirls. "Do you think he told you that to manipulate you?"

"Maybe." Rey shrugs. "Also… maybe not. He has some regret, you know. He's left Snoke."

"He killed his father," Finn says. "He killed Han."

"I _know_ , Finn. I just—if he wants—he's not all bad. There's Light in him." Rey gasps.

"What?"

"Finn, it's burning!" And Rey starts to laugh.

Finn jumps, lunging for the pan. "Oh, shit!"

* * *

_I love you._

Kylo hadn't planned on telling her. Not like that. The droid taunts him, and Kylo glares at it.

_She rejected you._

Of course she did. Kylo can't blame her, and he wishes he could.

 _You have no one to blame but yourself,_ comes the thought, soft and stern all at once, an unfamiliar voice at jolts Kylo. It's similar to the voice he sometimes hears when he prays in front of the helmet, but less sinister. More Light.

"Grandfather?" he whispers.

"No, me," interrupts a voice behind him. FN-2187. No, _Finn_. Kylo can only imagine Rey's reaction if he were to call her friend by his stormtrooper number. And anyways, Finn's a person, not a clone. Numbers should only apply to clones.

"Where's Rey?"

"Resting." Finn holds out a plate of food. "And then she can take over piloting."

Kylo nods and takes a slightly charred hotcake. He wrinkles his nose.

"Where are we even headed?" Finn asks, sitting down in the co-pilot's chair. Chewie's chair.

"I don't know. Away from the First Order." Kylo slides his eyes over to Finn. "You know how futile that is."

"And yet you're running too," Finn counters. "You saved a traitor's life. _Traitor_." BB-8 gives Finn a fiery thumbs-up.

 _For real, droid?_ Kylo scowls, shame sticking in his lungs, suffocating him. "Do you have to—"

"I don't know, I think you did a pretty good job rubbing it in. Or like stabbing it in. Burning it in?" Finn cocks his head.

"I—" What the hell can he even say? _I hurt you because I was jealous? Because you had everything—my father's respect, because you left when I wanted to, because you had a purpose again and it was all my fault and if I hadn't let you go, my mother would still be alive? Because Rey cared for you and hated me?_

"Do you know how my mother is?" Kylo asks.

"Leia?" Finn studies Kylo. "No. Rey said we should try to contact—"

"We need to be at least another system away," Kylo interrupts. "If Snoke knows I'm with you—he'll—" He gulps and tightens his fists.

"Okay," Finn says simply. "Uh—you'd feel it, if she died, wouldn't you?"

He nods. Unless he's somehow severed their bond. And considering what he's done… Kylo presses his fists against his mouth. "Has she completely given up on me?"

"What do you think?" Finn asks.

Kylo closes his eyes. _I wish she would._

He'll die if she does.

Finn leans against the control panel and an alarm sounds. "Oh shit!" BB-8 squeaks.

"Calm down." Kylo leans over and switches it off. "You just manually sounded it. Nothing's actually wrong with the _Falcon_."

"Did you grow up on this ship?"

"Kind of." _Yes_. The seat he occupies—the seat his father always sat in—highlights Kylo's guilt. Or _Ben's_ guilt.

"When Rey and I stole in on Jakku," Finn says. "The motivator went. Rey had to fix it."

Kylo snorts. "Truly?"

BB-8 affirms.

"Did that ever happen when you—when you were younger?"

Finn's actually taking acre with his words. He's not rubbing it in, and Kylo wishes he was. He knows how to be angry. "Yes. " He sighs. "I was six and it was the first thing my father taught me how to repair."

"I wish I could fly," Finn comments, staring out into space.

"You can learn," Kylo points out. "Can't you?"

Finn glowers at him. "Maybe."

"Here." Kylo points to different parts of the panel and identifies them. "It's not that complicated."

"Says you," Finn retorts, but his brow furrows in concentration.

"You see that planet out here?" Kylo asks, pointing to a blue-white orb glowing in the distance. He pulls them out of hyperdrive.

Finn squints. "Yeah? Wait, what are you—"

"Drive us away from it."

"Why?"

"No reason. We're just not going there." Kylo gestures to the control panel. "Do it."

"And if I blow us up?"

"I'll stop you before we do three barrel-rolls," Kylo promises. BB-8 shoots out its tethers.

"Thanks for the vote of confidence, droid," grumbles Finn. But he reaches for the controls. The Falcon jerks to the right and Kylo slams back into his seat.

"Hold on," Finn warns, and then he rights the ship. "Did I do it?"

"Put us in hyperdrive," Kylo commands.

"This switch?"

"No! The one next to it!"

Finn grabs it and pulls.

"Good job," Kylo tells him. BB-8 releases the tethers.

Finn yawns.

"You should sleep too," Kylo tells Finn. "I can tell they beat you."

"No thanks," Finn refuses.

Kylo frowns.

"I have nightmares," Finn admits. "Of Hux… those sessions. I hear his voice and his damn father's voice echoing in my mind."

Kylo can't imagine having Hux or Hux's asshole father in his mind. Having Snoke in his mind was—bad enough. Because it _was_ bad, Kylo realizes. Because now he can't please Snoke, he can't serve him, and he's stabbed away his ties to the Light. He will never be Light or Dark. _I will always be torn apart._ "So you know—I never supported that program."

"Didn't you?' Finn points out.

 _I'm sorry._ The words stick in his throat.

* * *

_I love you._

Rey still can't stop replaying it over and over again in her mind. Their bond is quiet, and Rey hopes that maybe Finn can see Ben as someone more than a monster, and Ben can see that Finn can help him, if he'd let him.

_I love you._

Rey leans her head against her hand. The words were so earnest. _Why? Because I'm Force-sensitive? Because I kicked your ass?_

It makes no sense.

A groan jolts Rey from her ruminations. "Poe?"

"Rey," Poe rasps, blinking and struggling to sit up. "Oh no—I fell asleep—"

"It's okay, you needed to rest," Rey reassures him, trotting over.

"But I—how long?"

Rey shrugs. "Doesn't matter." She grabs the cup of water and plate of burned hotcakes and dried meat. "Here's some food Finn made. And water."

"Thanks," Poe mutters, glugging the water down. "Where is Finn?"

"In the cockpit."

"With _him?"_

"I would feel it if something was wrong," Rey insists.

"I shouldn't have gotten shot," Poe grumbles as he bites off a piece of jerky. "Then I could fly us. Or you could—hey, you could!"

"He can't exactly trick me, Poe," Rey points out.

"How did you even learn to fly?" Poe questions. "Living on Jakku…"

"I used a simulator I scavenged," Rey says. "The first time I ever flew—for real—was with this ship, with Finn. When we left with BB-8."

"Are you kidding me?" Poe gapes at her.

Rey shakes her head. "I used to dream about it, though. Every time I watched people coming and going from Jakku, I wanted to—I wondered what it'd be like to actually fly."

Poe nods as he eats. "My parents taught me how to fly, starting when I was like five or six. They fought with the Rebellion, you know."

"I didn't," Rey says.

"Mother died when I was eight." Poe frowns, and his eyes take on an anguished sheen that Rey recognizes all too well. "After that, I'd fly to feel connected to her. Make her proud, and—yeah."

"I know what you mean," Rey muses. "I imagined that maybe my parents were pilots, or smugglers, or—anything that gave them a good reason." Her voice trails off. _And they had no reason, other than that I didn't matter enough to them._

"My parents were close with Luke, and Leia and Han," Poe says.

Rey's eyebrows rise. "Did you know Ben, then?"

"Not really. Whenever Leia met with my parents, Ben wasn't with her." Poe bites his lip. "My parents left doing… dangerous work a few years after the Battle of Endor. They wanted to focus on raising me."

 _So pretty much the opposite of what happened to Ben_ , Rey realizes.

Poe scowls as if he knows what she's thinking. "He killed _his own father."_

"I was _there_ , Poe," Rey snaps. She still tears up thinking about it. The only man who'd ever treated her with an ounce of fatherly affection, gutted by his own child in his moment of hope—hope that his child would come back. It would be like Rey's parents coming for her and gutting her. Nausea wells inside of her, threatening to topple her.

_I love you._

"Are you okay?" Poe asks.

Anger and confusions spar inside of her, lashing to get out. "If you hate me for leaving with him in the first place, you can just say so," Rey says.

Poe's jaw drops. "What? No, Rey, I'm not—you _saved_ us! Why would I hate you?"

"Sorry," Rey mumbles. _But Ben saved you too._

* * *

"I can take over piloting, if you want." Rey stands stiff in the entryway.

She's clearly talking to him. Kylo withdraws. "Keep teaching Finn how to fly," he says.

Rey's jaw drops, and her eyes meet his, hazel and deep, and Kylo wishes he could prove himself to her, prove that he is worth her love… except that, somewhere, deep down, he knows he's not.

It's that damn Light, always showing him the truth, and he hates it.

Kylo stalks back and freezes when he sees Poe fiddling with the Dejarik board.

_Comfortable?_

_Not really._

Poe glares at him, and Kylo realizes that the humiliation and pain still rubs Poe raw. He remembers the first time Snoke tore through his mind, all those other times when he left Kylo's skull aching and his most private thoughts, his fears, his worry about his parents after leaving Tatooine, were suddenly no longer private.

 _Knowing this helps me know how to train you,_ Snoke would say.

_It was all a lie, wasn't it?_

Kylo glances over his shoulder and thinks about Finn. How can he rebuild his life, when he realized the entire thing was based on a lie? And even that's more acceptable than Kylo, who chose the lie.

Poe's hand twitches towards his blaster.

"I'm sorry," Kylo blurts out.

" _What?"_ Poe's jaw drops.

He doesn't want to repeat it. He won't. Poe heard him. Kylo stares at Poe, and Poe can only shake his head.

"Why now?" Poe asks.

_Because I murdered my father._

"Oh," Poe says, realizing it without Kylo's needing to voice it. This is why he always wore a mask—his emotions are visible on his face. There never was a need for Snoke to tear apart his mind, other than that Snoke wanted to.

"Are you—coming back with us?" Poe ventures.

"To Coruscant?" Kylo snorts. "No."

"Your mother—"

"I can't see her. She won't want to see me." The second sentence is an excuse, something he couldn't face if it were true, something he needs to be true.

Poe scowls. "She might. You know she asked your father to try and bring you home."

Kylo recoils.

"I found her crying about it," Poe adds. "A few weeks afterwards. She's an amazing, badass woman, your mother. Just like I imagine my mother would be, if I were lucky enough to have her still alive."

Poe's words slam into their target, twisting and burning. Kylo shakes his head.

"Well?"

"Finn likes you a lot," Kylo says, changing the subject, because he just remembered that he doesn't even know what his mother's face looks like anymore. Is it as lined as Han Solo's? How does she wear her hair?

Poe snorts. "I like _him_." He runs a hand through his hair, leaning forward.

"Hey," Finn says, bursting into the room with Rey on his heels. BB-8 rolls behind them.

"What's wrong?" Poe demands.

"Nothing," Rey puts in. "We were just—we were thinking—or Finn was thinking that he wants to contact the base. On Coruscant."

"And we're not sure what to tell them," Finn finishes, dropping onto the bunk next to Poe and taking his hand. Poe smiles at him.

What would it be like, to be that at ease, that comfortable in your love for someone? Kylo wonders.

"Are you coming to Coruscant?" Rey asks Kylo.

Poe laughs. Kylo shakes his head, face flushing. "I can't." But she'll go. She'll go, again. _Safe for now,_ he reminds himself.

"I don't know yet whether I'm going," Rey says finally.

Kylo's heart leaps.

"So maybe tell them that you escaped, but not how? At least not until you get back, and Leia's better," Rey says.

BB-8 mutters a few choice phrases, like _coward_. Not at Rey.

"Even if I wanted to go," Kylo says sharply, glaring at the droid. "I couldn't. They'd throw me in prison—execute me—don't pretend that the Resistance is some moral high ground, neither of you—you can't! They're not."

"You could maybe work on changing yourself," Finn snaps.

"How?" Kylo demands.

"His personality's not going to change," Rey interjects, folding her arms. She might as well have punched Kylo in the chest. "You _can_ change how you apply that, though, Ben," she adds.

 _Who's teaching whom here?_ Kylo wonders as the connection between them glows. He takes a step towards her.

Something slams into the ship, sending Finn toppling to the ground. Rey grasps part of the wall to stay upright.

"Someone's shooting at us!"


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "I'm the better pilot!"
> 
> "I grew up on this ship!"
> 
> "Were you even willing to acknowledge that a month ago?"
> 
> "Shut up!" Rey bellows. 
> 
> Poe, Kylo, Finn, and Rey race to escape.

"Come on!" Rey dashes back towards the cockpit, Finn and Ben and Poe all charging behind her.

"I'm the better pilot!"

"I grew up on this ship!"

"Were you even willing to acknowledge that a month ago?"

"Shut up!" Rey bellows at both Poe and Ben. "Finn—gunner position!"

BB-8 slings out its tethers, shrieking as a green shot flashes in front of the _Falcon_.

"It's the First Order," Ben states.

"Well, damn, that's a real shock," Poe snarls.

"If they catch us, we all die!" Ben shouts.

" _I'm more than a little fucking aware!"_

"I will Force-choke you both if you don't shut up now!" Rey yells.

 _I'll sting,_ offers BB-8, currently hanging by its tethers.

"See? Even the droid agrees," Rey says as she puts on the headset. "Finn?"

"I got one! A TIE fighter," Finn clarifies.

"Good job!" Poe hollers, putting on the other headset. "He's _my_ boyfriend," he snips to Ben.

Rey could slap them. She could spit at them. "There's no point in arguing if we're all about to die!"

"We're not," Poe declares.

"I need you to dive!" Finn shouts.

"Done!" Rey switches the gears, heart slamming in her chest, pulse in her throat, her wrists, her temples. Blood surges as she, Poe, and Ben all try to evade the series of TIE fighters swooping at them. A huge starship appears in the distance, according to their radar.

"Shit," Ben breathes.

"Any advice?" Poe grunts as he yanks the Falcon around so Finn can take out two TIE fighters.

"If we keep succeeding, they'll use cannons—that's how we took you down over Jakku—"

"Oh, great," Poe complains.

"We're near a planet," Rey cries. "If—"

"Go low," Ben advises, locking eyes with her. In his, she sees determination solidifying. He does not want to die. Not like this.

"Confuses their tracking!" Finn echoes in the headset. "Remember, Rey?"

"Yep!" They direct the Falcon towards this planet. The ship jerks.

"We're hit!" Rey yelps.

"Just grazed on the side—we can repair it easily enough," Ben pants.

"Come on!" Poe grits his teeth. The _Falcon_ plunges towards the surface of the planet, leaving the stars behind as it tear through clouds and fog. An emerald ocean greets them, and Poe narrowly pulls up to avoid the waves. Two TIE fighters don't make it.

"Yeah!" Finn whoops.

"Towards land! That way!" Ben shouts.

"I see it!" Poe and Rey work together, directly the ship towards the rocks shores, staying low.

"Come on, come on," Rey murmurs.

"We need some coverage!" Poe grunts.

"I think you'll get some if you head over there," Ben directs. "Towards the mountains."

"Doesn't this planet have forests?" Poe complains. All Rey sees are shrubs—green, and red soil and bronze rocks, but no tall trees. It's still a far cry from Jakku.

"Not all planets do!" Rey retorts.

"Yes!" Finn yells. "Three more!"

"Go around that mountain," Ben orders. "There's a cliff—see it?"

"Finn?" Rey asks.

"I got it!" A few seconds later, and Finn cheers. Sweat slides cool down Rey's back.

Poe and Rey glide the _Falcon_ to a halt under a looming cliff.

"We did it," Rey whispers. "We did it!" She throws her arms around Poe, around Ben. BB-8 releases itself as Finn bounds up towards them.

"Hey, you didn't turn us in," Poe says to Ben, who almost smiles.

"Now what?" Finn wonders.

"They'll send ground troops, won't they?" Rey asks.

"Um, I'm thinking maybe not," Poe says suddenly, peering out the cockpit windows. An entire fleet of ships flies towards the sky, evidently determined to take on the intruders.

"They can't defeat an entire Star Destroyer," Rey says.

"They may make it not worth it, at least just yet," Finn observes.

"Who _are_ they?" Rey wonders.

Ben leans forward, squinting at the ragtag group of ships. "Pirates."

* * *

"I hope your idea works," Poe grouses as they climb down the mountain. Rey skids on a loose rock, and Ben's arm shoots out to catch her.

"Thanks," she pants, testing their connection. He still loves her.

"They're clearly not friendly to intruders," Finn gasps, staring up at the sky, quieting at last from battle. No First Order vehicles appear to have landed. "They might—"

"Ben's not going to advertise himself," Rey interjects, glancing at him.

"Obviously not," he affirms. "They might be willing to help us escape. Distract the First Order or something."

"Yeah, but I'm still missing the part where we have anything to offer them," Poe says.

"You'd be surprised at the things you can plunder from the First Order," Ben remarks, stumbling in some brush.

"If it's anything like what you can find on the Star Destroyers from the Galactic Empire, I'd say we've got a fair chance of convincing them," Rey agrees. "I can even tell them where to find the most valuable parts. And how to shut down that whole vessel."

"Wow," Finn says, Poe clutching his arm. The clouds brew above them. BB-8 bleeps from far below, having skidded down ahead of them.

"I'm used to dealing with pirates," Ben says, his hair windswept and his bangs plastered to his forehead. "Or, I was. Let me do the talking, okay?"

"As long as we get to be there," Poe counters.

"Obviously," Rey pants. Her legs are going to be killing her come morning.

"Where do we even go look for someone who can help us? Do pirates have leaders?" Finn queries.

"Probably. This planet seems to be some kind of gathering place," Ben answers. "And I'd bet they have some kind of… not quite leader, but someone who can rally them. For all their various causes and motivations." He rolls his eyes.

"Some information you picked up from your daddy?" Poe goads.

"Poe, cut it out, man," Finn warns as Ben's eyes narrow. Rey feels his anger simmering, but it's less directed at Poe than it is at himself. He looks at Rey, and she sees something else coloring his face, no matter how his mussed hair tries to hide it. He's ashamed.

 _You're not a monster,_ Rey thinks, concentrating on their bond, and his eyes meet hers, alight with shock.

_He heard me._

_How?_

Thunder cracks above them, and Rey feels the first few raindrops splat against her face. She grins. Rain is still something that makes her want to sing. When she was on Jakku, there was one storm a few months before Finn and BB-8 showed up, and a flower grew. Rey took it inside her AT-AT home, determined to try and keep it alive for as long as she could.

Not all worlds are so cruel. Some are generous. Like this one. Rain slides down Rey's back as Finn covers his head with the jacket. "Really, Finn?"

"Really, _Rey?"_ he counters.

She shakes her head and laughs. Poe's smirking, and Ben's grimacing, but his eyes, when they look at her, they're sparkling. Rey's heart lurches.

_Can you hear this?_

Nothing. Not even a twitch of his lips. Disappointment settles on her shoulders.

* * *

"See?" Finn digs at Rey as they enter a cantina-like place, all shivering. "Rain means cold."

Rey scowls. "It's still fun."

"You need more fun, then," Poe proclaims. He looks to Ben. "Who're we looking for?"

Ben scours the cast of characters. "Someone important looking."

A group of deep violet aliens eye Rey in a way Finn doesn't appreciate. He steps in front of her and glares at them. Rey glares at him. "Yeah, yeah, you can take care of yourself."

"I _can,"_ Rey insists as Kylo affirms: "She can."

Poe's eyebrows shoot up.

"If you're looking for the owner of this place," groans an ivory creature with a head like a split rock. "You'll have to wait until tomorrow. He's… occupied."

"We have a proposition for him," Poe tells the creature. "We know how to get aboard that Star Destroyer."

"Wait a moment." The creature waddles away and returns. "A few hours, and he'll be with you."

"Great," mutters Finn. "What are we supposed to do in the meantime?"

"Not get caught," Rey states.

"Thanks for that new piece of information; that's a great idea," Finn quips.

"Let's just… hang out," Poe says, BB-8 sticking close behind his legs as he marches over to an empty sofa that looks as if more than a few unwashed bodies have rubbed themselves all over it.

Finn rolls his eyes. They all troop over and sit down, looking as stiff and conspicuous as they possibly can.

"Uh, I don't think this is working," Rey hisses as several humans pass them, eying them curiously.

"Well—" Finn starts just as an enormous alien with tusks stomps over, leering down at them.

"What do you want?" Kylo says coldly.

"Where are you all from?"

"What does it matter?" Poe retorts.

"It matters, because there were First Order—"

"We're not a part of that," Poe snaps.

"Not stormtroopers?"

Finn's stomach churns. Poe reaches out and takes Finn's hand, squeezing. _Keep your face blank,_ Finn tells himself.

"Do we look like stormtroopers to you?" Poe asks, waving his hand.

"Hard to tell. They're always in masks." The creature laughs, a deep sound that rolls through the cantina. Finn forces himself to join in.

"You," the creature says, focusing on Poe. "Pretty boy."

Poe's face flushes, and he bites his lip.

"Let's talk." The creature saunters away.

"Fine." Finn rises.

"Not you. Just him." The music picks up, a chaotic beat, as the creature meanders away.

Poe gives Finn a nod before slipping around the corner with the beast.

"I don't like this," Kylo declares.

"You think I do?" Finn glares at him. "BB-8, stay with them," he orders as he starts after Poe.

The beats of the music encase Finn, pounding against his head as he rounds the corner. No one. Well, lots of people, but not Poe.

"Excuse me," Finn asks a red alien, who bears a striking resemblance to Admiral, looks at him like he's filth. "You happen to see a man with a white, tusked thing?"

The alien jerks his thumb over his shoulder, beckoning down another corridor. Finn swallows as he proceeds, chills skipping up his spine. "Poe?"

"So who gave you this wound?" growls the creature, and Finn can see that he's got Poe pinned to a wall in a small chamber draped in dark blue cloth.

"The First Order—we're here to try and—"

"Where are you really from?" The creature presses his fist against Poe's wound. Poe gasps.

 _Oh, hell no_. Finn yanks his blaster out of his waistband and aims it. "Let him go."

"Finn—" Poe starts.

"You think you can take me?" snarls the creature, shoving Poe away.

"Yeah," Finn says, mustering bravado he doesn't feel. "I think I can."

"He isn't worth it," yelps a small creature with a drooping beak. "Not worth it. We don't even know if this is the one they're looking for."

The creature glowers at Finn, not breaking his gaze. Finn wishes he hadn't told BB-8 to stay. And that Rey and even Kylo would come out.

"Fine," grumbles the creature. "You're right." He storms away.

"Poe!" Finn darts towards his friend. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah," Poe breathes as Finn helps him to his feet, then back on a strange sofa in deep red. Parts of it are torn, revealing a dull brown stuffing.

"What did they _want?"_

Poe shakes his head. "They seemed to think I was someone else."

"Who?"

"I don't know. They were asking about—"

"The First Order?"

"No. Someone named King Prana. I have no idea who that is. Like, I've heard the name, but I can't even remember where." Poe shrugs.

"But you're okay," Finn says, clutching the back of Poe's damp head in his hand. _King Prana... rathtars._ He shudders.

"Yeah," Poe confirms, looking deep into Finn's eyes. "Thanks for coming for me."

"Why did you go off alone with them?" Finn wonders as Poe covers his mouth. For a few moments Finn forgets his questions, focusing solely on the way Poe's mouth caresses his own, the feel of Poe's fingers on his scalp.

"Well, I have dealt with pirates before," Poe pants as he pulls back. "Smugglers and the like. I figured I might be able to—I don't even know." He sinks back into Finn's lips. "How much time do we have?"

"They said a few hours," Finn reminds him, his own fingers roving through Poe's hair.

"Yeah, but Rey might start to worry—and he might do something stupid," Poe murmurs, hands roving down Finn's back, pulling him closer. "Oh, _fuck_."

"What?" Finn frowns and pulls away.

"We can't really leave them alone," Poe declares, before kissing Finn deeper. His fingers tug at Finn's jacket.

"I know," Finn agrees. He's always done the responsible thing. The right thing. And he's not breaking that now, because he knows somehow that Rey and Kylo are fine.

BB-8 whirls around the corner. Finn gasps and pulls away.

"We had a small incident. We're okay," Poe tells the droid, rising.

The droid says something that makes Poe scowl. "BB-8!"

BB-8 dances back and forth.

"Tell Rey and that man we'll be out in... a few," Poe decides.

BB-8 squeals and rolls away.

"A few?" Finn questions.

"Yeah." Poe kisses him again, and something ignites in Finn's stomach, shooting through all his nerve endings.

"You okay?" Poe murmurs.

"Yeah." And it's like Finn's caught in a whirlwind, but he doesn't want to escape. Not yet. His hands run under Poe's shirt, over Poe's skin, careful to avoid his blaster wound.

"Do you want to do this?" Poe asks.

"Yes," Finn affirms, studying Poe's eyes, which are beaded with apprehension and excitement and which focus solely on Finn.

 _Do I really mean that much to him?_ Finn wonders. It's terrifying and exhilarating, to realize that Poe means this much to him, that Poe's a part of his world, that he wouldn't be the same without him, and he almost lost him. Finn's fingers stroke Poe's ribs, near where the blaster shot wounded him.

" _Finn_." Poe leans his forehead against him.

 _I love you,_ Finn thinks.

"Can you be on top?" Poe asks, face tinged with pink.

"Yeah," Finn says. "Although—I'm new to this, Poe." _What if—_

"That's okay," Poe insists, and Finn realizes that all that matters to Poe is that he's doing it with Finn, not how good Finn is at it because he has to know that Finn has no experience.

"Let me know if your side starts to hurt," Finn says as Poe kisses him in the nape of his neck, drawing Finn into a flood of fire and light.

They don't bother to take off all their clothes—there's not quite enough time for that. Both of them fumble at times, but Finn holds onto Poe, and Poe holds onto him, and they work together and Finn remembers that he used to be a stormtrooper, but it doesn't matter, and it's never mattered to Poe, the man who saw him as _Finn_ from the moment he met him before he even thought of the name, who saw through Finn's ruses and asked for honesty.

As they finish, gasping, Poe puts one hand on Finn's chest, and even though his shirt, Finn can feel the warmth of Poe's life and Poe can feel his heart.

* * *

"What is taking so long," Rey grumbles.

BB-8 bleeps something suggestive. Kylo snorts.

"Shh," Rey scolds the droid.

Kylo buries his face in his hands. He's been waiting for Rey to bring it up again. Tell him that she doesn't love him. Tell him to go to hell.

She hasn't said a thing. And the fact that they exchanged a thought—Kylo still doesn't know quite what to make of that. Their bond's strength's increased, evidently, but how? Have they been practicing unconsciously? By feeling it out, do they increase its strength?

In these moments, Kylo realizes just how much he still has to learn. But not from Snoke. Or Luke.

And that brings up the other decision throbbing in his mind. What to _do_. Where to go.

"Oh no," Rey says suddenly, her hazel eyes widening to the point where Kylo can see the white surrounding her irises.

"What?"

"That orange woman—on the other side—I think I—"

 _Orange?_ Kylo whirls around, and the greasy food he bought for Rey that she cajoled him into trying leaps up his throat. "Maz Kanata."

"Yeah. You blew up her palace?" Rey reminds him.

The first time Kylo saw Maz, he was a child and he heard his father striking some sort of bargain. He'd burst into the room, demanding to know what was going on. Everyone laughed, and Han was furious. Maz, though—she looked at Kylo and told him he was destined for greatness.

Well, not quite. What she said was that the Force flowed more powerfully through his veins than any she'd ever seen, save for Anakin Skywalker, and Leia and Luke. Father ranted that night to Mother that he was afraid, afraid for Ben.

_Look how old you've become._

_Something far worse has happened to you._

_Look how far I've fallen._ "If she sees—"

Rey understands, but still she grasps for possibilities. "She'll help—"

"Yeah, but I can't—she can't see me—and if you go back, if they know you've been with me—"

"She's coming towards us!" Rey squeaks.

Kylo jerks his head towards the ground, blood roaring in his ears. BB-8 rushes off, presumably to find Poe and Finn. Tha _nks, little traitor._

Rey yanks the buns out of her damp hair.

"Oh, like that's really going to—"

"It can't hurt!" She swings her hair to cover her face, but it won't be enough. They both know it.

Rey meets his eyes, biting her lip, hesitating. And then she leans forward and grabs his face, pushing him back against the seat and planting her lips against his, almost completely straddling him.

And Kylo melts into it completely, kissing her back because even though he knows it's fake, it's as close to real as he might ever get. She tastes like fried food, and sweetness. Her nose bumps his and her damp hair swings into his eyes. Her hip presses into his side, right where his bowcaster scar is.

"I think she's gone," Rey manages to say as she pulls away, peering around. With a sigh, she pries herself off of him.

Kylo gapes at her. She won't look at him, but Kylo reaches for their bond.

Shock. And… no revulsion. Confusion.

She liked it.

"Don't look at me like that," Rey snaps, her face growing red.

"Sorry," he mumbles, but he tosses her a smirk anyways. Rey's jaw drops.

"Hey!" Finn appears with Poe in tow, both looks sweaty and— _oh for heaven's sake, what is it about this place?_

At least BB-8 didn't witness anything. That's one thing to be grateful for. If his hours in the cockpit with the droid taught Kylo anything, it's the BB-8 would love another reason to torment him. BB-8 reminds Kylo of R2-D2, his friend when he was on Tatooine.

"We need to get out of here," Rey says.

"Yeah, well, we can't until we talk to the head honcho," grumbles Poe.

"Excuse me," interrupts a woman with long, flowing golden tresses. "This way."

* * *

"What is it, Chewie?" Luke asks wearily. If he has to call Leia again and tell her they have no news… he doesn't know how he'll handle that.

_Am I doomed to be a failure forever?_

Luke closes his eyes and remembers the night he came back to find the temple burning, smoke spilling through the air, rain droplets pelting him and smoke taunting him and the flames of his failure leaping higher, higher still, even though the rain should have put them out.

And worse was the realization that he knew, he know, who had done it.

Someone he loved took his life away from him without stealing his breath, left without killing him, because Ben was afraid or ordered not to, Luke didn't know. Still doesn't know.

Chewie snarls and grabs his shoulder, shaking him out of his stupor. _Listen!_

Luke fumbles to call Leia.

"Tell me some good news," she greets him. Clearly she's feeling better, and that's even more good news for Luke, whose heart starts to pick up pace, spurred by that familiar companion he thought deserted him on Tatooine, but he's start to realize may have been silently with him all along.

"The Falcon's been spotted. Unless the First Order stole it, I think Finn and Poe might have escaped. And we can find them."


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "So you are Han Solo's son."

"Oh no," says Rey the moment they step inside the room and the door clicks shut behind them. Blasters surround all of them, and as Ben's hand twitches towards his lightsaber, the woman who escorted them pulls out one and aims it straight at Rey's skull.

"Don't even try," she says icily.

"I told you," says the tusked creature, smug.

"So," says Bala-Tik, still alive by some anti-miracle. "You're flying the _Millennium Falcon_. Care to explain where you got it, fugitives?"

"We're not fugitives," Finn stammers. "Not anymore."

"I recognize you, though. Don't they look familiar?" Bala-Tik glances over his shoulder at the two surviving members of Kanjiklub, who nod. Rey glances at Ben, horrified. And she feels him searching their bond, and Rey pushes the memory of the rathtars and Han Solo towards him. She doesn't know how, but she does it, and Ben's eyes widen.

_We're screwed._

"In fact," continues Bala-Tik. "You two were the last people we saw with Han Solo."

"Yes, and he's dead," Rey states, forcing coldness into her voice.

"Yes, but last we heard, the Falcon was back with the Resistance," counters Bala-Tik. "And you," he adds, looking straight at Ben. "Rumor has it that a high-level member of the First Order deserted."

"He wouldn't know anything about that," Poe insists.

 _Great job, Poe,_ Rey thinks sourly.

"Han Solo's _son_ ," adds Bala-Tik.

Ben's fists tighten.

"Han Solo is not his father," Poe snaps.

"We've already established that you're a liar, so shut up," Bala-Tik orders, studying Ben. "You do look like him. Darker hair, though, and that scar."

Ben's hand shoots out as the blasters aim. He freezes, looking to Rey, because if he uses the Force, they're all dead. Or some of them will be. Likely her, because she's quite certain several of them caught the kissing scene down below, even if it meant nothing.

Ben drops his hand. Defeat crushes his features. His shoulders slump, his jaw tightens, but his fists relax. His head hangs.

The two Kanjiklub members leap at him, twisting his arms behind his back and forcing him to his knees. Hands grab at her, rough and calloused, shoving Rey to the floor. She screams and sends one of them flying. A palm strikes her face in retribution. Her shoulders feel like they're being yanked out of their sockets as twine cuts into her wrists.

Someone grabs her by the hair and pulls her head up. Rey gasps as tears sting her eyes, but she won't cry. Not in front of them. She glares and hates them.

"King Prana wasn't very happy his rathtars weren't delivered," Bala-Tik informs them.

Ben shakes his head as if he can't believe his father smuggled rathtars. Blood leaks from the corner of Finn's lips, and Poe's gasping in pain.

"Since Han Solo's not around anymore," Bala-Tik says. "I think you four will do in that piece of shit's place."

Ben flinches, and panic rolls through Rey. _Please don't do anything stupid, please don't do anything stupid._

"Get them on board," orders Bala-Tik.

"But the First Order?"

"We'll have no problem evading them," he states.

* * *

Chewie roars when they spot the _Falcon_ flying on their radar, flying near the planet still engaged in a battle with a First Order Star Destroyer. The _Falcon_ hurtles away, and Luke directs the quadjumper after it. R2 bleeps in excitement.

 _Finn, Poe, it's me_ , he wants to say, but there's no way. Maybe if he doesn't shoot at them, they'll realize it.

 _Or maybe not._ Luke grits his teeth and sighs. But he won't fail. He's done failing his sister.

He remembers when Leia dropped Ben off, when she told Han to spend some time walking around with Ben and pulled Luke aside, confiding in him that she was worried about the boy, worried he could become like their father.

" _He died a good man," Luke insists. "Saving me." He glances over at his nephew, sitting against one of the sand dunes and leaning against his father. The sun sets ahead of them, and Han's face is creased with pain._

" _That's not the point!" Leia hisses. "I'm_ worried _, Luke."_

" _I'll look after him," Luke assures her. "Lor San Tekka and I have found lots of old Jedi artifacts, and Jedi lore and wisdom from centuries and centuries ago. That will guide me. I won't let Ben fall." Luke will not let the Dark Side consume his nephew, the boy who listens to the stories of his galactic travels and Jedi history._

And Luke failed miserably. It wasn't an overnight change, either.

 _How could I not have seen?_ The question's throbbed in his mind for six years.

The _Falcon_ slows, as if aware he's following it, as if they wants him to follow. Chewie grunts in confusion.

 _What if it's a trap?_ R2 beeps.

"Shush, you," Luke says, smiling at the droid.

The _Falcon_ dives towards a new planet, and Luke's heart leaps into his throat. Have they realized it's him? Poe might be familiar with the quadjumpers…

The planet's atmosphere is saturated with smoke and ash, spewing from the lips of several fuming volcanoes. Luke wrinkles his nose.

And yet the quadjumper informs him the air is completely breathable. _Okay then._

Luke leaps out, followed by Chewie and R2. He blinks, turning in the haze, expecting to see Finn or Poe.

Instead, he sees a tiny orange creature.

"Maz Kanata!" Luke bursts out.

"Luke Skywalker," she returns. "I knew it was you. At last." She beckons to two Rodians behind her. "Take his quadjumper."

"What?" Luke yelps. "Maz—"

"Let's not pretend you'd want that piece of junk instead of the _Falcon_ ," Maz tells him, coughing. "And let's get back on board. We have places to be."

Luke looks at Chewie, who shrugs.

"Chewbacca," Maz greets the Wookiee, heading over and embracing Chewie, her tiny arms wrapping around his legs.

 _Where are Finn and Poe?_ R2 bleeps indignantly.

"That I don't know," Maz says. "But I can venture a guess as to where they're going."

"What is going on?" Luke demands. "Maz—"

"They've been captured by smugglers working for King Prana," Maz explains as the ramp groans shut behind them.

"King Prana?" Luke gapes. "What—how—"

"I stole this ship from the First Order," Maz adds. "Stormtroopers wanted to take it. I wouldn't let them."

"But why?" Luke bursts. "I don't understand!" How is he going to explain _this_ to Leia?

"Rey's with them," Maz says.

Chewie howls.

"Rey," Luke breathes. Hope spurts in his chest. Soaking him and sending shivers through him. _Oh, please. Please._

"And your nephew," Maz adds.

"What?"

"I saw them together in the cantina," Maz says. "They didn't want me to see them, clearly. They were kissing."

Chewie lets out a shrill cry, and R2 shrieks. Luke's jaw drops. _"What?"_

_Rey and Ben?_

"They have a Force bond," Luke says weakly. "But—" He doesn't know what to think. He doesn't know what to feel. He doesn't know what to hope for, or whether he should hope or fear. Is Ben turning back to the Light? Is Ben seducing Rey to the Dark Side? Is Luke himself a terrible Jedi, for being afraid?

"Indeed?" Maz raises her eyebrows. "Hmph. That's interesting."

"But Maz—what—why—"

"No one can explain that except Ben and Rey, and then quite possibly they won't be able to either." Maz frowns and leans against the bench. "It is entirely possible they were merely attempting to disguise their faces, as well."

"Oh." Luke doesn't know what to feel. Relief, anxiety, despair—they all tumble through him, and he doubles over.

"Sit down, child," Maz says softly, padding over and taking his arm.

"I'm not a child anymore, Maz."

"Compared to my thousand years, you are," she tells him, a smirk on her lips as she eases him onto the bunk.

"I failed, Maz," Luke confesses. "I failed Ben. I failed Rey. I failed _Han_."

"Not yet you haven't. Not for any of those three. You can redeem it."

" _How?"_

Maz lifts her glasses off of her eyes. "I'm going to help you," she says. "We're going to get them back from King Prana."

Chewie moans. _What does he even want with them?_

"As if you don't know," Maz scoffs.

R2 bleeps accusingly, turning to Chewie.

"Han," Luke groans, dropping his head.

"Han," Maz confirmed. "He swindled both gangs—the Guavian Death Gang, and Kanjiklub. And in the end, there was a bit of a showdown with some rathtars—you can explain," she invites Chewie, who reluctantly mumbles the story of Han, Chewie, Rey, and Finn's desperate escape from the rampaging rathtars.

"They recognized Rey and Finn," Luke says.

"Indeed." Maz sighs. "And unfortunately, rumors have circulated as late that Kylo Ren has deserted the First Order."

"So he is turning back to the Light," Luke gasps.

"He's still lost," Maz says. "And as for where he is now—they undoubtably recognized him as Han Solo's son."

"They'll kill him."

 _Good,_ Chewie grumbles.

A boy paying for his father's mistakes. _It will never end,_ Luke thinks. _Never._ At least, it never has for him.

"Not if we find them first," Maz says. "I am sorry, Luke. I should have confronted Rey and Ben when I saw them, but I planned to contact Leia first. And then I heard that Bala-Tik and his minions had taken them, along with two others."

"Finn and Poe," Luke supplies.

"Yes."

"Let's head to King Prana's," Luke declares, blood surging through his veins.

* * *

" _Mother, I don't want to go."_

" _It's for the best," she tries to encourage her son, looking up at her with shining, terrified eyes. She fights her own tears, the ones that threaten to choke her. "You'll become a Jedi like your uncle Luke."_

" _I don't want to become a Jedi!" Ben cries, slamming his fist into his own thigh._

" _Stop it!" Leia lunges at him, catching his fists in her hands. He struggles against her, looking less like a ten year old and more like a three year old, frantic and about to melt down into a tantrum. "Ben, stop it!"_

" _Don't send me away!" he begs._

" _I don't want to," Leia confesses. "But Ben," she says as she strokes his wavy hair back from his tear-streaked face. "You'll become a Jedi, and—"_

" _I don't want to be a Jedi!" he shouts again, jerking away from her touch._

" _So you want to become a Sith?" Leia snorts, rolling her eyes even as fear drags its nails down her heart._

" _No! I want—I want to stay with you! I'll stop using the Force so I won't worry Father anymore. I_ promise _."_

I want you too, baby! _But more than wanting her son close to her, Leia wants to protect him from Snoke, wants to save him from that monster's influence. "Ben, sweetheart, that's not what your father wants. He wants you to use the Force for good, for the Light, like your uncle Luke—"_

" _He doesn't! I heard him arguing with you! You're a liar," Ben snarls, yanking away from Leia and running, running away from her._

_She should go after him, but Leia opts to let him cool down._

Leia gasps as she wakes up, her chest feeling like it's being split in two, cracked at the sternum.

_We lost our son. Forever._

_No._ Even now, Leia tells herself it's a lie. She found Luke. Ben can come back.

_I want him back._

_Wherever you are, baby_ , Leia thinks. _Please know that I want you back._

Snoke had introduced himself to Lor San Tekka, to Luke, to Leia as a kindly, wise creature. Rumors began spouting when Ben was only four, though—rumors of the Dark Side, of murders and callous cruelties. Of a group known as the Knights of Ren, and Snoke's involvement.

It was too late by the time Snoke vanished into the Dark Side. Too late to sever his ties with Ben.

He fell.

 _Please emulate my father,_ Leia thinks for the first time in her life. _Please climb back._

_Father, if you're around, help him. If you're not anymore… if you're with the Force… I'm sorry. I'm sorry I hated you. I wish—I wish…_

* * *

"Some knight," mutters Bala-Tik as he reaches down to haul Kylo away from the tiny closet he's trapped in with Finn, Poe, and Rey, all of them bound at the ankles and wrists. BB-8 squeaks in terror.

"Where are you taking him?" Rey demands.

"What does it matter, girl?" the man sneers. "And I'd watch your tongue or you might find it cut out. If you're lucky, you'll be one of Prana's sluts in no time."

"Shut up!" Finn shouts as Rey spits at the man. And Kylo? He Force-pushes Bala-Tik into the wall.

Bala-Tik whips out a blaster and cocks it at Rey. The two men from Kanjikub rise, aiming their own blasters at Finn and Poe. "Try that again," Bala-Tik challenges.

Kylo drops his head to his chest, humiliation crawling over him. Snoke would be furious. Weakness. Sentiment. Compassion. Love.

He loves Rey, and he can't risk her.

_It's weakening you._

_Or it's strengthening you,_ he thinks as he sees Rey looking at him, her eyes begging him to cooperate, and some of the sting of his shame slips away.

"Come on," grunts Bala-Tik, grabbing Kylo by his shoulder and forcing him down in front of a holocall contraption. "Here he is, King," crows Bala-Tik. "Han Solo's son." He wrenches Kylo's head back by his hair, so that this king can see his face. Kylo glares at the screen.

"Are you indeed his son?" questions the king. "It's hard to tell, with that scar."

"He is," insists Bala-Tik. "You can tell. He's got the same face—a little of his mother in him too."

"Heard that princess used to be attractive before she became a general," snorts one of the other men.

"Shut up!" Kylo lashes out.

"So you are indeed Han Solo's son," muses the king.

Kylo glances back at the screen. _Oh, shit_.

 _You killed him. Doesn't that make you not his son? Not anymore?_ Not that that will help him here.

But Kylo remembers his father's fingers, stroking his face. As if he actually still loved Ben, as if he thought Kylo worthwhile, as if his death wasn't the worst thing to happen to him, because his son was there and he _loved_ him.

 _I'm his son,_ Kylo thinks as Bala-Tik shoves him back into the closet. _I'm his son._

"Ironic," Kylo can't help saying. "My choices killed him. Now his choices are killing me."

Rey scowls, and Kylo wants to say he didn't mean it like that but then her eyes soften and he knows she's exploring their bond. His eyes sting and he blinks, but it's not enough. Tears stream from his eyes, and as he buries his face into his knees, he can feel Rey's pity throbbing.

Not just pity. _Compassion_.

He feels her shoulder brush against him, and Kylo cracks his eyes open, lifts his head to see her peering at him with tears in her own eyes, unshed and glistening.

_I don't deserve it._

Kylo Ren's craved her compassion, and now that he has it, it threatens to crush him, remake him, and he's afraid. He's so afraid.

_Your son is gone. He was weak and foolish, so I destroyed him!_

_No. My son is alive._

Kylo sobs, unable to staunch the flood.

_Will you help me?_

_Yes. Anything._

_I want you to help me now_ , Kylo pleads. And you can't, because of me. _It's all because of me. The Supreme Leader wasn't wise. Neither were you, but you were_ good.

_I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry._

"Kylo?" ventures Finn.

"I killed him," Kylo choked out. "I just—I just wanted him to save me. Because he came to save you… and I killed him. I'm a monster." Snoke is, too.

But he made that choice to ignite the lightsaber, drive it into his father's chest. And even as he did it, he knew it hadn't worked, couldn't believe he'd done it, knew he was doomed. And he wanted his father away from him, so he wouldn't have to look at Han's face marred with horror, at the red light protruding from his back. So he wouldn't have to feel Han's fingers stroking him, like he did when Ben was four and crying after a nightmare. So he wouldn't confirm that he was wrong.

And then he shoved Han away, let him fall, and realized instantly that he was the one who was falling.

Rey doesn't challenge him. Neither do Finn or Poe.

"If we can get out of here," Rey manages. "You can try… not to be a monster." She shrugs, as if she doesn't know how else to put it.

"But we're all going to die."

"None of us are dying," Finn declares. BB-8 bleeps.

"What makes you so sure?" Poe asks.

"I have a plan."


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Poe meets Finn's eyes. We're going to die.

"If this works," Poe hisses. "We're going to have to get the hell back to Coruscant, like right away. We don't want to be on the run from King Prana _and_ from the First Order."

Finn looks to Kylo, trying to read his swollen eyes. "You coming?"

"There _are_ other escape pods," Poe puts in. "So you can go off wherever you want to go."

Kylo hesitates.

BB-8 chirps. _Come with us._

Rey looks at him with the same stunned look she gave Finn on Takodana. "You'd still leave? After all this?"

"None of this changes who I _am_ ," Kylo retorts.

" _Ben Solo,"_ Rey states.

" _And_ Kylo Ren."

Finn's neck aches as he strains to watch them.

"I killed my father, Rey. They'd never let me come back after that. The Resistance will want my blood. I—"

"Blew up the Hosnian system?" Poe supplies.

"I had no part in that," Kylo snaps. "I never meant for that weapon to be used at all. It was all Hux—"

"True or not, you were there and you allied yourself with the First Order. Intentions don't matter when millions, billions are dead," Poe says.

Finn elbows Poe in the ribs—the side that's not wounded. Poe glares at him.

"See?" Kylo says, turning to Rey. "This is why I can't—"

"What about your mother?" Rey demands, voice shaking.

 _What about me?_ Finn knows she means, even if Rey doesn't know it.

"You know," Finn says. "I could be wrong, but I will say that if you truly regret blowing up the Republic, allying yourself with the people who can actually defeat them is probably your best course of action. Even if that doesn't come with—you know, comfort."

"I've never cared about comfort," Kylo retorts.

"You do care about your life," Rey says.

"That's not it." Kylo's eyes slip towards the floor, and Rey's jaw drops. Finn can even realize what's going through Kylo's mind without any sort of Force ability.

"As much as she _should_ hate you, she doesn't," Poe grumbles. "If you're worried about facing her—"

"How do you know?" Kylo's voice cracks, not unlike it did on the bridge when he told Han Solo it was too late.

Poe blinks and looks to Finn as if to ask why Kylo's suddenly so vulnerable. Finn nods.

BB-8 purrs, urging Poe on.

Poe sighs. "Because, as I told you on the _Falcon_ , she's told me. She spent days crying, you know. She puts on a brave face when she needs to, but—he was her husband. I can't even imagine." Poe's voice trembles now, and his shoulder brushes Finn's, and Finn realizes he's thinking of what he'd feel if something were to happen to Finn.

 _He'd probably cry,_ Finn realizes. Because to Poe, Finn's not just a number. He never has been.

_Well, I ain't usin' it. FN… Finn, I'm gonna call you Finn, is that all right?_

If he'd died with the First Order, no one would have mourned. At the very best, if he ascended the ranks, other officers would have pursed their lips and then found someone else to do his job.

Finn may not ever find out who his family is, unlike Rey. But he has one anyways. _I love you, Poe._

Kylo shudders as he tries to breathe. "I—"

"Do you miss her?" Rey blurts out.

He swallows and bites his lip, and then nods. Finn wasn't expecting that at all. Poe literally gasps.

"Okay," Poe says. "Okay. Well, dude, um—okay. I've told you before that I found your mother crying one day, and I told her I was sorry, and she said she missed Han, but she also missed _you_."

"Why?" Kylo whispers.

"I don't know," Poe replies, tone completely void of snarkiness.

"Because she's a mother actually doing what a mother should do," Rey says, her voice brittle and bitter.

Finn's heart aches for her. Poe shakes his head, because this is something he cannot imagine.

"Rey," Kylo tries. "Your parents—it's not because of _you_."

"You told me it was because of me!"

"Yeah, but not—it was because of their fear. Their superstitions. Not because of who you were," Kylo insists, and Finn can only hope Rey will believe Kylo's words. He snorts at the irony.

Rey sniffs. "Let's talk about the plan."

"Okay," Finn says quickly. "They've gone down to only two of them coming to give us water. When they come next time, Ky— _Ben_ , you choke one, and Rey, you do your Jedi mind trick—"

The ship rollicks from side to side, Poe's elbow landing in Finn's stomach. Kanjiklub shouts in a language Finn doesn't understand.

"Or not," Finn wheezes.

"What's going on?" Rey yelps.

"Fire back!" shouts a muffled Bala-Tik.

"The First Order," Kylo breathes. _Ben_. "It has to be—"

"How would they even know to look for this particular—" Rey starts before the ship plummets and spins, sending Rey slamming against Ben's chest.

BB-8 shrieks and slams against Finn's arm. He gasps.

"He's dealt with the First Order in the past! I recognize the name," Ben says, gasping.

"Hey!" Finn bellows, slamming on the door. "Get to a planet and go low! It confuses their tracking! That's what we did!" He groans.

He can't even tell if they heard him. Shouts still roll and the ship starts to spiral.

Poe meets Finn's eyes. _We're going to die._

Their hands might be bound, but Finn grabs onto Poe nonetheless, squeezing his eyes shut, unable to scream or do anything to stop this. He feels the warmth of Poe's face against his chest, the bristle of Poe's hair swiping against his chin, and he knows Poe can hear his own heart beating its last few beats, and that's what he clings to.

* * *

Screams, and blaster fire.

Rey hears it calling to her, but she can't move. Everything hurts. Everything feels broken. Something wet and hot and sticky runs down her face. She doesn't like that.

Something shifts underneath her—someone.

 _Spiraling_.

Rey's eyes fly open just as blinding light floods the compartment, burning. She cries out as someone wrenches her up by her shoulder, throwing her to the ground.

"Look what we have here," comes the smug voice of the same redheaded general from the base where they rescued Finn and Poe from.

Rey's eyes start to focus, and she sees the bodies of Bala-Tik and Kanjiklub, crumpled on the floor. Her stomach heaves.

BB-8 whirs.

"No," groans Ben.

"Snoke will be immensely displeased, I think," says the redhead. _Hux_. She hears his name in Ben's mind and looks to him in shock. His jaw hangs open.

"Considering you were supposed to fetch this girl for him in the first place," adds Hux.

"What?" mumbles Finn as he and Poe are dragged out, Poe looking somewhat more alert than the rest of them.

BB-8 stings Ben, who yelps.

 _What?_ Rey feels through their bond and it's _true_. It's _true_.

"He gave me orders but I never intended to carry them out!" Ben insists. "I left the First Order! Because—because—"

_Because Snoke asked me to kill my father._

_Because Snoke wanted to bring you to him to remind me of the power of the Dark Side._

_Because I love you and I can't hurt you again. Not ever._

Rey's scraped wrists sting as they rub against the twine. She has to get out of here. She can't go with Hux. Whatever Snoke wants to do to her—it's _bad_.

Finn still blinks as if dazed. Poe squirms beside him and Rey's eyes catch on his wrists.

No ropes.

"And now you're coming with the First Order. All of you," proclaims Hux. "Phasma, see to it that they—"

" _Monster!"_ Poe shouts, but instead of charging at Phasma or Hux, he lunges at Ben, tackling him to the ground. Ben gasps as Poe falls on top of him.

"Hey!" Hux shrieks.

Phasma steps forward and yanks Poe off of Ben, whose hands clasp around something. Rey doesn't know what, but she sees his wrists moving ever so slightly.

_A sliver of shattered metal._

And then Ben's hands fly up and Phasma's thrown into the wall, and Hux too. He yanks out his lightsaber, burning his ankles free and then the edges of Rey's bindings. She pulls of her saber and runs for Finn as Poe grabs a fallen blaster.

"Escape pods!" shouts Ben as he slashes Phasma's blaster. Rey burns Finn's bindings away, and Poe hauls him up, face tight with pain.

Rey aims her lightsaber at Hux's throat. "Think twice," she advises him as he tries to grab for a blaster.

"Come on!" Ben yanks his hand down, and Hux faints. "Let's go!" He runs after Rey towards the escape pod, which Poe's already punching code into. BB-8 rolls after them.

"Oh, _shit!"_ Poe yells.

"What?" Rey demands. Finn's still barely conscious. Rey grabs her friend. "Stay with me."

"The moment we leave, there's an entire squadron of stromtroopers ready to blast us from the sky!"

"So we evade them!"

"In this? Escape pods don't move too fast, Rey!" Poe's eyes shine with tears.

"We try," Rey says, voice wobbling. "It's a miracle we're all even alive at this point. We try and we hope."

"I've got a bad feeling about this," Finn rasps.

"I've got a better idea," Ben says, looking at Finn as if he's triggering something in him. And Rey sees Han falling, hears Han calling out for a son he knows is still alive, a son he refuses to give up for dead, a son he died for.

 _No. No no no no no_ —Rey reaches for Ben, but he twists away from her, jumping out of the escape pod and slamming the door shut.

"You'll _die!"_ Rey screams.

He kind of shrugs and then turns around, racing towards the ship's exit ramp as Poe sends them soaring into the air.

And Rey collapses against the side of the small pod, feeling as if there's a gaping hole in her that she'll never be able to fill.

* * *

Ben slips through the dead ship, spotting the stormtroopers. With one flick of his hand, he sends two-thirds of them to the ground. The rest fire at him, and he deflects the blasts with his lightsaber, sparks sizzling.

"Look!" shrieks one stormtrooper, white-clad finger thrusting into the air at a certain escape pod.

"No!" Ben hears himself scream, flying at her and slicing off her arm. She falls, screeching and clutching her appendage, which now ends at the elbow.

Something Ben last felt when he stabbed his father prickles in his gut. _Guilt_. The prickles ignite, and he gawps at the stormtrooper writhing at his feet.

"Don't let them get—"

 _No time!_ Ben whirls around, twirling his lightsaber and striking at another stormtrooper, who dodges him. Their blaster, on the other hand, is slashed into pieces.

Ben glances up at the sky. _They're gone._

Relief washes over him. _Get out of here. Run. Hide…_

A blaster shot explodes in his side. Ben gags, stumbling back. Another shot slams into his arm, and the lightsaber drops from his hands.

 _No_.

Another blast barely misses his head. Ben drops to his knees, scrounging for the hilt— _please, please_ —

"We can't kill him!" shouts one of them as an arm closes around Ben's throat. He hacks and struggles as another stormtrooper marches over and coolly places the mouth of his blaster against Ben's thigh, firing. Ben howls as pain tears through him, shattering bones and ripping muscle and burning, engulfing him in tremors and nausea and fear.

In desperation, Ben's eyes find the sky. It's daylight, and a distant sun shines. No stars can be seen, but they're just out of sight, and among them, Rey, Finn, and Poe fly. They got away.

 _Would you be proud of me, Father?_ Ben asks. _Grandfather? Both of you?_

He hopes so. Dying can't be all bad. Not when he feels he's finally accomplished something. _I love you, Rey._

He focuses on their bond, drawing his strength from it, meditating on her. Regret twists in his chest as his mother pops into his thoughts.

_I'm sorry._

" _Don't_ kill him!" roars Hux, charging out of the ship. "The Supreme Leader wants him alive! To deal with you on his own," Hux adds with a sneer as he staggers closer, smirking at Ben's various wounds.

Ben tries to glare at him like Poe glared at him that night on Jakku. Wouldn't Poe laugh at the irony if he knew. Hux lifts his boot and grinds it into Ben's thigh wound. He cries out.

"Give him as much bacta as he needs to stay alive," Hux orders.

* * *

Poe bites his lip as he watches Rey and Finn, Finn still bloody and sluggish, Rey crying.

_She loves him._

And Ben loves her. Enough to die for them. Although Rey hasn't reacted yet, as she should if someone she's Force-bound to dies. Or so Poe presumes.

"Hello?"

"Leia?" Poe squeaks out as his transmission finally goes through. "Leia! _Leia!"_

Rey gasps. Even Finn blinks and tries to straighten.

"Dameron!"

"You're awake!" Tears clog Poe's throat. It's not going to be a repeat of his parents' deaths. Leia's _alive_.

"You've escaped!"

"Yeah, me and Finn—and Rey," Poe adds. He can't tell her about Kylo. About Ben. Not until he's with her and can do it in person.

"Rey too," Leia breathes. "Is Luke with you?"

"No?"

"What's your location?" Leia demands. "Luke went looking for you—he said he had a lead, last time I spoke to him—"

"Luke's looking for us?" Rey whispers. Poe studies her expression, looking for extra grief. Nothing yet.

"Give me your coordinates," Leia orders. "I'll get you in touch with Luke."


	15. Chapter 15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "I'm coming. I promise."

Rey paces outside the pod, checking her bond with Ben again. He's alive, but she can't tell any more than that. He's not here, and she misses him. She misses the way their bond thrums when he's nearby. She misses his snark. _Dammit_.

"There they are!" shouts Poe as the _Millennium Falcon_ begins to descend. Rey's heart leaps to her throat. How angry will Luke be with her?

 _Not angry enough not to come back._ A lump sticks to Rey's throat, and she can't swallow it away.

"Come on!" Poe helps Finn up the ramp, BB-8 speeding behind them. Rey ducks inside and almost instantly comes face to face no with her mentor, but with Chewbacca.

She freezes, staring at the Wookiee and wondering. _Do you hate me now?_

In this moment, Rey understands why Ben couldn't bear facing his mother. Shame cripples her. She wraps her arms around herself.

Chewie groans and wraps her up in a hug. Tears leak from Rey's eyes as she grips his fur, burying her face in his chest, sobs heaving out of her.

"Rey?"

She pulls away from Chewie to face Luke. The man who lied to her. The man who came back for her, in the end.

"You're safe," Luke says.

She nods. She doesn't know how to tell him.

"My nephew?"

"Captured by the First Order," Rey says.

Chewie moans.

" _Captured?"_ Maz Kanata asks.

"Maz!" Rey's jaw drops.

"Maz?" croaks Finn from the bunk Poe helps him onto.

"Maz told me you were being taken to King Prana's," Luke explains.

"Oh." Rey's face flushes as she locks eyes with the woman. What _else_ does she know—or, what else did she see?

R2 and BB-8 bloop at each other. Not doubt BB's already spilling the story.

"We need to get out of here," Luke says. "Come to the cockpit with me, Rey. Enlighten me."

She tells him everything—the meeting on Coruscant, what Hux said Kylo was ordered to do, how Ben trained her—soft of—how she went to save her friends, and he came to save her. How he sacrificed himself for them.

"He's not dead yet," Maz says.

"No. I can tell. But that's _all_ I can tell," Rey adds. "We didn't have enough time to really explore our bond."

Maz snorts. Rey glowers, but heat grows in her cheeks.

"There's still Light in him," she adds.

"Is that why you went with him?" Luke questions.

"No. I went because—my family. He told me about them." Rey clenches her fists, the betrayal still cutting at her. "You didn't."

Luke presses his fist to his mouth, features crunching in pain.

"For so many years, they were all I ever wanted," Rey continues, her voice shaking, pulsating with tears. "And you knew. And you didn't _tell_ me."

"I'm sorry, Rey." Luke turns to her.

"About time," Maz sniffs.

"I knew the moment I saw you who you were. The moment you held out that saver to me, I knew you were Obi-Wan's granddaughter—I knew it was you. But I'd gotten so used to running." Luke shakes his head. "Facing your failures is not something that gets easier as you get older, Rey."

She thinks of Ben. She thinks of her parents not coming back, and how somehow, that still makes her feel as if _she_ failed.

"Dear child," Maz says gentle, pulling off her goggles as Chewie comes back to watch. "It's not your fault."

Rey covers her mouth and nods.

"I'm so sorry," Luke manages again. "I should have protected you—I should have realized that protecting you, even now, doesn't necessarily mean keeping you ignorant. I should have realized that before Ben fell."

She shakes her head.

"I messed up, Rey. I'm responsible. I know Ben made his own choices, but—I failed to protect you as a child. I failed to protect my padawans, who were learning about the Force. I let my own pursuits distract me, and I'm—I'm sorry."

She nods. He's _apologizing_. Her parents never did, and now they can't. But Luke—he _is_.

Chewie nods in approval.

"Thank you," Luke adds. "For waking me up. For drawing us all back into this. Me, and Han."

Rey recoils. "Han _died_."

"The only way he would have wanted to die. For someone he loves. You didn't cause it," Luke clarifies quickly, seeing the look on Rey's face. "You saved Han, in a way."

Rey doesn't understand, but Maz nods in confirmation.

"Death isn't the worst thing," Luke says. "Living without Light is."

"Ben still has Light," Rey insists. Maz smiles.

"I know," Luke says. "I'm afraid to hope, Rey, but I do. I do, because I trust you."

"Even though I left to train with him?"

"I trust you," Luke echoes.

"But he's gone now," Rey chokes out. She sees the stars they fly by, all blazing, all bright. She remembers all of Ben's memories, drawing on his love for the stars. _Can you see these now?_ she wonders, trying to force the image into their connection. _See them through my eyes._

It's futile, and all she gains from it is a headache.

 _I love him,_ Rey realizes as her concentration breaks. _I love him._

What if she never gets to say it? He might never know, and anger cuts through her—anger that she doesn't get to love. For so long she's been angry that she hasn't received love. Now she's mad that she can't give it.

"Maybe not," Luke counters.

And that's all it takes to stoke her hope. "What?"

"I'm not terribly knowledgeable about Force bonds," Luke admits. "But from the Jedi lore Lor San Tekka found with me… you need to focus, Rey. Use the Force."

"I've _tried_."

"Try again," Luke encourages. "Chewie, you and Poe take over flying, okay?" He stands as if to move them out of the cockpit.

"No," Rey insists, spotting a blue star sparking in the distance, and a cluster of yellow ones. Worlds she'll never know, and yet they feel so familiar to her, because she knows Ben loves the stars too. "Let's practice here."

"Focus," Luke encourages her as she strains deep within her mind. Poe enters, but Rey hardly registers it.

 _I love you, Ben,_ she thinks as she opens her eyes, sighing in frustration. She catches sight of a purple planet dotting the black space, flickering among white stars.

"Again," Luke says, and she obeys. She's so tired…

And then she's sucked away, and Rey's no longer on the _Falcon_ —she's in a room, a cold room with metal walls. With the First Order, she realizes, gasping because the room looks similar—so similar—to the Starkiller Base. _But it was destroyed,_ she reminds herself, chest heaving. _It's gone._

Someone coughs to her left, and Rey whirls, seeing the chair she was kept in—or some contraption just like it. But she's not the victim restrained in its clutches anymore—no, Ben is.

Blood streaks his face. His matted hair sticks to the side of his face, and the door opens. Rey jumps.

"Snoke's very eager to see you, Ren," announces the preening General Hux as he struts forward, escorted by two armed stormtroopers. "And you will tell him everything you know."

"Try me," rasps Ben.

Hux steps back, hands clasped behind his back. "Try him," he orders the stormtroopers.

Ben grits his teeth as one of the stormtroopers slams his blaster into what looks like a heavily bandaged wound on his leg. It doesn't work. A scream escapes. The other stormtrooper grabs his arm, across another gash, and twists the skin as the stormtrooper raises the blaster and drives it down again.

Rey shrieks, but no one hears her. Ben retches, and vomits.

Hux's nose wrinkles and he looks repulsed as Ben gasps at him.

"Traitor," Hux spits.

"Monster," Ben returns.

A stormtrooper strikes Ben across the face.

"Did you really think you could go to the Resistance and be accepted?" Hux taunts.

Ben cackles, sniffling. "Did you really think I was going to the Resistance?"

Hux's nostrils flare. He doesn't understand, and so he can't believe. "You're just infatuated with that desert rat. That _girl_."

Ben stiffens, and Hux smirks.

"When the First Order defeats the Resistance," Hux says. "I'll personally see to it that Snoke takes your desert whore and that she dies a slow and horrendously painful—"

"Shut up!" Ben yells.

Huz raises his eyebrows, and the stormtroopers both hit his thigh wound.

"Stop!" Rey screams, clenching her fists. She runs at them, but she can't touch them. There's no point. She's not really here.

But Ben looks directly at her even as tears stream down his face, mixing with blood and vomit. He _sees_ her, and the look on his face—his lips move in shock. "Rey."

She reaches for him, but she's suddenly sucked away, gasping, curled in a ball on one of the _Falcon's_ passenger chairs.

"Rey," Luke's calling to her.

She meets his gaze, still fighting to breathe. "I—I _saw_ him."

"What the hell?" Poe exclaims. He and Finn both gape at her. BB-8 and R2 chatter in concern.

"He's in a chair—like the chair I was in—some kind of interrogation room."

"A Star Destroyer. It has to be," Finn says.

"They're torturing him," Rey says, grabbing on to Luke's shoulder. "Horribly."

Poe groans.

"R2, can you get Rey some water?" Maz requests. "And something to eat."

"You don't have to try again," Luke tells her.

Rey's jaw drops. "Then how else are we going to rescue him?"

"Good for you, Rey," declares Maz. "You've got your grandfather's bravery."

* * *

"If Rey does manage to get through," Poe says to Finn as they both take rest on one of the _Falcon_ 's bunks, Poe's arm stroking up and down Finn's chest. "And get the location, how are we gonna do this?"

"Why are you asking me? I would think the Force users would be the best ones to ask," Finn jokes, turning and planting a kiss on Poe's neck.

Poe turns too, facing Finn. "You're the one who came up with the plan to get us away from Bala-Tik and those gangs."

Finn laughs softly, running his fingers through Poe's wavy hair. "It's not like we got to do it."

"Still, it wasn't half-bad, considering the situation." Poe bites his lip. "Even if you don't have the Force, you're just as capable as they are of coming up with plans and such."

"We'll see."

Poe pulls Finn closer, opening his mouth over Finn's. Finn's body responds, lighting up with the love he has for Poe and with the fact that Poe believes in him, but not just to use him, which was how Phasma and the other First Order officers thought of him. Useful. Poe believes in him, not because he's part of the Resistance, but simply because he knows and trusts Finn, and _cares_.

"Um, Poe," Finn manages as Poe fumbles with Finn's pants. "There are other people on this ship."

Poe grins, his eyes glinting and a swath of hair falling over his eyes. "Who are otherwise occupied with learning the Force."

Finn smirks.

"In all fairness," Poe adds. "Last time we were in a cantina." Finn kisses him, sucking away his ability to talk. "With people around—" Poe gasps as he pulls away for all of a few seconds, before delving back in.

Finn moves over Poe. "Like this again?"

"Yeah." Poe wraps his legs around Finn, pulling him closer. Their bodies meld together, and Finn clenches his jaw to keep his breathing quiet. _We're going to be okay. We are okay_.

More than just safety. He has a place to belong. He has a cause to fight for. He has people he needs and for once, he's able to say he needs them, he loves them, he wouldn't be okay if they were snatched from him, and that's okay. Empathy—love—doesn't take away from his ability to do his duty. It grows it.

And they might not make it to the end of the war, but right now, Poe's holding Finn and he's holding Poe, and this matters more than what might come.

Poe lets out a small gasp, and Finn grit his teeth. "You okay?" he pants.

"Yeah." Poe's eyes shine as he takes Finn's lower lip in his mouth. "I love you."

"I love you."

* * *

"Again," Luke commands.

Maz reaches her hand out and places it on Rey's knee. "Concentrate on your feelings, child."

"What?" Rey asks.

Chewie grunts in confusion.

"The Jedi of old weren't correct about everything," Maz says. "Wise, yes, but wisdom in some areas can blind you to wisdom in other areas. Your feelings don't have to control you, but you can feel them and acknowledge them as a source of strength."

 _Just what kind of feelings are you hinting it?_ But Rey knows Maz knows. She sees it in Maz's eyes, in her small smile. She closes her eyes again and concentrates—not on her fear, but on the fact that she loves Ben, on the hope that reality ignites within her.

And she's back, standing in a cell. Ben's still trapped in a chair, writhing as much as the restraints will allow him to writhe. The room reeks, and even though Ben's alone for now, Rey sees all manners of bloodied, singed torture tools thrown onto a table across from the chair.

"Ben," she calls, stepping towards him, goosebumps running up her arms. "Ben."

His eyes crack open, a gash on his left temple and the skin around his brows swollen and mauve. The whites of his eyes are crimson against brown and golden-green. He licks his cracked lips, looking to her like she's a ghost.

"Where are you?" she tries.

"What? How are you—"

"Our bond," she states. "I need you to tell me where you are. Where you're headed."

He shakes his head. "There's no point."

Fury surges through Rey. She could throttle him. "If you think I'm going to leave you—"

"You can't come—"

"Yes, I bloody can! _Tell_ me!" Rey leans forward, knowing she won't actually be able to touch him, because she's only here in his mind, in hers, but she wants him to see, wants him to feel. _I love you._ Her face hovers over his own, and it's as if she's really there. He looks up at her with his eyes hollow and afraid to hope, his lips parted. "Trust me. _Please_ ," she says, hoping her determination pours into him like hope.

"We're on the _Finalizer_ ," he says, voice cracked and broken. "A Star Destroyer—the same one—Finn and Poe escaped from." Now his voice sounds slurred, and Rey's heart leaps.

"Stay with me," she pleads.

"They're not going to let me die," he chokes out. "Don't worry."

She scowls, and he almost smiles, but winces. "We're heading for Snoke."

"And where the hell is he?" Rey prompts.

Ben names a planet, and Rey recites it in her mind again and again and again. "I'm coming. I promise," she tells him.


	16. Chapter 16

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "I don't care!" Poe shouts. "You'll die!"
> 
> "Since when are you afraid of dying?" Finn retorts.

BB-8 charges out as Finn's getting dressed. "What?" he yelps.

BB-8 spills some kind of news. "Damn, I really have to learn binary," Finn complains.

"They've got it," Poe breathes, sitting up. "Ben's location."

Finn's jaw drops, and he stumbles towards the cockpit. Rey lies back in a chair, looking exhausted and pale, shadows climbing around her eyes. Maz beams, and Luke's mouth hovers open, looking as if he can't believe his pupil actually accomplished something with his instructions.

 _See, Luke?_ Finn wants to encourage him, but doesn't quite have the guts to say it aloud just yet. _Believe_.

R2 chirps, and Chewie wraps a massive arm around Rey.

"We know where the Finalizer's heading," Luke says. "And we might be able to intercept them. We're already heading after them."

"Finn," Maz says. "You know that ship better than anyone here."

"Well, yeah." Finn stammers. "But not super well."

"Do you know it well enough for us to be able to get on board and rescue Ben?" Rey asks, her head drooping to the side.

"Because we're not going to be able to take on Snoke if they get him back to that planet," Luke states.

"Yeah," Finn says. "Yeah, we can do this."

Poe smirks at him as plans began to snap into place in Finn's mind. He has the feeling Poe won't be smiling for much longer.

"We'll need Poe and Chewie to stay here, piloting," Finn begins. Poe's brows swoop together. "Seriously, we'll need a quick get away."

"And what will you be doing?" Poe demands.

"We'll get on board. Rey, I can give you directions to the cells. You can use the Force to open them, can't you? Mind-trick a stormtrooper or something?"

"Probably," Rey says.

"Especially if you're alone," Finn adds. "We can't be used as leverage like we've been in the past."

"And you and Luke?" Poe prompts.

"We—" Finn looks to the floor, at his boots—still stormtrooper boots, because they still fit him better than any extra shoes the Resistance had. "We create a distraction."

" _What distraction?"_ Poe demands.

Even Rey lifts her head in curiosity. Or dread. Or both.

"I don't have a death wish," Finn reassures him.

"Why do I have the feeling that what's about to come out of your mouth is gonna suggest that you _do?"_ Poe counters.

Maz takes off her glasses and peers at Finn. He shrinks. "Why are you doing that again—"

"Nope. No death wish," Maz pronounces, clasping her glasses back on.

"Well, now that we have that settled, what is this plan?" Rey asks.

"I'll sneak onto the main bridge. We'll be able to—well—"

"I'm already not liking this," Poe states.

BB-8 bleeps and Poe glares at the droid.

"We can make an announcement. Or I can. To the stormtroopers. See if there are any more who might want to desert. To have their own lives. I can't be the only one."

"I'm pretty sure you're the first one," Rey says.

"Based on what? What if others have left and they've kept it quiet? And even if I am the first one to leave, how do we know others don't want to? I used to be _one of them_. None of us ever had a chance to make a decision for ourselves. If we even tell them there's another way, yeah, they might spit on it, most of them probably will because it goes against everything they've ever been taught, but don't they at least deserve that information? That chance? The possibility that there's a chance?"

"What exactly are you even going to say?" Poe snaps.

"That they can leave, if they want to. That they can go anywhere. That there are people out there who will want to help them. If I bring up joining the Resistance, they'll never listen, but maybe eventually some—"

"How the hell are they even going to be able to leave?" Poe shouts. "If you make that announcement, won't they crack down? Won't they maybe even punish them?"

"We can leave contact devices around the ship. Not very many, because we don't have very many—but they can contact us if they need to. And the Resistance can help them. Or _I_ can. Whatever they want to do—"

"That's not how the Resistance works!"

"Well, maybe it should be!" Finn retorts. "The New Republic wasn't exactly great with helping people outside of their agendas because of their bureaucratic preoccupations, and look where it got them!"

"I'm not against helping stormtroopers who want to get free!" Poe insists. "I'm just against stupidity, and you dying! Because if Luke's scattering the devices—which I'm guessing is your plan— _you'll get caught and they'll shoot you where you stand!"_

Rey's head swivels back and forth between them.

"It'd be a worthwhile risk to take," Finn says, voice wobbling.

"I think it can work," Luke says. "But I'm sending R2 and Maz and BB-8 with us. Maz stays with Finn, R2 with me, and BB-8 with Rey. So, he won't be alone, Poe."

"I don't care!" Poe shouts. "You'll _die!"_

"Since when are you afraid of dying?" Finn retorts, his heart smarting. He doesn't want to hurt Poe.

"I'm not," Poe chokes out, looking at Finn as if he's carving his hope away. "But Finn—you can just help rescue Ben—there's no need to—"

"Rey's going to need a distraction," Finn says.

"Fine." Poe shakes his head and storms away.

"Poe!" Finn calls.

"Give him time," Maz says gently, taking Finn's hand.

BB-8 whimpers, but rolls against Finn's legs. _At least you're not mad at me._

"I'll talk to him," Luke says, groaning as he heaves himself up.

Finn looks to Rey, seeing tears bright in her eyes. She staggers to her feet and clasps his shoulders, fingers digging in, digging hard.

"Don't get killed."

"I don't want to," Finn insists.

Rey throws her arms around him, holding Finn close.

* * *

"Poe." Luke appears above Poe, who's sitting with his hands dangling between his knees, head drooping, ashamed of his own cowardice, scared and infuriated and angry at himself, and at Finn.

"Yeah?" Poe asks, craning his neck up.

Luke sits down next to him, saying nothing at all. Rage builds inside of Poe.

"This is a stupid plan," Poe spits finally.

Luke raises his eyebrows, and Poe can't stand it. "You don't agree? You don't think it's going to get you all killed?"

"It's war, Poe. People get killed."

"You don't think I _know_ that?" Poe snarls. "I watched my mother—she never came _back_ , not from that mission, one last mission years after she gave it up—"

"To spend time with you," Luke says. "She gave it up because the war was over, and she wanted to spend time with you. I gave her that tree, for your yard."

"Yeah, I know." Poe shuffles his feet.

"You were obsessed with flying, even then," Luke adds. "Your dad used to run you around the yard on Yavin 4, holding you up while you made flying noises and pretended to fly."

Poe laughs, nostalgia bubbling out of his sorrow. "I don't remember that."

"Well, it's true." Luke smiles, but his eyes are weighed down too. "Your father let your mom go on that last mission because—"

"Because he wouldn't have wanted to stop her," Poe interrupts.

"Well, that's true," Luke acknowledges. "But I knew Shara Bey, and I knew Kes. They would have talked about it. And I'm sure Kes knew she could die, but he also knew that the mission was important to her."

"Like this is to Finn," Poe finishes bitterly. _More important than me._ He's being selfish, so selfish, and Poe pinches himself in loathing. "So basically my parents would be ashamed of me, is what you're saying."

"Not at all!" Luke insists, with such shock that Poe realizes that this is truly not what Luke meant.

 _But_ … "But they would," Poe whispers. "Because I'm—they raised me not to be afraid. To sacrifice if necessary. They sacrificed… everything. They're both dead, so." He laughs, but it's a crackling sound. It's not funny at all, but he doesn't know how else to punctuate the obvious and the solemn.

"And you've _done_ that," Luke points out. "I've heard that you and Finn met when he freed you. You were willing to die then. You went after Rey with Finn. You've—"

"Yeah, but this seems so—I won't be there to protect him, and I know he doesn't need my protection, obviously, but—like, I like being in control," Poe confesses. "And—" He stops. _I'm scared. I'm so scared._

Luke waits.

"I've spent my whole life, after my parents both died, caring for principles, you know? Not really caring for people, except for my parents, but really just their memories, because they're dead. And caring that people got to live, but not specific—I haven't had anyone like Finn in a long time," Poe finally finishes. "I _love_ him. I can't—the idea of losing him—it's terrifying. I don't know what I'd do. Who I'd become."

"I understand," Luke whispers, and Poe takes in the man sitting next to him, the legendary Jedi, the last of the Jedi, and remembers all the stories his mother told. About his rescue of Han Solo from Jabba the Hutt. About the Battle of Endor, and the first Death Star. And he remembers stories he's heard too, of the destroyed temple, of Luke's massacred students. Massacred by Kylo Ren, who Poe now knows was Luke's own nephew.

 _No wonder Luke fled,_ Poe realizes. The fact that the man is now here—fighting with them, determined to rescue that same nephew—it's incredible. Poe's always known others think of him as strong, always known he was strong, but he doesn't know if he's that strong.

Maybe he can be.

"Finn needs you," Luke insists. _Like Leia needed me,_ echo his unspoken words.

Poe blows out his breath. "Okay."

He rises and marches back into the cockpit. The conversation drops the moment he enters. Poe reaches for Finn and takes his hand, squeezing it. "Don't get killed."

Finn smiles, forgiving him, and Poe's heart swells. His fear, too, but more importantly, Finn loves him, and he tries to focus on that.

"I have to call Leia," Luke announces with a sigh.

"Yes, you do," Maz affirms.

Chewie snorts a question.

"No, I don't think we should. Not yet," Luke answers.

"Why not?" Rey asks. "He _is_ her son."

"If I tell her it's something important, she'll understand," Luke responds. "She's my twin sister. I know her. Besides, she needs to concentrate on the Resistance for now."

R2 bloops in agreement.

"What does that mean?" Poe ventures, thinking back to the tense situation they left from.

Luke shakes his head. "Things look bleak," he says. "But I don't have the details."

"Things always have to get darker before they get better," Maz says.

"Good. You can tell them that when we get back. All of us. Alive. Because if any of us die, that's not going to help," Poe adds, poking Finn in the shoulder. "Okay? For Leia, you have to live."

Finn chortles.

* * *

"What's so important?" Leia demands, her throat constricting. Ackbar's been murmuring in her ear about two more members deserting overnight. Not that she can fault them.

"Trust me, Leia. If this works,' Luke tells her, drawing in a breath. "We'll be back in no time, and the Resistance—you'll have good reason to hope again. Trust me."

"And if it doesn't work, it sounds like we're all doomed," Leia comments.

Luke doesn't respond.

"Oh for heaven's sake," Leia complains. _Can't you understand that I don't want to lose anyone else? That if I do, a part of me might break and never be put back together? That the Resistance, just like bloody politics, is a poor substitute for loved ones?_

She thought a cause was enough. When they led the Rebellion, she told herself it was—but Han and Luke were always there. When she sent Ben away, she told herself the Jedi cause was enough for Luke, and it would be for Ben. It would give her son the purpose he sought.

She couldn't have been more wrong.

 _Where are you, Ben?_ she thinks. _I want you to come home. I still want you home._

She won't give up that the First Order is evil. She'll never compromise that principle. But she needs her son.

"Do what you want," she tells Luke. "You always do anyways." She laughs.

"Love you, Leia."

"Love you too." She hangs up, but she blinks at the unexpected hope Luke's words offered her.

"General?" asks 3PO. "Jess Pava has… news."

"Shit," Leia says, because she knows this news can't be good.

"Good news," 3PO clarifies.

"Well, why didn't you just say so in the first place?" Leia exclaims, shaking her head.

"I do apologize, General, I—"

"It's no matter, 3PO," Leia informs the droid as she hurries past to see Jess's smile. "Pava, I heard—"

"The stormtroopers we captured—or who surrendered to us," Jess says. "One of them's started talking more. The woman. We've gotten rather friendly, but I've been waiting for her to bring up any information—I didn't want to push—I—I figured it would be the best way to get her trust—earn her trust, I mean—"

"Jess, it's all right if you're on friendly terms," Leia interrupts.

Jess grins. "Well, she gave me the frequency the First Order uses to communicate. Sometimes. We've been able to pick up more chatter."

Leia's heart leaps. "About what?"

"There was a rather interesting skirmish with a planet of pirates recently. And they're still looking for fugitives, which I think we can interpret to mean Finn and Poe, and Luke too—"

"Yes, indeed," Leia says.

"There's some old chatter with some—interesting news," Jess adds, twisting a strand of her dark hair around her hand. "Concerning Kylo Ren."

"What?" Leia's heart palpitates.

"It's a week old, but it's—they're looking for him. Rumor has it he deserted," Jess explains.

"Thank you, Pava," Leia says.

"If they've lost their top operative—"

"Yes, that's wonderful news. Tell everyone at once," Leia agrees. She glances outside the dusty window, at the splendor of dozens of towers climbing for indigo Coruscant sky. Ben _left_.

 _Maybe_. She hopes. If he were dead, she would know.

_Baby, where are you?_

* * *

"Here we are," Finn says. "Is everyone ready?"

"Ready as we're going to be," grunts Poe.

"Okay." Finn draws in a deep breath. "We go in through the vents. We'll jump the first stormtroopers we see and take their uniforms. Luke, you and R2 will go to the rest areas and drop the contact devices there. Don't talk to anyone if you can help it, or else that will be the first place they'll search, and they'll confiscate everything."

They _will_ probably figure it out, but Rey doesn't want to bring up the point. She figures that for Finn, if even one device makes it into the right hands, that will be enough for him.

"I'll go up to the bridge area, with Maz."

"I'll use the Force when necessary," Maz affirms. Because there's no way to fit her into a stormtrooper uniform.

"Right." Finn bites his lip. "It might look less suspicious if you follow… at kind of a distance. Or if you stay with Rey and BB-8."

"Hell no," interrupts Poe.

"He has a point," Rey counters.

"I agree," Maz says. "Distance it is."

"Fine." Poe exhales.

"And Rey, BB-8, you follow the tunnels I showed you. Get Ben and get back right away."

Rey nods. "Will do." She checks their bond. Ben's anxious. He doesn't yet know they're here, but he remembers their conversation and he's afraid to hope. _I'm coming_ , she promises again.

"Hey." Poe wraps an arm around Finn and kisses him, long. "I love you."

Rey's heart aches as she watches them. She just wants the chance to say it aloud, in person.

Chewie grunts and offers Finn his bowcaster.


	17. Chapter 17

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "We're getting you out of here."

Rey isn't prepared for the wind tearing through the vents onboard the _Finalizer_. She gasps, crawling on her hands and knees. Every move forward is a struggle. Her hair slaps against her own face, stinging.

BB-8 complains about it as it rolls along.

"What if we get blown into space?" Rey groans.

"You'll be fine!" Finn hollers over his shoulder.

"Whatever you say, General!" Rey moans.

"Shut up," Finn teases, pausing. "Here we go!"

"What?" Rey looks up to see Finn fiddling with a door. It flies open, and Finn leaps into—whatever lays beyond it.

 _Here we go indeed._ Rey crawls and immediately the howling air dissipates. She lets out her breath as BB-8, R2, Maz, and Luke join them.

"Okay," Finn says. "We're almost there. Some of the stromtrooper sleeping quarters are near here, so we should be seeing—"

"We already are!" Rey squeaks as footsteps echo in a hallway off to their right.

"Well then?" Luke invites her.

Rey steps into the hallway, palm tight around her lightsaber hilt, even though she hopes she won't have to use it.

"You there!" shouts a stormtrooper, accompanied by three others.

"You will come after me, and drop your weapons the moment you enter this room," Rey states, banishing all fear, all doubt.

"We will come," they echo. "And drop our weapons when we enter the room."

Rey steps back inside, heart hammering as the stormtroopers enter.

"Sorry, fellows," Finn says as he, Rey, and Luke whack them over the head.

"Perfect," Rey breathes. "Three of them."

" _Quick_ ," Maz urges.

Rey doesn't have the appropriate black under armor, nor does she have the time to put that on. The white is enough, and the mask. Breathe, she reminds herself, lightsaber still clutched in her sweaty palm.

"This reminds me of when Han and I rescued Leia," Luke muses. "We had to do it in stormtrooper armor too."

"Luke, Maz, R2, you all head in that direction," Finn says, nodding to the left. "Leave the devices in the sleeping quarters."

"Isn't Maz going with you?" Rey demands.

Finn shakes his head. "That's foolishness."

"He's right," Maz says softly.

"So you all lied to Poe?"

"I'm coming back," Finn assures her. She can't see his face, but she hears his voice, the voice of her first friend, and she can't fathom that this outfit he wears now—the mask, the bone-like armor—is what he was trained to spend the rest of his life in.

 _They_ are _worth trying to save,_ Rey thinks about the rest of the stormtroopers. She swallows. "You better."

"Don't worry," Luke mutters to Rey. "We have a plan." And then he's gone, and Finn's leading her up a flight of stairs.

"The prison cells are in that direction. Tell any other troopers you see that General Hux has requested the prisoner. They'll hand him over without questioning," Finn assures her.

"Come back," she insists, a vague threat.

"I will. I promise." And then Finn turns and hurries away, and she's alone.

Well, not quite. "BB-8, stay close."

The droid beeps, assuring her that Finn will be fine and soon she'll be reunited with her love.

"Hey!" Rey scolds.

BB-8 bleeps innocently. Rey shakes her head. The mask sits heavy on her, and she wants it gone.

 _I'm almost here, Ben,_ she thinks. _I'm coming._

* * *

The door closes, and Ben would sigh in relief, if he had any breath left to give. But his ribs ache, and his lung are tired. His thigh, on the other hand—it throbs and burns, screaming for bacta, for anything. The pain stemming from that one spot feels like a sarlacc consuming him with its venomous saliva.

_You deserve this. All of this._

He does, but he doesn't want it.

_When he gets what he wants, he'll crush you._

_Or_ , Ben thinks wryly. _When he realizes he can't get what he wants, he'll crush me._ At least he hasn't fully given himself over to Snoke. Ben tells himself that maybe somehow his mother will realize. Maybe she'll at least feel some relief, some hope, knowing that Kylo Ren died with Ben still alive in him. Died as Ben, if he's lucky enough to hold out.

He doesn't even have any information to tell Snoke. Not really. Only that Luke Skywalker's joined the Resistance, not that Snoke doesn't already know. Rey gave him little.

The only thing Snoke could do—which Hux can't do, and which Hux seems to have realized, torturing Ben now simply for the pleasure of it—is exploit his bond with Rey, somehow. Tear through his mind, reach for Rey's. Could he? Is it possible?

Ben hopes that if it is, Hux's torture-happy giddiness takes over and he kills Ben before it can happen.

She asked for the location, but she can't come. She can't. He doesn't want her to risk that.

And that's one thing he also doesn't want Snoke to know. _You won't win,_ he thinks. _Not in the end._

_Love will. Sentiment will. Hope will._

Or so he hopes.

Ben leans back in the chair, closing his eyes and wishing the drumming in his head would stop, even for one moment, so he can sleep. He thinks of the stars and of Rey, hoping to lull himself into a doze.

The door opens, and Ben wants to scream. _Not again._

"What now?" he croaks to the stormtrooper who marches in.

With a familiar droid trailing. Ben gapes. "Who—"

The door slides shut, and the stormtrooper yanks off her helmet, dropping it to the floor with a clunk. "It's someone who loves you."

"Rey." Her name passes through his lips with amazement. She _came_. She actually came. "You came back."

"Yeah," she affirms, but her eyes are brimming, and her words finally register.

_Someone who loves you…_

"Rey—"

She leans over him, pressing her lips against his. His are cracked and bleeding, but it doesn't matter. Her tongue is gentle and her taste sweet. She's crying, and her tears run down both their faces, washing them.

Rey pulls back, wiping the blood and grime off his face. "We're getting you out of here."

_We're… we._

_Finn and Poe._ Ben can only shake his head as her thumbs trace his cheekbones. And in that moment, their bond—it eclipses everything else in his mind. He sees Rey, and they're two people and they're also one, and she _loves_ him, and he loves her.

"We should get going," Rey says, snapping out of it. She ignites her lightsaber and burns away his restraints. Ben crumples, days in that chair and hours of torture weakening him.

BB-8 bleeps.

"Good to see you too," Ben groans to the droid as Rey kneels to help him up.

"For real though," Rey pants as he leans on her, his leg useless. "I love you, Ben."

He can only stare at her the same way he stared at her when his grandfather's lightsaber flew into her grasp, the same way he did when she pushed into his mind and created this whole bond. With astonishment.

"Come on." She helps him walk, and together, they hobble out.

"We looks so conspicuous," he points out. "And we have to move fast."

That's an understatement if Rey ever heard one. "There will be a distraction soon enough," she proclaims grimly.

* * *

Fear winds its way down from Finn's skull, twisting down his back, grappling with his arms and legs as if it wants them to stop moving,

_No. You can do this. You can do this._

What if they're just like the troopers Rey sent to the Resistance on Coruscant? Is it cruelty to offer them something that they see as a trap, even if it's actually freedom? Is there a point?

 _There is a point,_ Finn knows. He wishes he had the Force, wishes he were more special.

 _You left the damn First Order_.

Finn lurks against the wall, hearing a familiar clanking. The moment Phasma comes into sight, Finn aims Chewie's bowcaster at her chest. "Hello again, Phasma."

"There are no shields to lower here," she simpers.

"I don't want you to lower the shields," he snaps.

"Do you have a death wish?" she demands. "Why are you _here?"_

"Because I left people I cared about. People I was raised with." Finn's voice is strong, confident, stemming from some internal belief. "And I don't want them to think this is the only way when there's a better one."

"What better one? There is no Republic," Phasma snarls. "There is nothing but the First Order. The Resistance can't hope to—"

'There are a billion other planets," Finn retorts. "A billion cultures and billions of civilizations. There are _lots_ of other ways, Phasma." He jabs the weapon at her. "Get me on the ship's intercom."

"No."

"You really want a taste of the weapon that helped take down Kylo Ren?" Finn asks. "Do it _now!"_

And Phasma caves again, just like on the Starkiller.

 _Your own life,_ Finn thinks. _You value it more than you think you do._

"Everyone out," Phasma says as she enters the control room.

"But, Captain—" protests a Lieutenant.

" _Get out!"_ Phasma bellows. She turns to Finn as the door closes, her hand hovering over switches. "You realize you're going to die in here."

"There are causes worth dying for," Finn tells her. "The First Order just wasn't one of them."

Phasma presses the buttons and Finn keeps the bowcaster trained on her as he licks his lips. _Speak_.

"This is Finn. You may have heard of me as FN-2187, if your superiors have let you hear about me. I was raised as a stormtrooper, like you. But I betrayed the First Order on my first mission, to Jakku." Finn draws in his breath, the memory of the tangy, bitter smell of blood returning to his nostrils. "I couldn't kill innocent people. You may not understand—it's war. I was weak. I admit that."

Phasma snorts.

Finn continues on. "But since I left, I've found lots of other planets, met lots of people from all kinds of lives. Yes, I've joined the Resistance. But I didn't have to. That's just kind of how my lot fell. I joined he Resistance because I examined my own thoughts and what I felt. I decided that I didn't want to believe something—believe in the First Order—just because I was told to. That's all I want to say to you. Examine yourselves. Think about why you believe in the First Order. Maybe most of what they've told you is true, and you'll want to stay with them, and that's okay. If you don't want to, though, you should have the right to leave. Not that they'll let you," he adds. "Or maybe they will." _They won't._ "If you want to leave, there's some contact devices left around the ship. I know people who can help."

"You don't think General Hux will use one of those to trap your friends?" retorts Phasma.

"I've no doubt he'll try," Finn snaps. "But maybe it'd be worth the risk." Maybe. Or maybe not. They'll cross that bridge if they come to it.

Shouts echo outside the room. Phasma cocks her head. "Prepare to die, FN-2187."

Finn looks at the glass windows, at the troopers running below. "Not yet." _If R2's been able to do as Luke promised…_

He shoots out the glass with Chewie's bowcaster and takes a running leap out. He lands hard on the floor below, hands smashing into splintered glass, knees slicing on it. The wind's knocked out of him, but Finn needs to survive more than he needs air. He forces himself up, that old head injury throbbing again, dizzying him.

A flash of blue. Finn fires his bowcaster, but not at the trooper—near him, at a TIE fighter that explodes, sending troopers ducking as shrapnel flies everywhere. And Finn runs, charge for a shuttle. He leaps inside and punches in the codes.

 _I really hope your lessons pay off, Ben,_ he thinks as the ship lurches to life and he veers out of the hanger, hurtling around the ship.

 _And now I see why we need a gunner,_ he thinks sourly as he tries to evade shots. He's not precise in his piloting skills, but he's still breathing, so that counts.

Finn flies towards the hatch and into the vents. _Please—please—_

"Finn!" Luke, Maz, and R2 rush in.

"Where are BB-8 and Rey and Ben?" Finn shouts. "Thanks for disabling their ventral cannons, R2."

The droid bleeps.

"There!" Maz yells, and Finn sees Rey and Ben stumbling towards them, BB-8 racing ahead.

"Shit." Luke leaps out, the wind slapping at his face, his robes flying around him as he races towards his student and his nephew, grasping one of Ben's arms and helping haul him aboard.

"Let's go!" Finn closes the ramp and lets Luke take over the pilot's chair, grabbing the guns and aiming them. "Good to see you alive!"

Ben shakes his head, seemingly still in shock. His eyes flit from Finn to Maz to R2 to _Luke_.

R2 beeps and purrs, rolling closer. Finn can't tell what the droid says, but whatever it is causes Ben to reach out and put his hand on it in thanks.

"Let me see that," Maz says briskly, tearing at Ben's pants to reveal a gaping wound to his thigh. Rey clutches one of Ben's arms, looking at him the same way Poe looks at Finn.

 _Good grief._ Finn smiles even as he shoots at the TIE fighters coming after them. _I'm sorry. I am._

"We've got more bacta on the Falcon," Maz says. Ben nods.

Even after grabbing his arm and helping him get on board, Luke won't look at him.

 _What even does Luke see?_ Finn wonders. A murderer? The cause of all Luke's anguish? Or his nephew? Or, a complicated murdering, anguish-causing, injured and desperate nephew?


	18. Chapter 18

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "You want to die in there?" she threatens.

Finn bounds onto the Falcon, and the first person he sees isn't whom he expected.

Chewie roars, wrapping his arms around Finn and lifting him up as if he's a kid and Chewie's a proud uncle. Finn snorts as Chewie sets him back down.

"Thanks for this," Finn tells the Wookiee, holding out the bowcaster. "It… came in handy." _Saved my life_. And quite probably Luke and Maz and Rey and Ben's, because with their escape pod swallowed up, Luke may not have been able to wrangle it free in time for them to escape.

Chewie claps Finn on the top of the head as if to say he deems Finn worthy of the weapon. Finn smiles, an ache in his heart. _Is this what it's like to have family?_

"Come on," Rey says behind him, hauling Ben on. BB-8 and R2 greet Chewie, who glowers after Han Solo's son. Ben's head hangs, from physical weakness or shame or fear, Finn can't guess.

"Finn!" Poe appears, throwing his arms around Finn. Before Finn can eke out a word, Poe plants his mouth over Finn's, and all his fear, all the anxiety, all the _what ifs_ dissipate.

"I love you," Poe chokes out, pulling away and pressing his forehead into the nape of Finn's neck. "You came back."

Something wet brushes Finn's skin, and he lifts Poe's face. "I promised, didn't I?"

"Yeah," Poe says, rolling his eyes. "I just—I'm glad you didn't get killed." He offers Finn a watery smile.

"Well," Maz drawls. "You two look good together."

* * *

"Lie still," Rey snaps as she smears bacta on Ben's leg. Maz works on his arm.

He tries to lay still, but lying on this bunk—it's surreal. Visions and images flash through his mind, and he bites his lip. _Ouch_. Too hard. Blood dribbles down his tongue.

_I love you._

Ben opens his eyes and watches Rey, her hair windswept and wild around her face, stormtrooper armor still on her limbs. She catches him staring at her and smirks.

She shouldn't have come for him, but she did, because she loves him. _I don't deserve her._

"Rest," Maz orders, grabbing Ben by the shoulder. He nods, because this creature's been able to scare him since he was a child.

His eyes drift shut, and he feels Rey's hand gripping his own. Pain still throbs and pounds in his skull, down his leg, even as the bacta works to heal him. Behind his eyelids, he sees his father, hears him calling out his name.

_He's eight, and people are starting to whisper that Snoke might not be as benevolent as they thought. Maybe, instead, he's of the Dark Side._

_Ben's tired of hearing it. His parents are due to leave the planet in another hour, and he sets off into the forest, determined to get away from the bickering and the endless confusion._

_He doesn't believe Snoke's bad. Snoke believes in him. He's told Ben he's good, that he's powerful and that's a good thing, and the Force is his to use. Everyone else either wants him not to use the Force or use it to help their own interests._

_Ben climbs a tree near the Falcon, spotting a quartz rock lying in a nearby brook. He extends his hands, trying to lift it through the Force. It wobbles, but doesn't come to him._

Come on. _Ben tries again._

" _Snoke was right about you," breathes a voice below him. Ben jumps and grips the tree to keep from falling. A figure all in black, with a mask, looks up at him._

_Fear skips in Ben's chest. "Who are you?"_

" _I'm part of the Knights of Ren. We ally ourselves with Snoke. Came to hear this… discussion." The man waves his hand._

" _It's not true, is it?" Ben demands._

" _Snoke's never given me a reason to doubt his wisdom," the man recites. "He says you can use the Force. That you're powerful, even at such a young age."_

_The bark scrapes against Ben's cheek as he watches the masked man. "I can use the Force," he says carefully._

" _Show me."_

 _His mother's warned him against this, but he doesn't care. Ben shoots his hand out at the rock again. It bobbles up and down, but nothing happens. Come_ on _. It flies into his hand, and Ben smirks at the so-called knight._

" _Impressive," the knight tells him. "You'll be a great Jedi someday." And then he waves. "Hope to se you again."_

" _Bye," Ben calls._

_Buoyed by the praise, he finds another rock and reaches for it. It levitates, but this time when Ben catches it, he loses his grip on the tree and finds himself falling backwards. He lands on his leg, and something cracks. White-hot pain shoots through him._

_And then Ben hears his mother calling for him. Wincing, he hobbles towards the Falcon, even though each step makes him feel like he wants to throw up and his leg is crooked. "Coming!" he hollers._

" _Come on," Father urges when he sees him. "We're kind of crunched for time." He doesn't even notice that Ben's crying._

_Ben limps along towards the ramp._

" _Oh my—Princess!" wails 3PO. Ben shrinks as the droid totters over to him. "What did you do?"_

" _I fell," Ben says. No way is he bringing the Force into this. Or the knight. Or Snoke._

" _What? Shit!" Father races over to him, gathering Ben up in his arms. "_ Ben _." He lays Ben down on the bunk. "Leia!"_

" _I'm sorry," Ben manages, teeth chattering as pain strangles him. Every muscle in his body tenses._

" _For what? Broken bones happen." Father strokes his face. "You're gonna be all right, kid. Promise."_

_And then he's not a child anymore, he's an adult and his father's absence claws at him as he hears Father's voice call out. Ben!_

_"I'm here! Where are you?" Ben whirls around, heart thudding, wanting to block that voice because of the guilt that slams into him with each cry of his name, wanting to listen to it forever because he's so afraid he'll never hear it again._

_Instead he finds himself in a desert. On Jakku. A girl with three buns, about twelve years old, hauls herself out of a downed Star Destroyer, her leg broken too. The sun beats down on her as she drags herself to her speeder, hauling herself onto it and vomiting from pain._

_"What you brought me is worth… one portion," Unkar Plutt tells her._

_"How many portions can I trade for a splint?" Rey asks, eyes alight with fear as she sees several other scavengers eyeing her as if she's something they can take, now that she's injured._

_"Two. Come back tomorrow." Unkar turns away, and Rey flies back to her house, where she spends the night crying for the first time in years, crying from pain, from gnawing hunger, from the inescapable loneliness threatening to devour her._

_And Ben watches as Rey wakes up in the night, shivering from the desert cold, to hear several thuds that can only mean one thing. Someone's tried to break into her home and gotten caught in her trap._

_A Teedo. It snarls at her as she drags herself towards it. Let me out._

_"No can do," Rey retorts, her staff clutched in her hands. Perspiration leaks down her neck and her back like cold snakes. She spies something glinting in the Teedo's bag._

_"Give me what you have," she orders._

_The Teedo glares at her. Get away!_

_"You want to die in there?" she threatens. The Teedo has no choice but to hand over its goods. She'll have enough to get a splint in the morning. Maybe a meal too. She could take a day to rest._

_Let me go! the Teedo screeches as she crawls away. Rey doesn't bother to explain that she can only release him once she's safely locked in her home. And she does free him. And then she lies back down, clutching the doll she made two years ago to her chest._

* * *

"Ben! Rey!" Finn calls to them both. Rey's eyes open. When did she fall asleep? Wincing, she rolls out a crook in her neck.

"Force dreams?" Finn asks uncertainly.

"Kind of," Rey replies. She looks at Ben, who's still pale. "How're you feeling?"

"Alive," he answers, trying to cover up genuine gratitude with snark, but it ripples through anyways. Finn smiles.

"Glad to hear it," Finn says. "Your piloting lessons really paid off. Even Poe was impressed."

Ben cocks an eyebrow. "Thank you."

"Did you just say thank you?" Maz crows.

"You're never going to live that down," Finn warns Ben, winking as he leaves.

"Finn likes you now," Rey proclaims.

Ben meets her gaze, shaking his head. "Rey—you—I never realized how awful Jakku was." _Way worse than my childhood,_ she hears him thinking.

_I can hear you!_

_And you._ He shakes his head.

"Convenient," Maz comments. "That way I don't have to listen to your sweet nothings."

Rey giggles. "Jakku was—yours wasn't exactly wonderful either." For so many years, she thought that if she just had parents who loved her, her life would be complete. Now she sees that that was a mirage, a dream for a child. _Snoke was always targeting you, manipulating you._

 _And if he'd gone after me—if my parents hadn't been selfish enough to leave me—_ because she's angry at them, she is, and she doesn't want to pretend she's not anymore— _if he'd found me, I could have been like… like Kylo Ren. Like you. I realized that a few weeks ago._

"You could have chosen differently," he whispers.

She nods, feeling the weight of his responsibility, the weight of what he's done. "You still can," she insists. _Even if you can't erase the guilt. Let me help you._

"I love you," he chokes out, and Rey leans over him, pressing her lips against his.

"Why?" he asks her, and she closes her eyes, sharing over their bond. _Because you were willing to die to save m. Because I see myself in you, and you in me. Because you love and you have courage and you're compassionate._

* * *

"Leia?" Luke calls into the holograph. She appears, frowning.

"News?" she demands.

"We're on our way home," Luke tells her. "Mission was successful."

Chewie grumbles, but doesn't contradict. Luke doesn't want to offer details, not over holograph. For years Leia and Han believed it all Ben needed of them, Holograph is a poor substitute for in-person communication, and Luke won't give her the news until he can see his sister's face.

"Well, good," she says. "Details?"

"I really think it's best to wait, Leia. Suffice to say… we've got good intel on the First Order." Luke hopes.

"You can't get here soon enough," Leia confides.

Luke sighs. "What's going on?"

"There's just—a lot of friction here. Snap Wexley warned me that some pilots are thinking I've led them into nothing but destruction." Leia bites her lip. "Luke, I'm afraid they're right."

"They're not," Luke says instantly.

"Luke, you were here for only a few days. And before that you were gone for six years. How would you even know?" Leia shakes her head. "My choices got Han killed. If I hadn't asked him to—if I hadn't sent Ben away—"

"How tense is it? The situation?" Luke demands.

Leia shrugs. "Please bring me new that suggests we're not just fighting a hopeless cause."

"I will. I am. I promise." He hopes.

As Luke logs off, he exchanges a look with Chewie. Poe enters the cockpit. "That doesn't sound good."

"No," Luke states. "It doesn't." He doesn't want his sister to lose her fighting spirit. Even if they're fighting a hopeless situation, the Leia he knows would say it'd be worth it anyways.

"Maybe you should give your nephew the message," Poe says.

Chewie growls at the mention of Ben. Luke can't even imagine the pain the Wookiee went through, watching Han die. When Luke sleeps, nightmares still flare, taunting him with the death of his legacy, the deaths of people he loved and cared for.

 _Not entirely._ Not yet. Rey's still here, and even Ben. Maybe.

Luke remembers the time on Tatooine, when Ben was sixteen and _saved_ several of his friends from some particularly angry bonegnawers. The birds tore apart Ben's shoulder, along with his friends', and for the first time, Ben begged for his parents to come.

They weren't able to. Holographs were all they managed.

 _He was angry,_ Luke realizes now. _So angry, and I never realized it._ Because he was too preoccupied on what he wanted to do.

 _We're not that different,_ Luke thinks. Both he and Ben focus on goals.

Shuddering, Luke makes his way towards the medbay. Maz notices him approaching and nods in approval. She leaves.

Rey grips Ben's hand, Luke notices. _Oh, bother_. His nephew looks up at him, his face blotchy and pallid, eyes shadowed and lips cracked. Ben's jaw trembles.

" _Why?"_ Luke says. This wasn't how he wanted to start. _Dammit_. There's no going back. What he's even asking about, he can't pinpoint. All of it, he supposes.

Ben shakes his head, a sob escaping.

 _Crying won't bring back Han, or your padawans._ Neither will yelling.

"Thank you," Ben says.

"What?" Luke's jaw drops. Suspicion crawls up his spine.

"You didn't have—come after me. Thank you. I know—you saved me." Ben wipes at his eyes, struggling to sit up. Rey helps him, her eyes wide as she takes in the confrontation.

 _I love you, Ben. You're my nephew and…_ "I don't know how I'll ever forgive you," Luke tells him, voice shaking as faces and names flash through his mind. "But _you're my nephew_. I held you when you were days old. I'd never abandon you. Not again."

Ben shakes his head. "I'm so sorry."

"That's not going to bring them back," Luke says.

What would he have done if his father had survived the Emperor's lightning? If he had cried and begged forgiveness? Luke would have given it. Would Leia have? Why is Ben different?

 _Because you view him as your own failing_.

Luke's projecting, and he knows it. Because if he hadn't been interested in the Dark Side himself, he might have noticed something was wrong with Ben so much earlier. If he hadn't been so obsessed with the Light Side overcoming the Dark, he might not have gone on all those journeys with Lor San Tekka—if he hadn't focused so much on the past, on getting back to the past, if he'd focused on creating a future instead. So many lives would have been saved… but they weren't. They're gone.

Luke shakes his head and reaches out, hand landing on Ben's shoulder. "You will tell us everything you know on the First Order, won't you?"

Ben nods, eyes dropping to the floor. "I will."

"Good." Luke hesitates, and then a tear rolls down his cheek, and Ben's looking up at him like he's a boy again, confused and scared, with secrets Luke's afraid to pry into.

Luke wraps an arm around Ben, who stiffens. He takes his nephew's chin in his hands, searches his eyes and sees the same eyes he saw in his father's face during the moments Luke held Anakin Skywalker. But Ben's have more hope—they're alive. They aren't fading in death. "You're back."

Ben's jaw drops in shock as if he can't believe his uncle's showing so much forgiveness.

"Where's your lightsaber?" Luke asks. "I'm going to have to take it."

Ben shakes his head. "I don't have it. Hux took it."

"Probably for the best," Luke comments.

Ben nods, but something flits across his face. Regret. _Waste_.

"When do we arrive on Coruscant?" Rey inquires, leaning forward.

"Two hours," Luke answers.


	19. Chapter 19

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Are you really going to let him meet with his mother after what he did to his father?"

**You're scared, scared to see**

**Your mother there, in the door**

**You wonder where did the years go?**

**The Fray, "Where the Story Ends"**

* * *

Rey can feel the dread building in Ben. The urge to run. She takes his hand in hers and sits next to him. Neither of them says a word, but she lets her thoughts flow into his, and he drinks it up, resting his head against her—gingerly at first, and then without holding back.

BB-8 and R2 play Dejarik with each other. R2 wins and BB-8 spits a few choice words. Rey smirks.

"We all need to talk," Finn says as he marches into the medbay, Poe on his heels. Maz totters after them.

"Are we almost there?" Ben asks, straightening with a grimace. Rey squeezes his hand.

"Yup," Poe answers, dropping down on the padded bench. BB-8 rolls over to Poe and complains about R2. Poe laughs. "You'll win next time, BB. No, R2's not programmed to be smarter than you. R2's just older."

"We need to talk about our plan. For when we get there," Finn announces, taking a seat next to Poe as Luke and Chewie emerge.

_Oh, hell._

Rey can hear the fear roaring in Ben's mind, fueled by shame and guilt. He feels worthless, and Rey knows that dark, sticky feeling well.

Chewie won't even look at Ben. Maz sits next to Chewie, and Ben drops his head.

"I've spoken with Leia," Luke begins, and details the situation—the chaos and the uncertainty in the Resistance. "Our return will help. As will the information Ben has to give us."

"Did you tell her?" Rey asks.

"Not yet." Luke bites his lip. "We might have a problem in terms of that."

"What problem?" Ben asks. "I'm sure there are restraints on board. You can put those on me and the Resistance will—"

"Oh, shut up," Poe snaps.

Ben blinks. "Why?"

"Are you thinking _at all_ of your mother?" Poe counters.

"She's a general first. She always has been—a senator, a princess, a general—before she can be—"

"Yeah, and she's been through a lot," Luke points out.

 _I've put her through a lot, you mean_ , Rey hears Ben think.

"We have two options: one, we do as you suggest and drag you to some sort of cell. The problem is that might—have complications," Finn says.

"It wouldn't if you call Leia back now and tell her what's going on, Luke," Rey says.

"You really think people are going to be thrilled we're bringing Kylo Ren back?" Luke asks.

Good point. Rey glances at Ben. "So what's our second option? We hide Ben on this ship for awhile? That'll go over great when they see they've been deceived." Her words carry a bite to them. Luke winces.

"Or," says Finn. "We could call Leia and ask for her to meet us on landing base, with Snap or Jess or someone else who we can trust. And we can go to the rest of the Resistance and explain what's going on. And you can apologize to your mother." He meets Ben's eyes. "Or, you know, handcuffs are still on the table. If that's what you'd prefer."

Ben looks to Rey.

 _You know what you need to do,_ Rey thinks.

"I'll… meet with my mother," Ben says, gulping. Poe's eyebrows rise as Finn grins like Ben's a toddler who's taken his first steps. Luke nods, impressed.

Chewie roars. _Are you really going to let him meet with his mother after what he did to his father?_

Rey swallows. Her palms slicken against Ben's hand as she wonders what Chewie thinks of her now, if he still hates Ben.

Finn flinches, because even though he can't understand what the Wookiee said, he knows it wasn't good.

"He's still her son, Chewie," Maz interjects.

 _He's no one's son_ , Chewie snarls.

Poe and Finn shrug at each other even as Maz shakes her head and Luke moans. Cold spreads through Rey's chest as she turns to Ben, whose face freezes as if Chewie had stabbed him.

Except it wasn't Chewie. It was never Chewie. _It was me_ , Rey hears him thinking. And then there's a surge of burning rage, and Ben slams his fist into his own wounds.

"Cut it out!" Rey shouts, grabbing his wrist. He shakes his head as he looks at her, tears streaming.

_He's right. I don't deserve a second chance. Mother—I did kill Ben Solo. For Kylo Ren. What do I do—I'm so—_

"Han did touch his face as he fell," Finn says, voice shaking. "I saw it."

 _He forgave you, didn't he?_ Rey asks.

Ben shrugs.

 _He killed Han! When Han was just trying to—to—_ Chewie's heartbreak bleeds through his words.

"I _know!"_ Ben explodes. "I know. I know I don't deserve to be her son. _I know it_. I just—I'm sorry." He swallows, eyes glistening, aware, as Rey is, as everybody is, that words are futile. "She deserves to know that at least, I think."

Chewie storms away.

"Good thing you don't have to deserve to be related to someone to be related to them," Maz says as she rises. "You're always going to be her son, Ben Solo. And Han's, too."

"I don't deserve to be," he repeats.

"But you _are,"_ Maz reasserts. "Live up to that." And then she leaves after Chewie, and BB-8 rolls over to Ben, saying nothing.

"For what it's worth," Rey says in a low voice. "I'm glad you're doing this. If my parents were still alive and wanted to apologize, that's what I'd want."

"Would you forgive them, though?"

Rey shakes her head. "I don't know." She bites her lip.

"I have an idea," Finn announces.

"Oh boy," Poe says.

"Why doesn't Chewie stay on the _Falcon_ with you? When Leia comes," Finn suggests. "He might feel more—at ease."

Ben blanches. "He also might tear my arms out."

"I can talk to him," Rey says, jumping to her feet.

"He hates me with good reason," Ben mutters. "He loved my father. Better than I did."

Rey stares at the broken man before her, the man who willingly offered his life for hers, the man the Force has linked her to, the man she loves because he's courageous and sensitive and determined. _Please try_.

He bites his lip and meets her gaze, and through their bond Rey sees herself, and it's an image she hasn't ever thought. He sees a brave, intelligent, loyal, and kind soul in her—all things Rey's tried to be, and all things she's begun to fear she's not. "Okay," he whispers.

BB-8 purrs.

* * *

"Luke!" Leia runs to him. Finn grimaces at Poe. So far he doesn't hear any screaming coming from the ship, so presumably Chewie hasn't torn Ben's head from his shoulders yet.

"You two," Snap proclaims, stepping forward and shaking his head. And then he gives in, and wraps an arm around Poe and then around Finn. "Good to see you back."

"It's good to be back," Finn says, a lump growing in his throat. It _is_ good. This overwhelming feeling crashing over him—it lift him, it excites him, it sets everything right—is this what it feels like to come home?

Maybe he's being stupid, because he was barely on Coruscant. But the people—they're his family.

And Finn doesn't want to see them fracture.

"We've got lots to tell you," Poe says, shaking his head. "BB-8, come on."

The droid rolls down the ramp.

"Rey." Leia reaches for her, and Rey gives in to the embrace.

"I'm so glad you're okay," Rey ekes out.

"Future mother-in-law?" Poe whispers into Finn's ear. Finn smirks.

"I'm glad _you're_ okay," Leia says, clasping Rey's face in her hands and studying her. Rey lowers her eyes, tightens her fists.

"Um, Leia," Luke interrupts. "Chewie—he's still on the _Falcon_. He wants to talk to you. It's… important."

"We can debrief everyone," Poe adds. He glances at Finn and mouths: _I hope._

"All right then," Leia says, frowning. "I'll join you shortly."

R2 bleeps that it's happy to see her. Leia laughs.

"Leia," says Maz, beaming up at the woman, who tears up, no doubt remembering her husband.

"Let's go," Finn says. As they troop along, Finn notices Rey glancing over her shoulder, worrying her lip between her teeth.

* * *

Chewie grabs Ben by the throat the moment everyone's off the ramp. Ben gags. Everything within him urges him to use the Force, but if he does—it'll all be over.

 _Don't screw this up,_ Chewie snarls, releasing him. Ben falls to his knees, sucking in air.

He's spent the past hour rehearsing all the things he could possibly say, only to find that nothing suffices. His hands shakes, and Ben squeezes his fists together.

 _How about the truth?_ Rey's voice echoes in his mind.

Unfortunately, Ben's been so lost for so long that he can't quite decipher what's solid, what's true, from what's a lie, what's wishful thinking.

A clank. Another one. Footsteps— _her_ footsteps, coming up the ramp. Coming closer. Ben's face scrunches up as he stumbles back.

Chewie shakes his head and storms towards the ramp.

" _Chewie!"_ Ben hears his mother's voice cry out.

Chewie grunts, but he doesn't say anything.

 _Oh, hell._ This is it. Father's call echoing in his mind, his phantom fingers stroking Ben's face, bile surging up his throat, Ben steps forward. His throat's so tight he fears that if he speaks, his voice will shatter.

"They said you had something—"

She sees him. Her hair's more gray than brown now, worn braided atop her head, and her eyes—she recognizes him, still dressed in black, in his torn Kylo Ren robes, with a scar twisting his features. Her mouth opens in a small circle.

"M-Mother." He shouldn't call her that. He doesn't deserve to. But the word escapes regardless. "I—"

She runs at him, and Ben braces himself for a slap. Instead, she grabs him in her arms, clutching him to her like he's an infant. He gasps, looking beyond her, to Chewie, as if to reassure himself that this isn't a dream and Chewie still hates him.

Chewie shrugs and sniffs.

Tears leak down Ben's face. He sobs, wanting to hold her close, and yet afraid.

 _She's alive. She's alive_.

_And you are, too._

She pulls away, reaching up for his face. He tries to stop crying. It doesn't work, but she takes his wet face in his hands, his scar, and it reminds him so much of his father's final sacrifice. His chest feels like it's been torn apart. She doesn't hate him, and with every gesture, every glint in her eyes that screams nothing but love, he's reminded that she _should_.

"Ben," she whispers. "You came home."

He nods. "Mother, I—" He gasps, because the physical act of speaking—it's surprisingly painful. It skewers his throat. "I'm sorry."

She strokes his cheek. "I know."

"I didn't—I—he saved me." Because he did. In the end. If his father hadn't touched him like that—if he hadn't called out to him, reminded Ben that they missed him, that they loved him—would he have left? Would he have been desperate enough? Ben doesn't know.

"I knew he would," Mother whispers, tears spilling from her eyes.

He gulps, looking away for a moment, but there's nowhere else to look. "You don't hate me?"

"Of _course_ not, Ben." She sounds offended he would think otherwise. And then her voice softens. "What happened?" She takes in his bandaged leg, visible through his shredded pants, and his arm.

"I—" He sighs. "It's a long story."

"We've got time. Not much, but some." She takes his arm and guides him to the bunk. He sits. "What happened?"

Ben tells her about Snoke's orders, about how he never wanted her harmed— _see, now you see I'm scum, I didn't want you harmed, but Father_ —about how he went to find Rey, about rescuing Finn and Poe and escaping from the gangs Father was in debt to, about being captured and tortured. He doesn't play for pity, but her eyes mist anyways.

"And you?" he manages. "I heard—you were hurt."

"I was, but I recovered." Mother straightens, and memories swarm Ben. Memories from when he was younger, when he looked up to his mother and saw a beautiful, proud princess, braver than most of the warriors in the stories she told him.

"I'm willing to—whatever you need. Whatever the Resistance wants. I'll tell you everything. I promise." Not because he believes in the Resistance's cause, or the Jedi one—not completely, although now Ben's starting to wonder if they have more correct than he thought. Scratch that, he _knows_ they do. Compassion is worth centering his life on.

But compassion might still need order. But not the First Order. Not Hux. Not Snoke. "Snoke needs to be _stopped_."

Mother sighs. "Ben—I knew—all along I knew he was after you. Lor San Tekka warned me when I was pregnant that there would be some who would—try to take advantage of your powers. I didn't realize it was Snoke until it was too late—and then I thought—I thought Luke would help. I—"

"You tried," he says as he absorbs this information. She knew. And she tried. Imperfectly, but she tried because she cared, even if she didn't know how to save him. "I don't fault you for anything."

Because in the end, he's the one who ignited that lightsaber, and they both know it. Snoke knows it.

 _Snoke thought there would be no coming back from that,_ Ben realizes as he looks at his mother. _He thought she wouldn't want me._

But she _does_. Her compassion—it astounds him. _Sentiment's not weakness. It's strength._ Letting himself love frees him; it heals him of injuries he didn't know he had, it feeds him when he didn't know he was starving.

 _This is why you turned back, Grandfather,_ Ben realizes.

"You're home," she says again. "You're back." And there's a glimmer in her eyes, a certain curve of her mouth, that reminds Ben of the spunky hope his mother always exhibited.

He draws strength from that sparkle. She presses her lips to his forehead. "My son is home, Chewie."

Chewie snorts, but offers nothing negative.

"Tonight," Mother says. "You might have to face—it won't be easy."

"I'm ready," he says.

Her mouth trembles as she takes in his scar, his face, touches his hair. "You're home. You were lost, and now you're found."


	20. Chapter 20

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We've both lost so much time, Rey thinks, running her knuckles along the scar on his face.

"Kylo Ren?" cries out a hundred voices.

" _Ben Solo,"_ Finn insists. "Kylo Ren has been—well, he's gone." Somewhat.

To whatever extent anyone can really leave their past behind.

"Look, the point is, the First Order's falling apart," Poe says. "Well, maybe that's a slight exaggeration, but they're struggling. They're not as powerful as Snoke would like us to think. Their superweapon's destroyed, and guess who did that? We did. They tried to bomb us, and we escaped, most of us with our lives. They fight to avenge their weapon; we fight to honor our dead. And Kylo Ren or Ben Solo—whatever you want to call him—agrees that the First Order needs to go down. He's able to help us. I'm not saying we excuse him for his crimes. Not a bit. He personally tortured me and I haven't forgotten." Poe pauses, drawing in a deep breath. "But he's our best hope right now."

"How do we know he isn't tricking everyone?" Nien Nunb asks.

"Because he saved our lives," Finn says. "When we were captured. He could have left us all to die, but he helped Rey save our asses. And he sacrificed himself for us, so we could escape another—an unfriendly group of criminals. It's a long story." Finn scowls. "Suffice to say, I _do_ trust him."

"Even I do," Poe admits.

"And I do," Luke says.

"And me," Rey says.

"Why did _you_ leave?" demands Statura.

"I found out some disturbing information about my family," Rey tells him. "I needed time to think it through."

Luke clears his throat. "Statura, this is Obi-Wan Kenobi's granddaughter."

"What? Ben Kenobi?" Admiral Ackbar exclaims.

"Yes," Luke confirms.

"Is Ben named for him?" Finn whispers to Poe, who nods.

 _What._ Weird.

"I didn't even know he had a child!" sputters Ematt.

"Well, not many did," Luke says, turning to Rey with his brow creased. "Lor San Tekka and I tried to track them for a decade."

"And?" prompts Statura.

"We found out that they were part of a clan. A clan that was destroyed by the Knights of Ren." Luke launches into the explanation. Rey folds her arms across herself, lowering her head as Luke explains that her parents considered her dangerous and abandoned her.

"That's such bullshit," Poe mutters, releasing Finn's hand to stalk over to Rey and put an arm around her. Finn copies, and Rey starts to smile.

"Is the Force even worth it?" asks a pilot whose name Finn can't recall. "I mean—with everything that's happened—"

" _They're_ using the Force," Rey interrupts. "Snoke knows the Force. He's drawing on the Dark Side. We're drawing on the Light."

"It's an age-old battle, one I've seen in countless iterations during my thousand years," Maz agrees. "The Jedi are vital to the survival of the galaxy, and to freedom."

"The Force helped the Rebellion win against the Galactic Empire," Luke says, a wry smile on his face. "I would know."

"That it did," Ackbar confirms.

"So about Kylo Ren," says Lieutenant Connix. "What do we do with him?"

"Keep him in a locked room, like we did with the stormtroopers," Poe answers.

"Like you did with me?" calls one woman, standing next to Jess Pava. Finn's heart leaps.

 _There's hope. There's_ hope. No transmissions from anyone aboard the _Finalizer_ yet—but there _could_ be. Eventually.

* * *

Rey smiles as she watches Ben blink in shock when Leia, Luke, and Rey enter the room he's locked in. A few hours earlier, Chewie was the one who ushers Ben off the Falcon, sending a clear message of protection that made Rey's heart leap with hope.

"Any news?" Ben ventures.

"First, we're eating," Rey declares. "Leia says." She lays out a variety of nuts and fruits, plus some meat and grain dish that smells spice and sets Rey's stomach aflame.

"Yes," Leia tells her son. "The Resistance wants to hear from you in the morning." She hesitates. "There's so debate about restraints."

"If I wanted to, I'd snap them off," Ben says. "But I wouldn't," he adds. "If they want to use them, I understand."

"Good," Luke comments.

Ben clenches his fists and looks at Rey. He's confused.

"Why are you all here?"

"I told you. You're back. That's all I ever wanted," Leia tells him.

Ben's eyes water.

And Rey's mouth waters. She reaches for some of the nuts and pops them in her mouth. "These are _good."_

Ben laughs. "Sweet, aren't they?"

"They were always your favorite," Leia remarks.

Ben's jaw drops. "I can't believe you remember." _Or noticed,_ Rey hears him thinking.

"I wouldn't ever forget," Leia says.

Dinner is punctuated with pauses and moments of tension and clenched fists. But through it all, Ben keeps sneaking looks of wonder at his mother, and she keeps looking at him like he's not a murderer, but her baby. And Rey feels the drums in his mind: _I was wrong. This whole time, I was wrong._

Rage at Snoke flames inside Rey.

Luke and Leia eventually excuse themselves, to continue discussions with Ackbar, Statura, and the rest.

"I'll be right there," Rey calls.

"I'm not helping her case," Ben says sadly, the moment the door shuts behind his mother. "Her credibility—in front of the others."

"She's just glad to have you back."

"I'm glad to _be_ back," Ben admits, settling back on the cot, the only piece of furniture in the room. "With her, at least. But…"

"It will work out," Rey assures him.

"What if it doesn't?" He meets her eyes. "What if I said that I'm not sure we can beat Snoke, Rey? Because _I'm not sure_. I want to believe we can—I _hate_ him—but I _don't know_." Ben covers his eyes with his hands, and Rey sits next to him, studying the freckles and moles dotting his face, the way his shoulders shake.

"We can do our best," Rey says desperately. "We have to try."

"Even with Luke and you and me—the Light—I don't know if it's enough." Ben shakes his head and lowers his hand to peer into her eyes. "The Dark Side is powerful, Rey."

"Not powerful enough to snuff out all the Light in you," she reminds him, cupping her hand around the back of his head, burying her fingers in his soft hair. "It calls to you. It always has, and it always will."

"The Dark has too," he whispers.

"What if it's Snoke who made you believe that?" Rey counters.

"Maybe." Ben chews on his lip.

"We can do this, Ben," Rey insists, his forehead brushing her own. "We can. I can feel the Light in you." She puts her hand on his chest. "It's always been there. Let it in."

"Okay, Rey Kanata."

"Shush."

"What if there's not enough of it?"

"We have a bond, don't we? When you're scared and it's dark, look there. Look into my mind."

His thumb strokes her cheek, and he smiles as he searches their bond.

Rey closes her eyes as his lips sink to meet hers. This kind of kissing—it's frantic like the way she kissed him in the cantina, but slower in other ways, deeper. He's savoring her and she relishes the feel of his mouth against hers.

 _None of it was ever worth it,_ she hears him think. _Nothing could substitute…_

For this. For love, and acceptance. Rey remembers all her nights on Jakku, the nights she cried and imagined an ocean, and an island. Waiting for a family that would never come.

But Ben's here, in her arms, and his hands rove up and down her sides, and he believes she's worthy enough to die for. She sees his faults, his sins, and she knows them well, and she forgives him.

She held back for so long, hoping to resurrect a dream that wasn't even worth it in the end. But now she's moving forward. Rey leans back, pulling Ben with her until she's flat on her back and he's above her. Her arms wrap around him and she holds him, drinking from him as if she'll never get enough, and she wants all of him. His hand moves to her shirt and he pauses.

"Do you want to do this?"

She nods. "Yeah." And she feels in their bond that he's nervous, that he doesn't want to let her down, that—"You too?"

He shrugs. "Snoke didn't want distractions."

 _We've both lost so much time_ , Rey thinks, running her knuckles along the scar on his face. But he's here, right now, with her.

Ben shakes his head and reaches down, unbuckling his belt and pulling off his torn robes.

Rey spots the scar she gave him, on his shoulder, and the scar from Chewie's bowcaster. She pulls him close and traces them with her fingers, kissing his neck, his face. His fingers rove under her shift, lifting it over her head. His eyes widen as he takes in her body, not just with lust but with a sheen of hope.

 _I love you,_ she tells him, reaching up and lacing her fingers with his,

Ben looks at her with almost a smile on his lips, but not quite. He believes her now. Truly. Rey wraps her legs around his waist as she kicks her boots off, and when they meld together, Rey lets out a gasp, but it's not from pain. She only wants him, all of him—not just his body, but who Ben Solo is—she loves him, she wants to know him, and he loves and wants to know her, Rey Kenobi, the girl who once was just a scavenger, the girl whom he adores.

He holds her, and she grips his shoulders, neither of them speaking, their breaths syncing. Her eyes penetrate his, and Rey feels waves surging through her, tightening. She focuses on their bond, and he does the same, and Rey holds nothing back—none of her past, none of her emotions, nothing of what she believes or hopes or fears. His thoughts, his love, pours into her as waves crash and she starts to shiver.

He moans, and Rey hold him against her. He smooths strands from her face, and she kisses his lips. Neither of them speak, because they don't have to. Their hearts beat together, their thoughts merge.

Ben rolls off her. Rey presses her cheek against his chest, letting the images of an ocean, an island, stars above and the warmth of the man beside her pull her into sleep.

* * *

"Have a good night's rest?" Poe asks Rey the next morning as she scrambles to the room appointed to be the center of command. The equipment they have pales in comparison to what they had in D'Qar, but they can make do. Rey hopes.

Rey's cheeks pink, and she crosses her arms.

"I hope you did," Leia comments, a small smile on her face.

 _Oh shit, she knows._ She knows exactly what Rey and Ben were up to last night.

Leia squeezes Rey on the shoulder, and moves on to talk with Jess Pava and Lieutenant Connix.

"Hey, she approves," Finn remarks. He looks at Rey like he's happy for her, and Rey gives him a hug.

"What's that for?" Finn asks, laughing.

"For being my best friend," Rey answers. "And my first friend."

_You aren't unwanted. Not anymore._

"Here he is!" snarls a dark voice, and Rey jumps as Chewie and Luke escort a manacled Ben into the room. His head hangs, but he lifts it when he passes Rey, offering her a smile.

 _Stay strong,_ she thinks.

He nods as Luke halts him, keeping his hand on his nephew's shoulder.

"So," Ackbar begins. "Uh… you've decided to turn back to the Light."

Ben nods. Luke whispers something, and Ben clears his throat. "Yes."

"Why?" Ematt prods.

This, clearly, was not a question Ben was expecting. He shifts. "I saw—I—Snoke was wrong. About a lot of things."

"You're going to have to be more specific," states Statura.

"I didn't want to become who Snoke wanted me to become," Ben says. "Snoke was using me. As soon as I outlived my usefulness, he would have crushed me." He swallows, clenching his fists. "He wanted me to bring Rey to him. I told him I would, and I left. I fled."

Rey already answered questions the day before about what exactly went down when she agreed to travel with Ben.

"What did he want you to become?" asks Ematt.

Ben shakes his head. "I don't know entirely. Dark… like my grandfather. And I thought I wanted that too, but I—I couldn't."

"You murdered Han Solo," counters Statura, crossing his arms and regarding Ben with his chin jutting out.

"I did," Ben confesses, voice barely above a whisper.

Silence. It shrieks, shrill and deafening. Rey's pulse hammers in her eardrums. Tears roll down Leia's face.

"It was the worst—" Ben starts, before shaking his head. "He was trying to save me. I almost went with him—I wanted to, but—"

"But?" prompts Statura.

"But I was too selfish," Ben says. "Snoke told me before—when he found out my father had the droid—that I would have to kill him. That it would be a test. And he begged me to come home, and I stabbed him, because I didn't think there was a home to go back to—the sun went out, and everything was dark, and I thought the Starkiller had destroyed—it was too late to stop it. And I stabbed him, and I have no excuse. It was evil. It was wrong. I—I'll never forgive myself." Ben's voice wobbles. "But if I can make it right somehow—but helping you, as he would have wanted—I would be honored to help." He sniffs, and Rey realizes he's crying. The man who once masked himself so no one could read his expression, now cries openly.

"Well," says Statura, exchanging a glance with Ematt.

"What information do you have for us?" Ackbar questions. "About Snoke, about their plans—are they going to build a second Starkiller?"

Ben shakes his head. "Not that I know of. Admittedly, I wasn't ever really a part of that operation, so they could—"

"What operations were you a part of?" demands Statura.

"Lots of missions that Snoke would send me on… finding the last Jedi." Ben glances at Luke.

"Why did Snoke want the last Jedi?" inquires Ematt.

"He didn't exactly… he wanted to keep my uncle away from the Resistance because he's afraid of him. But he didn't much care otherwise. That was all me."

Rey stiffens. _Shit, Ben, you didn't have to admit that_. Finn rubs her shoulder.

Leia sighs. Chewie grumbles, as do most of the Resistance members.

"Snoke's afraid of the Light," Ben adds.

"Why is that?" questions Leia.

"I don't—I think he doesn't understand it," Ben says. "He thinks it's weakness." He swallows.

"What can you offer us about the First Order's military operations?" Ackbar asks finally.

Ben relaxes. "A lot." He dives into the details, and Rey relaxes.

 _We're going to be okay. We're going to figure this out_. She looks at Leia, still watching Ben with love, and Luke standing so straight, and Finn with his jaw set and Poe nodding, and a thrill shoots through her, from the top of her skull to her toes.

They've got the Light, and they've got a chance.


	21. Chapter 21

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben flinches. "I can't tell you what I don't know. I would tell you, if I did know."

"That's all for today," Ackbar announces, dismissing Ben. Luke takes hold of Ben's arm.

Mother's nodding at him. Rey—her love beats inside his mind. Even Finn gives him a smile, and Ben feels unexpectedly light, as if all the secrets he's been keeping inside have actually been poisoning him, and letting them out rejuvenates him.

"Master Ben!" calls a golden droid, a familiar golden droid that Ben used to tease mercilessly during his childhood, with Father's encouragement.

"3PO," Ben greets the droid.

"Oh," says 3PO. "It's so good to see you." Only sincerity rings in his voice. "You look so much like Han Solo."

"3PO," Mother intervenes.

 _I look like him,_ Ben thinks as Luke and Chewie lead him away. _But I'm nothing like him._

" _When I grow up," Ben murmured, age four and after a day spent watching his father bicker and outrun crooked shipping merchants, infuriating Mother for putting him in danger and exhilarating Ben. "I want to be just like you."_

_Father cradled Ben's head against his chest, saying nothing, but he didn't need to._

_What would you think of me now?_ Ben wonders as Luke opens the door to his cell. Which is really a room, but functions as a cell.

Chewie lets our a low growl, and then Ben feels a furry hand on his shoulder, spinning him around. Ben gasps as the Wookiee clutches Ben's jaw between his hand. All he'd have to do is squeeze, and Ben's head would pop.

But Chewie's eyes scan Ben up and down, absorbing his fear, his stilted breaths, his scarred face and the features passed down by his best friend.

He lets Ben go and slaps him. Ben gasps, thrown to the floor.

"Chewie, don't!" cries Luke.

But the Wookiee lunges and grabs Ben by his arm, hauling him up. Ben squeezes his eyes shut, expecting to find himself armless in all of two seconds.

Instead, Chewie wraps his arms around Ben, holding him close. _What the hell?_

And then Chewie pushes him away, turning at the door to address Ben, who clutches his knees and pants. _Make him proud._

"I'll try," Ben promises.

"You're off to a good start," Luke tells him, before closing the door.

However, being locked up is not ideal. Ben can only pace, tapping into his bond with Rey.

 _Lots of potential plans being tossed around,_ she reports.

_Let me guess. They're planning to blow Snoke up._

_Yeah, pretty much._ She's smiling. He can tell, and Ben leans back against the wall.

 _When they're done, I'll come down_ , she offers. _If you want me to._

Ben's face warms. _Yes. I'd like that_.

But when the door opens an hour later, it's not just Rey who enters. His mother, Poe, BB-8, and Finn all come.

 _This isn't what I had in mind,_ he thinks.

Rey narrows her eyes. _Be patient._

"When are you blowing Snoke's base up?" Ben questions, scrambling to his feet.

"That hasn't been determined yet," Poe says. "But—yeah. Soon." He clears his throat. "We're kind of going to need your assistance. We need to know schedules, what kind of scanners they have—"

Ben blanches. "I don't know that."

"What?" Finn's jaw drops. BB-8 makes a doubtful squeak.

"I don't know that," Ben repeats. "I do know that they have a fleet of TIE fighters, and pilots, there. They'll give you a fight like the one you had on the Starkiller."

"Where a lot of our best got killed," Mother mumbles.

Ben flinches. "I can't tell you what I don't know. I would tell you, if I did know."

"He's telling the truth," Rey confirms. "He doesn't know."

BB-8's head slumps.

Poe regards Rey, biting his lip. "Well, this Force bond thing does come in handy, I suppose." He turns back to Ben. "So what would you suggest?"

"I do think a bombing run is your best shot," Ben affirms, clenching his fists because he can't help them, he won't be able to tell them what they need to know, and now a lot of them could die. He won't be able to make his father proud, make things right. "But if you don't know the exact layouts—combined with Snoke's habits—and their scanners and their weaknesses—it might just amount to needless deaths."

Finn glances at Poe, his Adam's apple bobbing.

"How can you not know Snoke's habits?" Mother demands.

"Because he's not training me anymore, so I presume they've changed," Ben snaps, and instantly regrets it. "I'm sorry. I just—I don't know."

"Starting to sound like you're upset some of us might get killed," Poe comments.

"Of course I am. You all saved my life."

Poe's jaw drops as if he hadn't expected Ben to admit that so readily. "Well, then."

"I'll go over what I _do_ know with you," Ben says. "It just might not be enough."

"What if someone were to infiltrate the base?" Finn suggests. "Like we did?" He looks to Poe.

"Yeah, that worked out really brilliantly," Rey retorts.

"It's a risk, but if there's any success, it might lead to better odds," Finn points out. "That's all I'm saying. We risk our entire fleet on incomplete information, or we risk one or two men or women."

"Who would volunteer for that?" Ben snaps.

"I would," Rey says.

"No," Ben and Finn both say.

"Seriously, he'll sense you," Ben informs Rey. "He will."

"I would," Poe says. "And as a pilot, I'd be better. Maybe I can even damage some of their machines from the inside."

Finn cringes. BB-8 lets out a series of swears.

"Hush," Poe tells his droid.

"We'll talk about this as a group," Mother declares.

"Okay." Poe nods.

"Poe," Ben calls as he turns to leave.

"Yeah?" Poe puts his fists on his hips. BB-8 slides its head over to study Ben.

"I'm—I want to talk to you."

Rey crosses her arms.

"Shoot," Poe invites him, waving his hand. Mother pauses, and Finn raises his eyebrows.

Ben draws in his breath. "I'm sorry for hurting you. On Jakku. And on the _Finalizer_."

"You're sorry for torturing me?"

"I am." Ben remembers the man's screams, his attempt at defiance that Kylo knew would be futile in the end, the satisfaction he felt at getting the map combined with the prickles of guilt in his stomach as he watched Poe's face grimace, as he heard Poe scream. But in that moment, the map was all that mattered.

Now, _Poe_ matters. To Rey, to his mother, to Finn. To Ben.

"Do you have any idea what that felt like?" Poe demands, voice ragged. "How humiliating—how—"

He wasn't exactly expecting forgiveness from Poe, but Ben steps back nonetheless. Memories tear through his mind, of Snoke snaking through his innermost thoughts, pulling them out one at a time, Kylo knowing it was necessary but hating it and hating himself for hating it. He meets Poe's eyes.

Poe's jaw drops. "You _do_ know."

"What?" Mother asks.

"Why'd you do it then?" Poe asks, voice raw.

Ben shakes his head. "Snoke." Because I believed it was right, the ends justified the means. "I'm sorry."

Poe nods and steps towards Ben, sticking out his hand. "I think we've proven we've got each others' backs."

Ben takes Poe's hand and nods.

* * *

"What if I just made things worse for them?" Finn wonders aloud as Poe finds him pacing in the hallway. "Like if Hux found them—or decided to take his anger out on them—what if by trying to help I made things worse?"

"You did all you could to help," Poe says, leaning against the doorframe. "With the little time and little resources we had. No, it probably wasn't perfect, but you cared enough to try. Hopefully some of them will recognize that."

"And if they don't?"

Poe draws himself away from the frame and comes closer to Finn. " _You_ still left."

"I don't want to be alone," Finn confides as Poe wraps his arms around him.

"Have you talked to the others we have here? Jess says the woman's named Akka. Jess helped her pick it, apparently." Poe smirks.

"I probably should," Finn says, sighing. "I just—they're our only hope."

"What?" Poe pulls back, peering into Finn's eyes. "What do you mean?"

"I mean—even if we take out Snoke, if your bombing run is successful—there are others. Not Force users, but people like Hux who will take over. If they can't control the stormtroopers, though—"

Poe cocks his head, biting his lip as his hands trace the side of Finn's face. "I like how you think. Chaos from the inside."

Finn shrugs. "Basically, yeah."

"You are way to smart to be just a stormtrooper," Poe informs him.

"I _was_ the best in my class," Finn teases, but with a lilt of pride to his voice. He frowns. "And that's kind of the point. What other people—politicians, artists, the whole lot—are being forced into one mold?"

"It's wrong," Poe spits. "I mean—when you told me that you were called by that number, and not a name, I just—my heart kind of broke for you."

Finn snorts. "We were being shot at!"

"So?" Poe winks.

"So what did you decide about the bombing run?" Finn inquires, changing the subject.

Poe groans. "Nothing. We can't decide. Ben can give us more information tomorrow, but I believe him when he says whatever he offers us won't be much help. I'm betting Snoke has some bombing-proof bunkers, and it's not like the Starkiller. It's a planet, not a former-planet-turned-into-a-weapon."

"What if Ben went with you?"

Poe laughs, loudly. Finn doesn't.

Poe blanches. "Like Ackbar or Statura would have that. For that matter, like I'd have that. And if Snoke will sense Rey, won't he sense Ben?"

"Ben knows more about that planet than Rey does. He's _been_ there," Finn points out.

"Snoke will still sense him."

"That's a pretty good way to ensure that Snoke is where he needs to be when you bomb him. And no, I'm not suggesting Ben be there too… Ben will know the tunnels or roads or whatever the hell Snoke has to take to meet him, wherever he is. You bomb them when he's on his way."

Poe shakes his head, but Finn can tell he's mulling it over. "Like General Organa's going to have us using her son as bait."

"If Ackbar agrees, and he agrees, I don't see her opposing it." Although she'll cry, and Finn's heart hurts for that.

"Rey?" Poe prompts.

"Well, we're going to need another Force user to keep him in line."

"Yeah. Luke. Everyone's aware of the fact that they're in love. And what if we don't get to Snoke in time? It's going to be a big air battle, and he could easily get killed."

Finn shrugs. "Well, it's an idea. It's up to you what you do with it."

"I think it just might work," Poe says softly.

* * *

"I'm willing to do it," Ben says automatically two weeks later.

Mother scowls, and Rey looks stricken. Maz smiles at him and nods.

"Luke and Chewie will keep him in line," adds Poe. Luke nods, and Chewie growls.

"But, General—" protests C-3PO.

"You'll leave next week," Ackbar dictates. He shakes his giant red head, clearly not sold on trusting Ben.

Rey and Mother both wait until he's back in his cell before exploding.

"What is this about?" Rey demands.

"They asked me to help. I want to help." Ben clenches his fists. Do they still think being around Snoke will make him turn back to the Dark Side?

_What if it does?_

_It won't,_ Ben dismisses those thoughts.

"No, Ben." She glares at him. "Is this about helping the Resistance, or is about atoning?"

"Of course I want to atone—"

"Atoning by _dying_?" She glares at him, and in their bond, Ben sees memories of that woman, the only one who ever showed thirteen-year-old Rey some kindness, only to die in a dust storm. Rey found her body and dug a grave, missing a whole day of work, a whole day's food, just to try. In the end, the winds swept the grave apart, and her efforts meant nothing.

 _I'm not leaving you,_ he defends himself. _I'm not._

"Can you tell me you don't think you should die?" Rey asks, her voice shaking.

_Will you help me?_

_Yes. Anything._

A flash of red, and then the pain that felt as if a lightsaber were piercing his own heart, and yet he tried to ignore it, told himself this was it, he'd succeeded, he'd won.

_Thank you._

And the moment Father fell, Ben knew he might as well have fallen into the abyss.

"Oh, Ben," Mother groans.

"I killed him! Of course I deserve to die!" Ben cries out. His fists slam into his cot, swing towards his thigh, his scar, but he stops and crumples.

"You have people to live for!" Rey screams at him. "You have your mother! You have _me!"_

_Aren't I worth it?_

It's an unfair question to ask, but it's unfair of him that she has to ask it.

"Rey," he says, and she shakes her head, eyes flashing.

"Ben," Mother says, reaching for him.

"I want to do this," he insists, knowing he'll sound selfish, but he doesn't want to hide it. "I need to—Snoke—he can't continue on or _it will never stop."_

"The First Order?" Mother questions.

"Not just the First Order—the stormtrooper program, Hux, the Dark Side—Snoke dying won't end it, but it will help." Ben shakes his head.

" _Kill him," Snoke ordered, as Agar, one of the newest knights of Ren, cowered on the ground. Agar fled at a major battle in the outer Rim. They lost Luke's lightsaber because of it—because of a pirate woman who stole it._

" _He had a moment of fear," Kylo insisted. "He's still committed to our cause—he's—"_

" _Proven himself unworthy," Snoke hisses._

" _We can still use him. I know it," Kylo counters._

" _And I," Snoke returns. "Know the Force better than you, Kylo Ren. Or have you forgotten?" He turns to another knight. "Shiv?"_

Dammit _. Kylo ignites his lightsaber and swipes down, ending a promising life—or two._

"Snoke's a monster," Rey whispers.

"I have to stop him," Ben whispers.

" _Haven't I given you everything?" Snoke roared when he wanted Ben to wipe out Luke's temple. "Do it now, or I'll do it, and you'll be among the casualties. Don't think you can protect them, or that you can dissuade your uncle from traveling. He wants that piece of the map, and he'll get it."_

_When the Knights of Ren showed up then, sweat soaked Ben's tunic. He'd been training for thirteen years for this—and now it was all going to die. It deserved to, he knew that, but still—_

"It's what Father would have done," Ben offers at last, meeting Mother's eyes. "You know it's true."

She rushes to him, holding him close, and Ben holds her, his mother, the woman he swore was a liar for deceiving him about his heritage, the woman Snoke assured him did not love him as much as she loved her job, turning Ben into the very thing that he mistakenly thought hurt him. "Come back. Make sure you come back."

"I'll try," he promises his mother.

Rey stands to their side, and Ben reaches for her, his fingers brushing her face. "Don't be afraid."

"I'm allowed to be afraid for you," she retorts, but then she leans in and kisses him, not caring that his mother's watching. Her lips plunge into his, and her hands grip his hair.

Mother sniffles, and Ben looks at her. Surely she knows he doesn't deserve Rey—and yet she looks at them both like they're gifts.


	22. Chapter 22

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "You really think we can do this?" breathes Lieutenant Connix.
> 
> "I think we've got a chance."

The night before they leave, Rey sneaks into his room.

"I do have to leave early," Ben warns her.

Rey blinks as if suddenly insecure. "Well, if you want me to go, I will."

"No. I don't." Ben grabs her by the wrist and tugs her close to him. _Please don't think I don't want you. I do. I_ love _you_. Her body presses against his own, her arms entwining around his head, her mouth hungry, devouring his as if this is their last chance—and it might be.

It also might not be, and Ben can't think about that now. Not when she's here, and the lights are out so he can't see her, but his hands run down her curves as they both shed their clothing, the curves he's starting to know, and he can't believe this might be the end. No matter how he deserves it. _She_ doesn't deserve that.

"I love you," she whispers.

"I know," he responds, hearing his father's voice in his words. What if she thinks it's a strange response?

Judging by the way she pries his shirt over his head, he doubts it. Ben lifts Rey up, his muscles winding and his heart pounding. Their bond sizzles and sparks. "Rey," he groans. _I love you_.

Her small body beneath his, she starts, and they move together, their own dance. Her lips explore his chest, his shoulders, his neck. He tastes her throat, her breasts, her navel. They fit together, their bodies and their souls and their hearts, light and dark stirring in both of them, both making their own choices, writing their own stories, plodding their own paths. But not alone, not anymore. Together. _You and me—we help each other._

 _You do help me,_ she answers, her hips grinding into his.

She gives him hope, a new life, and for some reason, he gives her hope too, and he doesn't deserve it but she lets him give her hope. They let each other in.

When they both finish, sweat drenching Ben's hair and Rey shivering, she curls up against him, her breathing going from frenetic to soft, gentle puffs against his naked skin. His fingers traces her face, cup her hair around her head, and he looks at her like she's something precious, something worth everything.

"I'll come back," he promises, fingers rubbing against her shoulders. He kisses her on her forehead, stands of her hair sticking to his lips. "Don't be afraid. I promise. I'll come back."

"You better," she teases, but there's a catch in her voice, as if she's afraid to believe it.

Ben rests his head atop hers. _We'll make it. We will._

* * *

"You gonna be okay?" Finn asks Rey as they watch the _Millennium Falcon_ , along with a fleet of X-wings, fly away.

"Are you?" she questions.

Finn wraps an arm around her, and she leans her head against her friend.

"It's so strange," Rey admits. "For so long I only cared about phantoms—my parents, and they weren't even really—they didn't care. And now I _love_ Ben, and I love Poe and you too because you're my friends, and Luke's not been perfect but he's trying, and that's more than my parents ever did." She swallows. "I always—when I thought of them coming back, of having a family, I didn't picture myself being so afraid."

"It is scary," Finn admits.

"How does Leia do it?" Rey wonders aloud. "She's astounding."

"Thank you," interrupts Leia from behind them. She gives them a kind smile. "But I'm afraid too. He's my son, and Luke is my brother."

"I love your son," Rey blurts out.

"I know," Leia says, reaching out and putting her hand on Rey's shoulder. She shakes her head, as if she doesn't quite understand, as if she worries for both of them.

 _Because we're both bruised and broken people,_ Rey thinks. She feels Ben in her mind and swallows. _But we strengthen each other._

"What was it like for you, when you found out what he'd done?" Rey asks. "At the temple?"

Leia closes her eyes as Rey's words, undoubtedly, stir up memories she'd prefer to leave buried. "I was devastated," she admits. "I thought—I was—Luke, my brother—I was angry, for a few seconds, but then I just wanted him back. And Ben—I wanted him back too. I was furious at what he'd done, yes, but he's my son and I've always loved him, Rey. I tried to track them down—both of them. I went to Tatooine to find them all, to see the burned temple. Han came with me."

Rey tenses, her mind aching as Ben no doubt hears this. _You need to. You need to know how much you need to come back_.

"When we couldn't track them—Han left. Said he'd be back in a few months. He stopped contacting me after six, because every time we talked, we fought. We heard of Kylo Ren, and—" Leia covers her mouth. "And I was so angry at myself. I knew Snoke wanted our child. I knew the Dark Side—someone on it—wanted him from before he was born. Maz warned me."

"Maz?" Finn echoes, his jaw dropping. Rey's heart skips a beat.

"She warned me that our child had great potential for good, and for evil. Han scoffed and said that he hoped the baby wouldn't even have the Force. I knew he did, though. I always knew. I sent him to Luke, because Luke resisted the Dark Side and I hoped…" Leia shakes her head. "But it's all—he's back now. And that's all that matters to me. I know what Kylo Ren has done. And I know that Ben's got both the Light and the Dark."

 _His choices define him, though,_ Rey thinks. "I have that potential too, don't I?"

"Well, Ben's named for your grandfather… and your grandfather was my father's Jedi master," Leia confirms.

Rey looks at her hands and clenches one, watching the muscles tighten, the veins slide around under her pale skin. _If we strengthen each other—_

 _We don't have to give in to the Dark,_ he finishes.

Rey smiles to herself. Their communication through their bond is becoming stronger, more secure, as her powers take root in her and nourish her.

"What was he like?" she asks. "Obi-Wan… Ben."

"He was, at my worst moment, my only hope," Leia answers, smiling. "And he brought Luke to me. And Han, when… my father had captured me."

"It's still hard for you to call him your father, isn't it?" Rey asks. Finn watches in sympathy.

Leia shrugs, her eyes wet. "I wish I'd started calling him my father sooner."

* * *

Silence encapsulates the cockpit of the _Falcon_. It slathers Poe in awkwardness until he can't stand it any more. "So. Lots of memories here?"

 _Wrong question._ Poe glances over his shoulder to see Ben's mouth tighten in a grimace. "Sorry. I wasn't trying to get a rise out of you."

Ben raises his eyebrows.

"You don't believe me?" Poe hopes throwing a joke will listen the mood.

Ben smirks. _Success_ , Poe thinks.

"Did your parents teach you how to fly?" Ben inquires.

 _Or not_. Poe shakes his head. _Why do you always have to twist things around_? Unless he's genuinely curious. Which Poe supposes is possible. "Yeah. My mom did, until she died."

" _Shara, the kid's only six, don't let him grab the controls—"_

" _Oh, relax, Kes, I'm right here. I'll grab the controls before we crash." She winked at Poe. And then he was flying—their ship soared above the verdant forests of Yavin 4, the lunging and jagged mountains, the crystal lakes._

" _Good job!" Mother encouraged him. Even his father whooped. "You're gonna be the best pilot the galaxy's ever seen."_

"How old were you?"

When she died? When Poe found his father sobbing on the floor, and his father didn't even need to say the words, because Poe knew only one thing would break his father like that, so Poe did the only thing he could: run to his father, put his arms around him, and cry with him. "Eight."

"I'm sorry." Ben's voice wobbles with sincerity.

"Thanks." Poe leans forward. "Still miss her." And his father. Both of them should have lived longer. At the same time, their lives and deaths taught Poe to banish fear, to fight for what he believed in, and those beliefs brought him here, to the Resistance, to Leia, by an extent to Finn. "How about you?"

"What?"

"Your father. Did he teach your how to fly this thing?"

"Yeah." Ben almost laughs.

"You used the Force, didn't you," Poe states.

Even Chewie starts to guffaw.

"Only when I couldn't reach something," Ben answers, face red.

"Hey, if you have it, you might as well use it," Poe affirms.

"My father wasn't pleased."

"Really?" Poe frowns. Han Solo married Leia. He was best friends with Luke. Why wouldn't he be okay with his son using the Force to improve?

 _Thinking your parents won't approve of you, or don't approve of some aspect of you…_ Poe swallows. He can imagine how isolating that could be. Which, combined with Snoke's influence… _fuck_.

Poe thinks of planting vegetables with his mother in her garden, and watching them grow more vibrantly than anyone else's, influenced by the Force tree in their yard. _That's what Snoke did to you, isn't it? Planted seeds and knew they would grow eventually, with the right push and in the right atmosphere._

Ben, Rey, Finn—they've all been pawns. But they aren't pawns. They're people, and dammit, all three of them are now people Poe cares about.

Ben rises and leaves the cockpit. Luke hesitates and Poe narrows his eyes at the man.

Luke follows Ben, and Poe nods with satisfaction.

* * *

"What are you doing?"

Ben cracks his eyes open. "Talking to Rey."

"So you've figured out how your bond works."

"In a sense." Ben shrugs as his uncle comes closer. R2 bloops and rolls over, asking if Ben wants to play Dejarik.

"Not now," Ben tells the droid with a smirk. R2 insults him and rolls towards the cockpit.

Luke sits in silence with Ben, and it's strange how it feels like bacta to him. And yet Ben wonders how Luke feels, sitting next to the man who destroyed his dream.

"When you tried to convince Vader to come back to the Light," Ben starts. "Did you think he could? I mean, what did you think would happen to him, after he cam back? If he did?"

Luke's bushy eyebrows climb his forehead. Clearly he wasn't expecting that question. "I—well, I don't know. I didn't think beyond the simple fact that I wanted my father—I wanted him back, even though I'd never known him. I had this image of Anakin Skywalker in my mind my entire life, and judging from what I've heard, some of it was right and some of it was wrong, but—no matter what, I wanted to have a chance with him." Luke shrugs.

Ben sighs.

" _It was for your own protection, Ben," Luke insisted. "Your mother didn't want me to tell you."_

And all of his other padawans—they all looked at him like he was either a monster or, for those with an interest in the Dark Side as well, a savior. And Snoke—Snoke had been right all along. Snoke had always been there. Snoke cared, Snoke knew.

And Snoke crushed him. Fury rises to grab Ben's esophagus with its coal-red hands.

When he betrayed Luke, when he murdered the other Jedi trainees, he thought only of his grandfather and of Snoke. And now—would Vader have served Snoke? Surely Anakin Skywalker wouldn't have.

And his mother—when Ben let the Dark Side in, he thought about how she hated his grandfather, how clearly she feared he would be just like him. He couldn't turn back to her, no matter how much he loved her, because she wouldn't accept this darkness.

"Your mother—having this chance with you," Luke says. "It means everything. And to me."

"I'm still angry," Ben admits. "Still afraid…"

_Don't be afraid. I feel it too._

* * *

"Finn, get over here!" Brance calls.

"What?" Finn's lunch leaps and plunges inside his stomach. "Did something happen with Poe—"

"Nah, nothing to do with them. Although it could affect them." Brance leads him over to several scanners. "Lieutenant Connix just got an interesting piece of intelligence."

"Mm-hm," Lieutenant Connix confirms. "There are rumors of dissension in the First Order."

"Like with the stormtroopers?" Finn asks, blood flowing through him. _Please be so. Please._

" _Yes_ ," Brance says excitedly. "Apparently there was some sort of coup on a Star Destroyer, and the First Order is sending more troops to deal with it, because it's gotten out of control—"

"Then they'll all die!"

Brance winces. "Maybe not. They can fight—"

"Dammit, I know they can, Jess. But wouldn't it mean a lot—wouldn't it help—if we showed up and helped them stave off whatever reinforcements they want to send?"

"What it we all die?" Lieutenant Connix demands.

"What if we don't?" Finn asks. They're important. The stormtroopers—all these people who never had a chance to decide for themselves—they deserve their chance. Just like the Resistance deserved their chance when Han and Chewie and Finn flew into the STarkiller Base at lightspeed.

"I do agree," adds 3PO.

"Tell the General we want to speak with her immediately," Finn instructs the droid.

"You really think we can do this?" breathes Lieutenant Connix.

"I think we've got a chance."


	23. Chapter 23

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Are you so sure?" purrs a voice that comes straight from Ben's nightmares. The voice that's always haunted him.

"No offense, Ben, but this planet looks nothing like I'd expect a Dark Side lord to live on," Poe remarks as they disembark. A river, brown and frothy, swirls nearby, and trees with their gold and flame hued leaves splay overhead, trying to block a sharp blue sky.

But the shrill _zooms_ of dozens and dozens of ships taking off reminds Ben of where they are. Though where the ships are headed, he can't fathom.

"Snoke's not like any Dark Sider who's ever existed," Ben returns, his boots sticking in the tawny mud. He never appreciated this planet's beauty before, though. Before, he only focused on Snoke and what he could do for his master—because that might as well be what Snoke was.

"Right," Luke says as some kind of animal calls out, a thin wail that splices Ben's brain, reminding him of his promise and the task before him. "So Ben and I will sneak as much as Snoke will let us—I'll get the tunnel systems map, and Ben will—"

"I'll lure Snoke to where he needs to be. You need to coordinate with Poe," Ben says.

"Chewie and I will be waiting," Poe affirms gruffly. He rubs his hand through his hand. "Good luck."

"Thank you," Ben says quietly. This could be the last time he sees Poe… and not just because his own life is on the line. Because so many Resistance pilots are going to die. They are.

_Please not Poe._

What right does he have to ask that, to wish that? It's war, and war is cruel and merciless. Months ago, Ben would have agreed that it was necessary. Lives meant little in the face of order, of ultimate power that could right all the wrongs in the galaxy, ensure no one starved even on desert planets like Jakku, no Jedi taught kids who should have been with their parents, ensure that evil was punished.

He was so foolish to think that sowing evil, imposing death on people who didn't want it, who craved life instead, could reap hope.

Snoke's responsible, and he's nearby. The hair on Ben's arms stands up. "He knows."

"Well, we—" Luke begins, but Chewie bounds off the _Falcon_ roaring and howling, drowning out Luke's words.

"What?" Ben squeaks out.

 _The rest of the Resistance is heading to find the Finalizer_ — _fight off reinforcements._

"Oh my—" Luke groans.

"No!" Ben cries out. _Rey!_ _Mother! Finn—_

He looks to Poe and sees the pilot gripping his knees, regarding Chewie with a haggard face, mouth open and brow creased

"How can they—"

"They can do it. They have to," Luke opines. "You should know that your mother wouldn't leave stormtroopers—and Finn—"

"We need to go to them. They don't have enough—"

"No!" Poe snaps himself out of his daze, lunging and Ben and gripping his shoulders. "This is how we win. We defeat Snoke, you hear? Then they'll lose—they'll lose—"

"What, _hope?"_ Ben snarls. "Hux will just—"

"I think we should send part of our fleet to them," Luke says quietly.

"What would the General say?" Poe wonders.

"I think she'd trust you to make that decision, Dameron," responds Luke.

Poe clutches his forehead. "Okay. Okay, I'll tell Snap to take a fourth of our fleet and send them towards the _Finalizer_ —hey, they give you coordinates?" he calls to Chewie, who nods. "Great. And the rest of us will stay here." He tightens his grip on Ben's shoulder, fingers digging precisely where Rey scarred him. "We're counting on you. We _have_ to take this bastard down."

 _It's our best shot,_ Ben realizes. Because if Snoke dies… maybe other stormtroopers will start to rebel. It's all they can hope for. He nods.

He watches the _Falcon_ fly away, vanish into the atmosphere, with the same sour pinch in his stomach that he felt when his parents left him with Luke on Tatooine. Somewhere, up there, a squadron of X-wings lurks, hopefully far enough away to avoid the First Order ships.

R2 bloops from beside Luke, promising to disable as many TIE fighters as it can. Ben smiles, but it's painful.

 _Be safe, sweetheart,_ he thinks.

No response. He scowls.

One more death. Snoke's.

And hundreds of others, hundreds of others who could instead be assisting Rey and Mother and Finn.

Ben bites his lip and clenches his fists, following after his uncle.

* * *

"Are you for real, Poe?" Finn groans.

"How much of their fleet are we getting?" Leia asks.

"Only a fourth."

Rey tightens her grip on her lightsaber.

"How are we going to know where to attack?" asks Akka, no doubt thinking of her—did she have friends? Rey wonders.

"I'm presuming they don't have the contact devices anymore," Rey puts in.

"We do the best we can," Leia says. "No attacks on the actual Star Destroyer."

"Just approaching ships," Finn confirms. Leia smiles at him with a motherly expression.

A shot rings out near them. Connix grabs the blaster guns and swallows.

"You can do this," Finn encourages her, and Rey smiles as she hooks her lightsaber to her waistband, grabbing her own weapon. _We can do this._

She sees Leia out of the corner of her eye, readying herself. _I'll take care of your mother, Ben,_ she thinks. _Although I suspect she can take care of herself._

_You're going to kill people. Including stormtroopers._

Rey hates it, but she doesn't know what else to do. She wants to live. She's always wanted to live, so she told herself killing didn't matter, but it does. It does.

She knows other stormtroopers, trapped on that ship, want to be free. Rey can only imagine if the truth about her family had hit her while she was still on Jakku. She'd be desperate to get off, leave, go— _anywhere_. She'd do anything, and she'd be pissed as all hell because she spent her life cowing to a lie.

She's still angry. Rey grits her teeth. _Why, Mother? Why, Father? Why?_

 _I'm not too much trouble. The Force isn't too much trouble._ Rey swallows and aims. _The Force will guide me._

She sees a ship on the scanner, approaching the Finalizer with the intent of boarding. _I'm so sorry,_ she thinks.

The fire at them, and Rey shoots the blasts down, aiming around them, blocking them from being able to approach the _Finalizer_.

She doesn't shoot them down. Not yet. She doesn't want to have to.

* * *

"If they were hurt, you'd know," Luke reassures Ben.

Ben strains, trying to reach Rey. He can feel her beating in his mind, but his own anxiety—it strangles her sweet presence. And with every passing second, he fears that everyone he's grown to care for, all the people who care for him—they're all going to die.

_And if I hadn't turned to the Dark in the first place…_

_You can't know,_ he insists to himself. _You can't know what would have happened_.

"There someone is," breathes Luke.

Ben thrusts his arm out and freezes the person, clad in chrome reflecting the sun, walking through an air field of TIE fighters. "You've got to be kidding me."

"What?" Luke wonders.

"I have a bad feeling about this," Ben tells him as he approaches a livid Captain Phasma. She might not be able to speak, but her eyes spark. If she could, she'd probably spit at him.

"Fancy seeing you here," Ben informs her. "Not dealing with the stormtroopers rebelling on the _Finalizer_? How curious."

Luke frowns and walks closer. Ben loosens the Force, allowing her to speak, but not move.

"For your information," Phasma seethes. "I _was_ there. Orders were to pull out and—"

"Give them up?" Ben sneers.

"No. Get reinforcements—"

"Then why aren't you with them?" Ben snarls, panic pumping through his veins. _Rey_.

"I don't answer your questions, _traitor_."

Everything coursing through Ben urges him to draw from his pain, sink the Force into her mind and dig and dig around until he latches onto her answer. But Luke's shaking his head, and the Dark—Ben won't give into it again. He can't.

 _You don't have to. It's a part of you._ Ben shudders.

"You're letting us in," Ben orders, nodding towards the stony mountain that isn't a mountain at all. Inside it, destruction brews for the entire galaxy.

"Not this time," Phasma growls.

"You don't have a choice," Luke says, igniting his green lightsaber. Ben misses his own. His hands clench.

"Why is it always me?" Phasma cries out. "I'm supposed to—I believe in the First Order, I _need_ it to succeed—why—"

 _Because you love your own life too,_ Ben thinks. _And that's no sin._

_And maybe, just maybe, you don't believe in the First Order as much as you want to._

"They'll know you're here," Phasma insists. "He'll know _you're_ here." She looks pointedly at Ben.

"I don't care," Ben says. "I _want_ him to know."

"I don't understand," Phasma snaps. "You had everything. You were his second in command—Hux was jealous and you threw it all away. You _believed_ in the First Order, I know you did—why—"

"Because I missed my family," Ben says, voice trembling. "Because I still felt the Light. Because—" _Because I fell in love with Rey. Because I realized my father loved me all along, and my mother too. Because I don't want to be Kylo Ren._

"You think establishing a new, faulty Republic will—"

"I don't know what will happen, or even what I want to happen," Ben says. "All I know is that the murdering five planets isn't going to bring any kind of peace worth keeping."

"We could have destroyed the Resistance—"

"Yeah right," Ben snaps. "People will always fight when they're told what to do." If they're strong. And for so long, he wasn't, because he let Snoke crush him, because he thought it was for the best. He thought that by breaking, he could become stronger.

And it could have worked, except that Snoke was no potter, and he was more than clay. He's scarred and broken, but still a person, and he's still got the Light.

"Get us inside your bunker," Luke says. "And we'll let you go."

Ben casts Luke a skeptical look. _Trust me,_ his uncle's eyes plead.

"Fine," Phasma acquiesces.

* * *

"I need to get on board that ship," Finn yells as Rey yanks their ship into a spiral to avoid cannon fire.

"Why?" pants Leia.

"I might be able to help them—if we can come up with a plan to get the ventral cannons away from the control of the officers, we can—"

"Do you have a plan?" Rey hollers.

"I have bits and pieces!" Finn calls back. Rey rolls her eyes but grins as she rights their ship.

"And how do you propose to get—" Leia starts.

"An escape pod—"

"Won't you be blown out of the system?" shouts Connix.

"Not with the cover you guys can provide!"

"Um, I'm not sure I have that much confidence in us!" she retorts.

"You _can_ do it," Finn tells her, heart thumping. "I know you can." Her eyes swim with fear, but as she looks at him, she nods.

"Okay, General Finn," Leia says, grasping him by the arm. "Make sure this works. Don't make me have to explain to Dameron that something happened to you."

"In all fairness, General," Finn says. "You made us have to tell Luke Skywalker that something happened to you." He frowns. "Hey! Did you just call me _general?"_

"Oh really, you're shocked?" Rey drawls, unclipping her lightsaber. "You aren't going alone. I know you're a damn good shot, Finn, but you need a Jedi too."

"But with the Force—"

"If we need to Force, I have it, even if I haven't trained as much as Luke or Rey or my son," Leia points out. "Get going, quickly."

* * *

_Ben?_

_Rey,_ he thinks in relief as Phasma leads them inside the mountain. _What are you—_

_You don't want to know. Just—stay alive, okay?_

You too, he thinks, life and hope pulsating through him with the sound of her voice. _Promise me._

_I promise._

Stormtrooper footsteps sound, and Ben yanks Phasma into a side corridor.

"Now you're in," she hisses. "What do you need me for? Lowering the shields or—"

"Not this time," Luke puts in. "Where can I find the layout of this place, Ben?"

Ben gives him directions. "Take her with you. It won't look as suspicious that way. And tell Poe to hit the northern edge with everything he's got. I'll get out in time. I promise." _I promised Rey._

"You said you would—"

"We're going to let you go," Ben insists. "Just—not right now. And you'll be able to contact Poe from there, Uncle."

Luke nods. "Good luck."

"May the Force be with you," Ben tells his uncle.

Luke's lips curve. "May the Force be with you, also."

The Dark energy slaps at Ben, trying to saturate him as he hurries away. _No. No._ He tries to focus on Rey, on his uncle's quiet forgiveness, on his mother. _Not this time. You don't own me, Snoke._

"Are you so sure?" purrs a voice that comes straight from Ben's nightmares. The voice that's always haunted him.

 _I'm not where we need to be_ , he thinks wildly, so he does the only thing he can, the thin g he should have done years ago, although it would have been hopeless because Snoke would have followed. And now that factor—the determination that made it hopeless for him as a child, is his only hope.

He runs.

* * *

"Okay," Rey breathes as they enter through the same shaft they rescued Ben from. Or, at the very least, it's indistinguishable from it. "We can do this."

"Yes, we can." Finn grabs Rey's hand and pulls her up through the gusting winds.

The first people they see are crouched down, firing blasters. Finn pushes Rey to the side.

"Friend or foe?" Rey gasps.

"I think both!" Finn peers around the corner, Rey behind his shoulder as she watches two people, two women, both in stormtrooper armor but with their helmets off, face off against two stormtroopers with their helmets on. A blue blaster bolt flashes towards one of the unmasked women, and Rey leaps out, channeling the energy she finds in her bond with Ben.

"Hey!" shouts one of the masked stormtroopers as one woman gapes at Rey, and the other picks the other stormtrooper off.

Finn fires from behind her, sending the other stormtrooper skittering down the hall.

"You!" shouts one of the women, the one Rey saved. Her face is freckled and her hair light, and she's at least ten years older than Rey. But she's addressing Finn. "How—"

"We want to help you," Finn reiterates.

"Well," says the woman. "Come on, then."


	24. Chapter 24

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "I don't want to talk in circles with you, Snoke. I'm not getting caught in your trap." Luke ignites his lightsaber.

The crowd erupts into a cheer when Finn enters. _For me?_ He gapes.

Rey crosses her arms and smirks.

"FN-2187!" cries a familiar voice.

Finn gasps as Zeroes, one of his old training buddies—the only surviving one—rushes towards him, not with pride or animosity, but with a crazed sense of excitement riddling his face.

"Um, it's Finn now," he manages. "You, uh, took my message seriously?"

"Kind of," Zeroes says. "I mean, I'm the one who—knew you best, you know? And after your message, they searched and found all theses contact devices, but a few tried to hide them, and Hux was so angry he executed them all."

_Shit. Those deaths are on me._

_But they died in defiance,_ Finn reminds himself.

"And then they started cracking down, searching all our belongings, insisting we all undergo reconditioning, which we didn't think was fair because we hadn't done anything, we were loyal—and ironically that showed us that we shouldn't be loyal. We hadn't done anything, and they were hurting us, and we wouldn't have cared, except it was all of us—and I kept thinking of you, all those times you would help Slip and stuff—and we decided to fight back. Hux tried to ship a bunch of us off and we revolted, and it kinda spread." Zeroes shrugs. "It's been almost a week, and they can't get us under control."

"And they won't!" adds a woman with dark hair and olive skin.

"We need to get inside that command room," Finn says.

"Yeah, but how? We've been trying with no luck for days."

Finn has to think about how to phrase it. "Zeroes, what if you and a few others—and Rey—" He nods at her. "—head over and try to get in? She uses the Force. Like B-Kylo Ren used to. The rest of us can focus on holding off the reinforcements. Once you get control of the ventral cannons—"

"It'll be over for them," Zeroes finishes. He looks at Rey. "Can you use the Force to help us get in?"

Rey ignites her lightsaber. "Think so."

"You can do it," Finn murmurs in Rey's ears as Zeroes rallies a group of twenty or so.

"I know," Rey answers, squeezing his hand.

* * *

Her fist lands directly against Luke's sternum, and he stumbles backward, lungs quivering for air that he can't suck in.

Phasma's boot flies towards his face, and Luke kicks her away, adrenaline surging through him. He may be old now, but the memories of all his adventures surge through him with the Force, and he remembers how to fight. He will not let Poe down. He won't let _Leia_ down. Not again.

Phasma snarls as she charges at him, fighting without any sense of keeping herself secure, rabid-like. Luke dives to the side, fumbling to ignite his lightsaber. The green flashes, and Phasma yelps and ducks to the side as he grazes her shoulder.

"You don't have to do this—" Luke tries. "You—"

"Like hell I don't!" she screams, and with her helmet off and her blue eyes gleaming and desperate and feral, Luke believes her. She thinks she has to. She's _scared_.

"I don't want to hurt you!"

"Fuck that!" Phasma throws herself at him again, and Luke swings out the lightsaber, hears her scream as a pain he knows too well no doubt courses through her. She clutches her wrist, now devoid of a hand.

"Where is the replacement wire?" Luke demands. He needs to contact Poe.

She spits at him.

"Where?" Luke asks. "There are mechanical hands, Phasma—"

She starts to laugh, a jagged, shattering sound that cuts at Luke. "There is none."

And her eyes solidify, and Luke knows she's telling the truth. Their mission is lost. _Shit_. "There's got to be another—"

"Not that you'll be able to get to without everyone coming down on you," she mocks him, grinning, and the Dark Side calls to Luke, urging him to boot her in the face.

 _No_. He won't. Snoke's energy—it's polluting this entire place.

"Ben," Luke breathes.

He locks the room behind him and charges out, not caring who sees him.

* * *

"We're just going to have to storm it, aren't we," breathes Zeroes, eying the door to the command room.

Rey nods. "Yeah." She wishes there were another way. She wants there to be another way—tears claw at her eyes, terror at her windpipe—but she knows this is it. And several of the fine people standing around her, the stormtroopers who are now her allies—won't make it. They've already lost two to injury in their efforts to get to near the command center.

She closes her eyes, tapping into all the energy she has in the Force, in her bond. Her lightsaber hums.

She needs to cut through that door, and then they have to duel the no doubt well-armed inhabitants.

"Look, if you can get the cannons working and use it against them, great," Zeroes says to his fellow revolutionaries. "But if we have to, destroy them."

"Agreed," Rey says.

"Okay, Jedi girl," Zeroes says, beckoning and readying his blaster. "Lead the way. We'll cover you."

 _Please,_ Rey thinks, the only phrase she has time to think of before her feet start moving. Blaster fire rains around her, coming from all directions—one grazes her arm and she gasps, but she keeps going because she has to, she _can't_ let them down.

One blue bolt narrowly misses her skull, and Rey spins her lightsaber, blocking a variety of shots just like Kylo Ren did in that forest on Takodana. She swipes at the door, and the lightsaber sizzles as it cuts through.

"Look out!" Zeroes shoves her to the floor, both of them barely avoiding another flurry of fire.

She picks herself up and leaps into the room, blocking more blaster bolts as Hux's face catches hers. Knotted up in fury, he's glaring at her, gasping, spluttering. _"No!"_

Zeroes groans, and even though she's only known him less than an hour, Rey screams when she sees him sinking to the floor, a smoking wound to his throat.

A bolt flies at her, and she stops it with her hand, without even using her bond. Hux blanches as he sees her glaring at him, ferocity slicing through her. _You need to be stopped._

Hux flees. He leaps through the gutted out windows like Finn must have done— _short repair, then_ —galloping towards one of the TIE fighters.

"Go after him!" shouts the blond woman as she reaches the cannons and kicks away a dark-haired officer trying to reach it. "Don't let him get away! We'll tell Finn—the cannons will protect you—"

Rey nods, and then she jumps after Hux, scrambling into her own TIE fighter as his shoots out into open space. _Please don't let me get hit,_ she thinks as she soars after Hux.

She has a sneaking suspicion she knows exactly where he's going.

* * *

Stormtroopers leap out at him, but Ben Force-pushes them away. He can hear Snoke breathing. Can feel him coming closer as Ben lures him northward.

_This is it, Snoke. You don't have me. I'm not yours. I'll never be yours again._

Finally careening into the cavernous hall where he wants Snoke to be, Ben whirls around, a blaster his only weapon. Of course Snoke tries to throw it from his hand, but Ben uses the Force to block him, and the former master and the former apprentice both grit their teeth, yelling as they strain.

The blaster flies out of his grip, and Ben gasps as Snoke sends him flying into a wall. Dust and rocks tumble down around him.

"You," Snoke snarls. "You ungrateful little—"

"You greedy, manipulative—" Ben starts, but Snoke's trying to tear apart his mind now, and oh _shit_ , how he forgot how painful it truly is. Ben screams.

"You don't stand a chance," Snoke says. "You killed your father. You can't come back from that—she doesn't love you, not the way you want. No one can ever love you like that. You've got too much of the Dark in you."

"You're a fucking _liar_ ," Ben manages, trying to channel Poe's bravado.

"Am I? Darth Vader would be—"

"Anakin Skywalker would be proud of me!" Ben shoots back, pushing back against Snoke with all his ability. "My father would be." _He's not the stupid, Force-less criminal you made him out to be! He loved me._

And love made him so much more than all his faults.

"Darth Vader—"

"They're the same person," Ben chokes out, finding Rey in his mind, pulling from their shared strength.

"Sentiment—"

"Saved me," Ben spits, Snoke's hold lessening. "You're a _coward_ , Snoke. You are. You won't even fight yourself. You send people like Hux and Phasma to—"

"Oh, but I do fight," Snoke growls. "I just trusted you to accomplish—I overestimated your—"

Pain still twinges at Ben's heart. _No_. How can he still be subject to this monster's approval or disapproval? He might as well be stabbing his father all over again. _You traitor son._ "Shut _up!_ I'm not falling for your machinations any more! I'm not a child anymore!"

"You've always been a child, Kylo Ren." Snoke thrusts harder at his mind, and Ben resists it. Rey's strength pools through him, and Snoke's decrepit face, scarred with battles past before he decided to manipulate instead of fight, twitches.

"I'm not the _same_ child," Ben says. He wishes he had his lightsaber. Or the blaster, but it's shattered against the rocks.

"Yes, you are," Snoke laughs. "All I did was stoke the flames already inside of you—the Darkness. It's there. It's always been there, calling to you. The Dark, and the Light. You are made from both, and you will _never_ find the peace you seek because you're not strong enough to stop waffling and make up your bloody mind."

"I have made up my mind," Ben insists. "I choose the Light."

"No," Snoke says, shaking his head. "I don't think you do."

 _Lies, lies—don't listen!_ Ben strains again. "Your empire's crumbling around you, Snoke. Stormtroopers are rebelling, your home is about to get bombed—"

"Is it? Where are the hums of dozens of X-wings, then?" Snoke purrs.

"They're coming," Ben snarls, delight sparking at the alarm he sees in Snoke's eyes. _I can see you, too,_ he thinks.

 _I might not get out alive,_ he realizes.

But he promised. He has to.

"And just where do you think you'll go if you do get out alive?" Snoke demands. "The Resistance will never have you. Your mother will always see you as both her son and her husband's murderer—"

"No, she won't!" Ben screams as Snoke's probe cuts further. _I'm not, I'm not—I am, but I'm more than that, please!_

Rey's still alive, she's still alive—he can feel her—

"You know what I _do_ hear, Kylo Ren?" Snoke asks. "TIE fighters. Hopefully going to blow up the rest of the Resistance's pathetic X-wing fleet."

"Enough of this!" shouts a voice from behind Snoke. "You wanted to find me for so long, didn't you, Snoke? Well, here I am."

 _Luke_.

"You're defending _him_?" Contempt drips from Snoke's voice.

"I don't want to talk in circles with you, Snoke. I'm not getting caught in your trap." Luke ignites his lightsaber. "Fight me, or surrender."

Snoke sends Luke flying into a pile of rocks. A boulder groans, and Ben thrusts out his hands, barely halting it from crushing his uncle, who struggles to get up.

Snoke approaches. "You brought down the empire, and now you're about to die like your nephew will—like—"

Luke's not getting up. He can't, Ben realizes, bile stabbing at his throat as it surges up. He holds out his hand, reaching for anything, and Luke's lightsaber flies into it. Snoke gasps, whirling around, as a blaster shot suddenly echoes.

Snoke howls, grasping his side.

"Won't be fatal," Luke grumbles, getting to his feet and still aiming the blaster. "But you won't be moving for awhile, Snoke."

Ben approaches, rage still shaking within him, and fear—fear that Snoke's right, that he'll never be more than his father's murderer. And who made him that way? Snoke. Who manipulated him since he was born? Snoke. Who wanted to kill Rey and Luke and everyone? Snoke.

Ben made his own choices, but Snoke was always whispering.

Snoke peels back his mouth, grinning at Ben, and it's too much.

"Ben, no!" Luke shouts, but Ben's already plunged the lightsaber into Snoke's heart just like he plunged a different blade into his father's.

And then Ben's screaming, throwing the lightsaber against the wall and hearing the hollow ding, because there's no hope left. Reality slams into him.

_The Supreme Leader is wise._

_You'll always just be a murderer._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ... sorry to end tonight's chapter on such a downer!


	25. Chapter 25

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Ben, it's okay—"
> 
> "It's not!"

"Ben."

He lifts his gaze from his dead mentor and looks at his uncle, mouth moving but no sounds coming out. _What have I done?_

"Ben—we were going to kill him anyways, with the bombing—" Luke tries.

"No!" Ben shakes his head. "It wasn't supposed to happen like this!" _I wasn't supposed to murder him when he was already down!_

"Ben, it's okay—"

"It's not!" he shouts, every muscle in his body tensed, aching—his eyes feel like they're being squeezed from his skull—his jaw feels like it's about to crack in a million pieces—his fists shake and shake. _I'm never going to change!_

And Rey—what will she think? Ben's too afraid to try and focus on their bond. She will know. She has to know.

"Ben, he was an evil son of a bitch!" Luke cries.

"Yeah, and I wanted him dead!" _But_ …

Luke wrenches the lightsaber out of Ben's hands. "We need to get out of here before they bring everyone down on us!"

Ben shakes his head.

"Pull yourself together! I need you to do that!" Luke grabs him by his shoulder, shaking him. "Come on, Ben!"

"I don't want to be a murderer anymore," Ben whispers.

"So don't be. You have a choice, Ben. You always have a choice." Luke grips Ben by the side of his face, and terror rushes through Ben— _this is an exact repeat. I've learned nothing. Nothing's changed…_

_It's not. It's not. It's not._

"Come on," Luke encourages him.

_Come home. We miss you._

He feels as if tensions exploding inside of him, straining to get out, but his stubborn skin won't give. He can't stand this. These threads of hopelessness—they sink into him, they implant, they poison him and they won't let him _go_.

"Ben," Luke says, and Ben forces himself to meet his uncle's eyes, look into the eyes of the man he wanted to kill, the man he hated for taking him away from his parents, for keeping secrets from him, for condemning him. The man who now holds onto his face like his father did, except Luke's fingers aren't falling. The man whose eyes plead with him, brow crinkled with concern— _is this the same look Luke gave his own father_?

He feels Rey in his mind, her concern and her worry, her love.

" _Help_ me," he pleads, saying the words he wanted to scream at his parents when they left him with his uncle and asked if he needed anything.

" _No. I'm fine," he said._

"I will," Luke promises.

The Light. It's there. He feels it again, and he clings to it as Ben lets his uncle pull him to his feet.

* * *

Darkness pervades Rey's mind, and she's terrified. Vomit roils in her stomach, bubbles up her throat. She has visions—glimpses—of what's happened.

 _Ben, no!_ Rey screams. She doesn't want to lose him. Not to the Dark. She wants the Light, and she wants him to stay with it.

Hux's TIE fighter plunges towards the surface of Snoke's planet, and Rey jerks the controls to head after it. Rage surges inside of her. She wants to destroy it—all of it—the Dark—it's stolen so much. So much from her. So much from Ben, from Leia and Luke.

She has no idea how, but she suspects killing Hux isn't the way to go.

Capturing him, on the other hand…

Light still thrums in her bond with Ben, and Rey holds into it as she holds her breath, skimming the surface of a churning river and— _shit!_

The wing hits the edge of a rock, and the TIE fighter hits the water. Gasping, Rey hits the eject button, escaping into the water. The cold cuts at her like a knife as she swallows a mouthful. She reaches for another rock, but her hand slips on the moss— _shit, shit, no_ —

Part of the wing from her TIE fighter flies at her. Rey gasps.

_Wrong move._

It slams into her head and pushes her back underwater. It fills her lungs as she grapples for the surface, reminding of the time, at age seven, she almost drowned in the sinking sands on Jakku. If another scavenger hadn't taken pity on her, she would have suffocated.

Rey's fingers scrape something hard, and then the current pushes her entire hand into it. She grunts in pain, but it's a rock, and she tries to drag herself up it, moss be damned.

Her head breaks the surface and Rey chokes up water, spluttering and gagging even though she doesn't have _time_ to do that yet, not when she's still in the river. Her foot slips and she almost tumbles back in, but Rey manages to hang on, summoning all her strength to pull herself onto the rock and out of the water.

Rey gasps, retching up water and mucus. She shivers.

_Hux._

Rey's head snaps to the side, and she sees the redheaded general aiming a blaster at her. One hand flies to her lightsaber and her other hand soars up, blocking the bolt inches from her face.

Hux's expression contorts in rage, but before he can fire again, the _pew_ of another blaster cuts through the air. Hux clutches his shoulder and screams.

"Throw your weapon down now or you'll get the Wookiee's bowcaster next time," Poe's voice rings out. "Kylo Ren may have survived that, but he's, you know, a lot stronger than you. I wouldn't count on being so lucky."

"Poe!" Rey exclaims.

"Finn let me know you and Hux were headed our way," Poe informs her as Hux drops his weapon and Chewie bounds over to him.

"And the _Finalizer_?"

"It's in stormtroopers' hands." Poe grins.

"No!" spits out Hux.

Chewie smacks the general on the head.

"Don't touch me!"

"Chewie doesn't take orders from anyone except Han Solo, and maybe Princess Leia," Poe informs Hux.

Hux spits out something that sounds very much like _Ren_.

Rey climbs to her feet, balancing on the rock. She's not far from the edge, but she'll need something. "Your bombing run?" she asks as she focuses on a sturdy looking tree branch and holds out her hand. It cracks.

"Didn't happen—we were getting concerned—I was about to fly here anyways—"

"The First Order lives," Hux gasps, looking like a drowning man coming up for air. "There's hope—you won't—"

"Please shut the hell up," Poe snaps. "My boyfriend's told me about you."

The stick flies into Rey's hand. She wobbles and tests it. _Should work._

Chewie grumbles.

"Okay," Rey agrees, and Poe steps forward to point a blaster at Hux's head as the Wookiee comes closer to help Rey, should she need it.

Rey thrusts the stick out, planting it deep in the river bed, and swings out, launching herself into the air.

Chewie grabs her as her legs splash into the edge, pulling her to safety. Rey laughs.

And Poe howls.

Hux kicks him in the knee and drives an elbow into Poe's belly. The blaster flies into the air, and Hux snatches it.

"Didn't need the Force to do that," Hux says coolly as he aims the blaster at Poe's skull.

"Give it up, Hux," says another voice from the forest. Luke. He emerges, with a haggard-looking Ben. Rey wants to run to him.

"There's nothing more to fight for," Luke continues. "If you fire that blaster, my nephew and Rey will stop the bolt. There's no point in even trying."

Hux's eyes flicker to both of them.

"Snoke is dead," Luke adds.

"What?" Hux's lips rise in a sneer.

"I killed him," Ben confesses, but he sounds anything but proud. His voice trembles, his hands shake, and his eyes, saturated with shame, meet Rey's.

_I killed one more person who didn't want to die._

Rey grasps for what she can, for what the Light's showing her. _You're horrified, aren't you? You have remorse. That's the Light._

"Well, he didn't deserve to be in charge of the First Order, then," snaps Hux.

"Who does? You?" Ben retorts, and then the arm holding Hux's blaster flies out and fires—not at Poe, but at Ben.

"No!" Rey's hand swings out, stopping the bolt inches from—Luke.

Luke, who's suddenly in front of his nephew, grimacing as if he expected to get shot.

_You jumped in front of him._

"You have got to teach me that trick," Luke manages as Ben stumbles back.

"I don't understand," Hux breathes, looking wildly from Ben to Luke to Rey. " _Why?_ How?"

"The Force?" Rey offers.

"That's not—none of this makes sense! He killed your dreams!" screams Hux, gesturing towards Ben with the blaster. Rey reaches for it, and Hux sees what she's doing.

He doesn't fire at her, though. He aims the blaster at his own skull.

"Stop!" Rey wrenches the blaster out of his grip, catching it in her own.

" _Why?"_ Hux screams at her. "Don't _pity_ me, you bitch!"

Chewie roars.

"Why does my life matter to you?" Hux screams as Chewie grabs the man and restrains him. "I don't understand! I don't understand any of you!"

"Some things can't be explained through _order_ ," Rey snaps.

"Fuck you," Hux spits.

Chewie snarls in Hux's face, and he blanches, but at least, Rey supposes, he _understands_ that threat.

"Phasma's still out here," Luke says, his hand on Ben's shoulder. Ben is still gaping at his uncle. "As, presumably, are dozens of stormtroopers."

"Let's go, then," Rey says softly.

"Leave me with them," Hux pleads.

"Um, no. You just tried to commit suicide and the First Order might actually trade for you," Poe responds, getting to his feet and brushing dirt off his pants.

Hux throws back his head and laughs. The sound sends chills up Rey's spine. "They wouldn't."

"You're all they have left," Luke points out.

"And you're going what? Just let me go if they agree to do what? Give you all their weapons? You should know I believe in the First Order and I'll fight for them—" Hux's face grows red as he shouts. Chewie drags him along.

"You won't have the Force," Luke calls.

"Fuck the Force!" Hux screams, and then he's sobbing. "I don't understand! I don't understand!"

Rey turns to Ben, who watches her with fear she hasn't seen on his face since the night she slashed his face with her lightsaber.

_Do you think I'll reject you?_

_I let the Dark influence me again, Rey. I murdered him._ He swallows as Poe rolls his eyes in the background. _I don't know that I'll ever be able to fully be Light._

"Maybe you won't. And maybe I won't either," Rey says aloud, clenching her own fists and then loosening them. "But neither of us want to hurt anyone. I want to use the Force for good, like Luke does, and you do too. I can feel it. That's not hopeless."

He shifts his arms, opening his hands and Rey runs to him, wrapping her arms around his neck and kissing him. He hesitates and then give in, kissing her, and she feels gratitude and hope and love flowing into her from their bond.

"May I make a suggestion?" Poe asks. "Let's get walking. But that wasn't my suggestion," he adds hastily. "I know I don't have the Force or I'm not sensitive to it or whatever, so maybe I'm just talking about something I have no business talking about, but—"

"Your opinions are always welcome," Rey informs him.

"Well good to know." Poe scratches the back of his head. "But anyways, you know, even people without the Force—we mess up. A lot. Look at your pal Hux."

"He's never been my _pal_ ," Ben counters, scowling. His fingers find Rey's, and she squeezes his.

"Colleague. Whatever. The point is, we get angry. We hurt people too. You aren't as special as you'd like to think." Poe winks as they climb up the ramp onto the _Falcon_. R2 bleeps and greets them. Rey smiles at the droid.

"We're off to save your boyfriend!" Luke yells from the cockpit. Hux glares at them from the medbay, where Chewie clearly restrained him.

"Great!" Poe hollers before turning back to them. "I know you're supposed to avoid the Dark Side because it's consuming and destructive and all that shit. But maybe you should give yourselves a little grace here and there. You aren't going to be perfect."

"Poe, I murdered Snoke," Ben states. "Along with—"

"And you've maybe saved the galaxy too," Poe snaps. "It's war. No one gets out clean. I'm not saying it's okay, because it's not. What I am saying is that you don't have to let what you've done consume you. You don't have to spend the rest of your days miserable. You don't have to let it drive you to the Dark Side or further in the Dark Side or anything like that. Not if you don't want to. Isn't that the definition of the Dark Side? That fear and hate—they get you and they trap you, and they invert and they're directed at yourself as much as they're directed at whatever else it is you need to purge from the galaxy?"

"I'll never be able to be a Light Side Jedi," Ben whispers. "Not purely. I've done too much—I could spend the rest of my life fully on the Light Side and I'll still wrestle with the Dark."

"So become a Jedi as best you can and trust Rey to be able to balance you when you need help. And vice versa." Poe bites his lip. "Finn brings out the best in me, you know. You two…" He lets it drop.

 _I love you,_ Rey thinks as she watches Ben. I _love you because you understand me. I love you because you know me. I love you because you're Ben, and you were brave enough to change. You're brave enough to try. And…_

She wants to speak this aloud, so he hears it in her voice. "You're a lot more like your father than you know."

Ben's eyes mist. "You're kind of like Luke, you know that?"

"I may not have any family left," Rey admits. "But I can make one. And I want you and Luke and your mother and Poe and Finn in it."

Ben grabs Rey and kisses her again, his lips gently embracing hers, and then his grip tightens, and their hearts beat together and she forgets what hands are hers and what are his. _I love you._

Who said it?

She's not even sure.


	26. Chapter 26

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "If I go, will you come with me?"

**But this is how the story ends**

**Or have we just begun**

**To kiss away the difference**

**I know you hate this one**

**The Fray, "Where the Story Ends'  
**

* * *

"I'll be back soon," Finn promises.

"We know you will," says a dark-skinned woman as Finn prepares to leave.

 _They don't think I'm a traitor anymore,_ Finn realizes. Well, some of them do. A third of the stormtroopers are locked up for now, still loyal to the First Order, and Finn hates that. He hates the fact that they're locked up even more than their loyalty depresses him.

The ex-stormtroopers still aren't ready to meet with General Organa, and even the few who seem like they'd be willing have deferred to Finn, saying he should try to strike some sort of alliance. But they're not giving themselves over to the Resistance's ideals. Not yet.

 _And that's okay,_ Finn reminds himself as he climbs back into his escape pod. _It takes time._

At least, it did for him, and Poe and the others were patient as they waited for him to realize that not all causes were toxic. Not all things that may require giving your life sap it away. Some things—like his friends, like the Resistance—pump life through his veins even as they ask him to risk it.

Finn grins to himself as he flies towards Leia's ship. _I did it. I really did it_. "Yes!" he whoops, pumping his fist.

"Finn!" Leia runs to him and wraps him up in her arms, like he's a son of hers.

"I can't believe it all worked," Finn gasps out.

Leia shakes her head. "We couldn't have done it without you."

"Poe? Rey? Ben?" Finn asks. Bb-8 sidles up to him, sticking out that fiery thumb. Finn winks and gives the droid a thumbs-up back.

"They're on their way back. They claim they'll meet us at Coruscant." Leia sighs. "Snoke is dead, but other parts of the First Order escaped."

"Dammit," Finn groans.

"I wouldn't worry overmuch." Connix smiles. "Because we've received word that there's another insurrection of stormtroopers. I think it's spreading."

By the time they land on Coruscant, Leia's pacing back and forth, which does nothing to quell Finn's anxieties.

And then the Falcon swoops in, followed by dozens and dozens of X-wings. Finn sees Jess Pava emerge, and the Resistance tower erupts in cheers.

Luke bounds off first, followed by Chewie and a sullen, restrained General Hux, and Poe.

"Poe!" Finn runs to him, and in front of every member of the Resistance, everyone covered in sweat and grime and the metallic smell of battle permeating the air, Poe kisses him.

"I heard what you did," Poe gasps out. "That's—you're incredible, you know that, Finn?"

"People keep telling me that," Finn mutters, stomach flip-flopping. He doesn't like tis creeping feeling of praise, so he grabs Poe and plants his lips against his again.

"Yeah, and there's a reason for it," Poe says as he pulls back. Finn shrugs, but he can't wipe the smile off his face.

"Hux?" he asks.

"Our prisoner. For now. Phasma appears to have fled with some other officers, after Luke chopped off her hand." Poe sighs.

"And Snoke?"

"We didn't actually bomb anything," Poe admits. "Ben killed him."

"Good for him."

"Eh…" Poe hesitates and glances towards Leia, where Finn sees Rey and Ben, with his head hung, conversing with Luke. "I think it wasn't as Jedi-like as we would have preferred."

"Still," Finn says. "It's a start."

"And the stormtroopers? Former stormtroopers?" Poe questions.

Finn relays the story. "I need to go back to them, give them some options, some direction."

"We might need them to square off against the First Order," Poe says. "Their choice, of course. But if any of them did want to…"

"I agree," Finn says.

Poe slings his arm around Finn as BB-8 rolls up to them, squeaking.

"Buddy!" Poe drops to his knees. "Missed you too."

"If I go," Finn says suddenly. "Will you come with me?"

"Me?" Poe's eyes widen.

"Well, if Leia thinks it's a good idea. The thing is, most of these men and women—they haven't seen a good example of, you know, relationships. Even friendships. It might be good to show them that—not to manipulate them, but to just show them, let them see and make up their own minds."

"I'd be honored," Poe tells him. "I'm sure they'll be working on setting up a new New Republic, and politics really isn't my thing. I had my share of that once." He grimaces at the memory. "Too much bullshit to wade through."

"I would say there's still work to be done. With the former stormtroopers, and with spreading the message that Snoke's gone, and such," Finn tells Poe. "Phasma can't lead them forever."

Poe pauses, a slow grin starts to spread across his face as he nods. "We're gonna do this."

Finn almost laughs. "Yeah?"

"Yeah."

* * *

"I'm sorry," Ben says to his mother.

"Ben, sweetheart, I'm not mad at you," she tells him, clutching the sides of his face.

He shakes his head. "It wasn't right."

"It wasn't," she says, her eyes searching his like she did when he was a child and she must have been worried, so worried, about Snoke, and he kept their secret like Snoke told him, because she wouldn't like their conversations. Or so Snoke said.

Maybe he could have told her.

Maybe he _can_ tell her. And maybe, she'll still love him.

She's holding him, and she knows what he's done, what he's capable of, and she's holding him and loving him and believing in him in spite of all of that.

If that's not enough to push Ben to search for the Light as zealously as he searched for the map to his uncle once, he doesn't know what could be. His mother's acceptance, his uncle's forgiveness, Rey's love—they call to him, softer than the Darkness did, but there's something driving him towards it too. He loves his mother. He loves Rey. He loves his uncle.

 _If you focus on that,_ he hears Rey's voice. _If we both do, maybe that will help us choose the Light. If we focus on the people around us who love us, on each other, instead of the ones who abandoned me or who manipulated you._

Ben pulls away from his mother and meets Rey's gaze. He nods.

"I suppose I'll go back to my cell," Ben says aloud.

"For now," Mother agrees. She brushes the hair back from his forehead, and he manages to smile at her.

Rey follows him into his cell and takes a seat next to him. He takes her hand, stroking the bones leading up to her fingers.

"A lot more people are going to die," he says, thinking of Phasma right now, rallying what she can. He thinks of Hux, in another cell, and finds his distaste for the man has softened into a kind of pity.

"I know." Rey sighs. "A lot of stormtroopers did die. But it was their choice. They died doing what they wanted to do, fighting for something that they wanted to fight for, at last. "

 _It's different_ , Ben thinks. _To choose._ Still awful, still cruel, but some things are more important than life. Like Rey.

And like he was for his father.

"Don't be afraid," Rey says softly, pressing her palm against his chest.

He kisses her once, slowly, and pulls back. She guides him down on the cot, rumpled and stiff under his back. She lies down next to him, and he runs his fingers through her hair.

"I love you, Rey," he whispers, because there's nothing else he'd rather say right now.

"I know." She blinks. "I love you."

" _I_ know." And he does. He doesn't understand it, but he knows. He knows through her words and the way she's looking at him, the way she came for him when he was a prisoner, the way she's forgiven him even though he doesn't deserve it. Their bond is really only extra.

"No reading my mind right now," she snaps, eyes twinkling.

"It's involuntary," he protests.

"Kind of," she acquiesces, and then she shifts closer, pulling off his shirt. "Someday maybe we won't be in this cell," she jokes.

"I'm not sure I would count on that."

Rey sighs and takes his cheek in her hand, tracing his scar. "I would." She doesn't know why and she doesn't know how, but she hopes.

A slight smile tugs at his lips, and he dives forward to kiss her. He holds her, still afraid that he'll lose her eventually, and yet those voices are quieter now, because she's here, she's under him, and she plants her mouth against his chest. He groans.

From the moment he heard about a girl, the Force whispered to him, and he didn't know why, but everything flipped and the Light exploded in him. And then when he saw her on Takodana... when he realized she wanted to kill him and felt a tremor of fear, felt compassion surging... when she tore apart his defenses on the Starkiller... when he realized who she was...

Rey arches and moans, her fingers digging into his skin. He doesn't care if she leaves marks, but he doubts she will. But she has left a mark, more glaring than the scar on his face.

He groans first, and then Rey. He lies beside her, and she presses her cheek against his shoulder. Ben's eyelids drift shut, and he falls asleep with Rey by his side and wakes up hours later to her still beside him, snorting softly.

He kisses her on the forehead to wake her up.

* * *

"Well, it seems like they trust you again," quips Poe as he sits with Leia.

"Indeed," sighs C-3PO. "About time, too."

R2 and BB-8 bleep.

"Well," Leia says. "That's good. Because we have word as to what Phasma is up to."

"Oh?"

"She and the surviving Knights of Ren are trying to get an alliance with King Prana."

"Have you contacted her about Hux yet?"

"We're trying." Leia starts to smile. "But I think we have a better plan."

"What's that?" Finn asks skeptically.

"We'll bargain with Prana and get him to come to _our_ side instead," Leia says. "His forces, combined with ours, with or without any new recuits, should be enough to take them down."

"Please tell me you're not handing anyone over to that nutjob," Poe says.

Leia laughs. "Don't worry, Dameron. No, I was thinking a trade. He likes wild animals, or so I have good intel that alludes to that." She winks at Finn.

Finn gapes. "If you're talking about rathtars—"

"Not hardly. But Chewie knows his list of rare creatures, and has offered to pay him a visit—with Maz—and make our offer. If Prana accepts our offer, he'll go on a mission—"

"I'm going with Finn," says Poe. "To help the stormtroopers—former stormtroopers. I can't—"

"I'm not asking you to."

"She's not," confirms Luke. "I'll be going."

"You?" Poe's jaw drops.

"I think Han would be proud," Leia says, smiling at her brother.

"And you trust him not to disappear again?" Poe asks, half-joking.

"I have a better idea," Luke says. "Put in my brain by Maz, of course." He nods at the small orange alien, cackling over something with Jess Pava and Snap Wexley. "I think it might call for smuggling two other Jedi out of here. You know the rest—the politicians who've survived—will never let Ben go, and he's got too much to stay cooped up for long. And I'm also going to track down an old friend of ours. Lando Calrissian. He might be more than willing to help us."

"Well," Poe says slowly. "If Ben and Rey are for it, so am I."

Finn nods, studying Leia, her mouth, her eyes for signs of twitches. "Are you okay with that?"

"I'll know he's okay," Leia says. "And it won't be the same as before."

"How do you know?" Poe presses.

"Because," Leia says. "He has Rey, and he has Han's memory."

* * *

"Thank you, Rey," Leia whispers as she hangs a medal hastily forged by some smith in Coruscant around Rey's neck, and Rey turns to smile at Finn, at Poe, at Luke, all standing around her.

"Thank you," Rey whispers to the woman who's become like a mother to her.

For years when she lay in that fallen AT-AT she called home, she worried it would be too late when her family found her. She grieved for all the years she knew were gone, but clutched the hope that there would be love in her future. She would think of an ocean to calm her racing heart.

The Force knew. The Force guided her to that ocean, to that island, to Luke and to Ben and to Leia and Finn. Her family even if not by blood. Rey smiles.

"So," Luke says as Ben joins them.

Rey traces the medal around her neck, still amazed. Ben deserves one, too. But the Resistance would never stand for it. She sighs. "Yeah?"

"I've been thinking a lot about what you've said, Ben," Luke says.

"What did I say?" Ben asks, smirking as he wraps his arm around Rey, his eyes shining with pride.

"About Snoke wanting you to use the Light and the Dark."

"Oh." Ben grimaces. "Yeah. It tore me apart."

"Well, he may not have been entirely wrong," Luke confesses.

"What?" Rey demands, her heart skipping.

"At the Jedi temple… there's a lot of lore about grey Jedi. They used both the passion of the Dark and the love and hope of the Light."

"I don't think I'm strong enough to even try that," Ben admits.

 _Hey, you're being brave,_ Rey thinks.

He kisses her over her ear.

"I don't know that either of you are," Luke says. "But I think it's worth gathering more information on. I think it's worth going back to Ahch-To for." Luke starts to laugh. "Before we have to track down all manners of wild animals."

"Are you proposing breaking me out?" Ben asks, eyebrows creasing.

"And becoming Jedi smugglers?" Rey adds.

"Temporarily." Luke holds up his hands. "No rathtars, and Chewie and R2 would join us. Your mother would join us as soon as she could," he tells Ben.

Rey looks at the man whom she wants to marry, the man she adores, flaws and all. Because he sees her, flawed and still scared at times, and soothes her fears like she soothes his. They stoke the Light in each other and choose not to follow the Dark.

"It'd make my father proud," Ben says with a snort. His eyes sparkle, and Rey starts to grin.

"Let's do it."

 _Let's return to the ocean of your dreams,_ she hears Ben telling her. _It'll be nice to see it in person._

* * *

_6 months later_

"Hey hey hey!" Poe shouts into the transceiver. "How's it going?"

"Good. Prana was actually not as creepy as you'd think to Ben," Rey says. "Could be just that three Jedi was too much for him to handle, though. Plus Lando. He's kind of a badass."

"And Phasma?" Finn inquires.

"We think she'll surrender soon," Ben's voice comes through. "We hope."

"Leia says Hux is still miserable, but at least he's starting to talk a little more," puts in Poe.

"We're meeting up with her soon," Rey says. "Actually."

"Where?" Finn asks.

"Corellia," Ben answers, and Finn frowns.

"Han Solo's home planet," Poe whispers in Finn's ear, and Finn's heart lifts. _You're going to be okay, Ben, aren't you?_

"How's everything with you guys?" Rey asks.

"Making progress. Slow, but steady." Not that life working with freed stormtroopers hasn't been dangerous, because Finn's survived two assassination attempts and about eight drunk former stormtroopers with Poe's help.

But it's worth it. Akka joined them two months ago, with Jess. They're making progress, and every day, Finn reassures himself he's doing the right thing, and when he doubts himself, Poe reminds him.

"Hey," Poe says. "Can we get in on that reunion? It's been too long since we've seen you two, and we don't even know what you found on Ahch-To."

"It's more like what we're finding," Ben says. "Lots of old lore and such… it's fascinating."

"Yeah, yeah," Poe says. "So…?"

"Of course! We'd love to see you," Rey says.

"Is there going to be a wedding on Corellia?' Finn asks, suspicious. Poe's eyes light up.

"Why, are you getting married?" Rey teases.

"We'll see," Finn retorts.

"We'll see, too," Ben echoes.

"So," Finn says to Poe after they hang up. "Our Jedi buddies are doing all right."

"Yup." Poe smiles.

"Thank you," Finn says.

"For what?" Poe blinks.

"Seeing me as I am, and—all that's happened the past few months—none of it would have happened if you hadn't—if—"

"Hey," Poe says, taking Finn's hand and peering into his eyes. "We need each other. People need each other. Ben and Rey and Leia and Han and us, we need each other, and people like Luke and Lando need others, too. It's the only way we're ever going to keep peace. Through being close to each other, and ambassadors and senators getting to know each other as more than just senators and ambassadors."

"How likely do you think that is to happen?" Finn questions.

Poe winces. "It's worth a shot, even if we're the only ones doing it."

 _We can create our own peace in the middle of it all,_ Finn thinks. _And we can always, always hope._

 _Because the galaxy's better with all of us in it_.

He pulls Poe to him and kisses him. "You're incredible."

"So I've been told," Poe jokes.

The First Order told him attachments, empathy, love were foolish. History tells them that peace will be fleeting.

To Finn, those things are worth it anyways.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone for reading!


End file.
